19310615 Letter to Ernst Ludwig Harthern Jacobsen -- Sigurd Wegener Thomsen
Transcription
15.6.31
Kære Red.Harthern!(d02) Mange tak for sidst -– og tak fordi de vilde låne mig den bog,-– som jeg desværre
glemte over vor interessante samtale.-–
(d03) Jeg havde fået det indtryk, at de vilde skrive bogen råt og brutalt -– og det glædede
mig overordentligt at se, at de ikke vil det -– men gøre den ægte, sandfærdig og menneskelig
-– og
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"germanisere" bogens atmosfære.
(d04) Jeg er enig med dem i deres syn på hvordan bogen skulde skrives -– og er oprigtig
ked af det, at de bunden af et utilfredsstillende grundlag og af personlige hensyn
-– fordi bogen skal skrives nu. -–
(d05) Jeg vil gerne hjælpe dem så meget jeg kan -– ved at sætte dem ind i hendes reactioner
i den første tid hun var her i Danmark, idet jeg er ganske tryg mht. deres discretion. -–
x
(d06) Da jeg -– som vordende læge, også har interesseret mig meget for det anatomiske og
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fysiologiske, har jeg en del optegnelser vedrørende disse ^ ting -– Da de pointerede,
at de ikke var interreserede heri,- springer jeg dem over -– eller medtager dem i
forkortet form -– hvis de bidrager til forståelse af hendes psyche. -–
x
25/12
Far satte det store billede fra Versailles op i dag, det var svært at faa sømmet i. Onkel Einar forgylder rammer og tante Gerda læser en roman, ”Paradisfuglen” af Rung, og siger at den er skrevet stakato og er for det meste beskrivelser fra det gamle København – Hjalp onkel Einar med at lave sine ”minustøvler”. Det sneede om eftermiddagen. Fader og onkel Einar spillede skak, Einar tabte.
28/12.
Onkel Einars fødselsdag.
29/12.
Tante Gerda, onkel Einar og fru Gottlieb kom= mer til middag med hummer. Else laver mayonaise. Moder var til middag en time om at spise sin portion. Så var der to slags oste, 1 råden og en frisk , samt salat, mayonaise og lagkage. Der blev spillet en masse på grammaphonen og onkel Einar dansede en fransk Apache dans. Grin m.m.
3/1.
Blev liggende i sengen p. gr. a. Fåresyge, mægtig tyk i hovedet. Fik 1.80 Kr. af onkel Einar, fordi han tog Else med på restraution
9/1.
Onkel Einar og tante Gerda tog afsted med toget 1020 over Gedser
Dec. 1924
Far fortalte os om Einar, der klæder sig ud som pige. De praktiske forudsætninger herfor er, hans ringe højde, velskabte skikkelse, nydelige ben og små fødder. Desuden barberer han sig omhyggeligt, og ved rigelig brug af pudder og sminke kan han i Paris ved elektrisk lys gå for en dame. – Stemmen lægger han op i et sådant leje, at den kan gå for en dyb kvindestemme . – Grunden til hans lyst hertil er sandsynligvis forfængelighed. – Udklædt som Lili be=søgte Einar os en gang medens vi boede på Phistersvej da hans egen mor var i besøg hos os. Hun kendte ham ikke.
16/8-31.
Lili og Gerda kom her til formiddag. Lili skal bo her. Hun er her i København for at få ansigtshuden feminiseret.
Hendes psyche er ganske kvindelig - -
- - . Det svage punkt er ansigtet. Håret er: paryk! Og underansigtet er endu mas
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culint.– De brune øjne er imidlertid decideret kvindelige og ganske smukke, -- med
pæne øjenbryn og vipper.
Jeg gik en tur i haven – og ned langs med Gentofte sø, og fik talt med hende. Hendes menneskelige atmosfære er fuldent feminin.
- - Han og Gerda havde jo aldrig sådan været gift: kun været gode kammerater og suppleret hinanden.
[Skildring af Einars påtænkte selvmord.] – Dette fortalte hun mig i en pjanket tone, men jeg har indtryk af, at det var Be's alvor. –
18/8
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Lili og jeg har
snakket meget sammen på vore små ture ved Gentofte sø – som hun finder "aldeles henrivende".
Bag det pjankede pigebarn, er der et meget klart tænkende, forstående og følende sjæl. Det er nemlig mor vi har drøftet. Lili synes mors mangler består i
1. - - - - - - Vil man endelig fortælle om sine sygdomme olig. skal man gøre det livligt og spøgende – og kun én gang!
- - - -
4. Forsømt sit ydre
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Lili og jeg er bleven meget fine venner, – og jeg sætter mere og mere pris på hende.
22/8
Mor har nu fortalt Lili hele historien – og Lili har tålmodigt ofret den nødvendige eftermiddag. Ovenpå det var hun temmelig ødelagt – og mor oprevet. Lili blev uenig med mor over en lille biting – og sa havde mor sagt, at så måtte Lili hellere flytte.
Lili tog det imidlertid roligt – og det kom ikke til brud. –
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- - Mor været modstander af operationen – og forfærdet og uforstående overfor det hele -
- sorgeligt og tragisk, at hendes bror, som hun holdt så meget af,– er bleven et pjanket, forfængeligt væsen.–
- - Også navnet "Lili" finder hun forfærdeligt. Det havde hans mor aldrig kaldt ham, hvis han havde begyndt som pige. - -
23/8
Gerda var her. Hun er stadig sløj ovenpå operationen – og bekymringer over Lili.
Lili har lavet hende de
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frygteligste scener over sit udseende, og snakket om selvmord,
hvis hun ikke hurtigt kom til at se godt ud.
Gerda bad os søge at gøre Lili mindre selvoptaget, og se at få hende til at skrive på sin bog.
24/8
Talt med Lili. Nu er hun godt i gange med at skrive på sin bog. Lod hende begynde inde hos mig
– medens jeg sad og læste anatomi. Arbejdsatmosfæren påvirkede hende – og hun vilde
ikke forstyrre mig
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eller risikere min utilfreshed, hvis hun var doven.
25/8
Mor kom grædende ind til Lili kl 7 og vækkede hende. Lili tabte tålmodigheden og fortalte - -
x
18/9.
Lili bor nu her og skriver på sin bog.
Gerda fortæller mig, at alle deres venner søger at få hende til at skilles – ikke alene
formelt – men også reelt fra Lili. –
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Hun er uhyre forfengelig og hævder at "skønhed er en kvindes existens berettigelse"!!
Når vi skal gå en tur, spørger hun, om man kan "se noget". – I betragtning af den enorme mængde "kosmetik" anvendt,– er dette som regel umuligt. – Svarer jeg benægtende – tror hun mig ikke – men binder et silke lommetørklæde om underansigtet, som havde hun tandpine.
Den første tid hun var her – var hun virkelig sky af sig – og holdt ikke af at møde mennesker, – og jeg tog hende derfor ad
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biveje. – Nu er det bleven mindre – og hun koketterer endog med det!
Hun er meget interesseret i mænd – og fortæller med alle tegn på fryd,– hvor "væmmeligt" det er, at de ser efter hende!
Hun elsker at tro sig selv en "skælvende due" forfulgt af store, interesserede mandfolk. –
6/10.
Hun holder ikke på kvindens frigørelse. Hun siger,– at hvis hun bliver gift, vil hun elske sin mand,
gøre det hvad han
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siger – og kun tænke på at være så smuk som mulig – glæde ham – og opmuntre ham, når han kommer fra kontoret. –
x
Hun holder meget af kærtegn og af at kærtegne. Far tillader hende at kysse ham farvel om morgenen og godnat om aftenen.
Jeg vil ikke.
Hun gør stadig, spøgende tilløb til det,– og kilder mig katteagtigt op ad armen.
Men jeg afværger venligt og fast. – og det respekterer hun – og kalder mig
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"den strenge Hr. DoktorHr. Doktor" –
x
Overfor far og jeg er hun skikkelig: – Gerda laver hun ofte hysteriske scener – med hysterisk tøsestemme – og ender med at tude. –
Nå – ovenpå hvad hun har ha gået igennem, er det ikke så mærkeligt – at hendes sind er vanskeligt.
x
I dag blev Gerdas og Lilis ægteskab omstødt. Jeg spurgte Lili: – Var det civilretten? – Ja, sagde Lilli – Hvor ved du det fra? – Dommeren var i civil!
x
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Hun omtaler ofte sig selv som "stakkels lille Lili" – og ønsker at blive trøstet og kælet for - - - . Men i det store og hele er hun i godt humør. og gouterer en vittighed – selvom den
går ud over hende selv – når blot den er god!
Hun er rar og venlig og optager alt i bedste mening.
x
Den ene dag taler hun om at gå i kloster. Den næste om at gå i harem. – Lige efter operationen havde hun en "nonneperiode" siger hun. –
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Hun er meget forfængelig af sin figur og ben – og mangler i nogen grad blufærdighed
– der dog vist delvis skyldes hendes mangel på øvelse i at sidde – etc. – i kvindetøj.
–
x
Psykisk – som kvinde, har hun to aldre. – Når hun kan bruge den viden som Einar havde – og det af hans karakter, – der er almenmenneskeligt – er hun en godmodig, klog og vittig kvinde – godt op i fyrrene! men når hun taler om "mænd" eller "klæder". – er hun en pjanket pige på sejsten! –
x
13/6
NB!
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Tænker jeg tilbage – og skal sige noget om hendes
udvikling siden operationen. – må det være
dette. –
Hendes skyhed overfor mennesker i almindelighed og mænd i særdeleshed er total forsvunden, – og hendes glæde over den opsigt hun vækker hos mændene, er lidt pralende – og henføres til en "mystisk tiltrækning kraft" – og ikke til hendes umådeholdne brug af pudder. og rødt – o.s.v. –
I begyndelsen var hun slankere, virkede næsten mere feminin sjæleligt end
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nu, – hvor så meget er forceret og uægte, – og besad virkelig en egen indtagende "jomfruelighed"
– der nu desværre ganske er forsvunden.
At hendes venner har svigtet hende, har gjort hende ondt – men ikke bitter, – de hun har en så venlig ^ forstående natur.
x
Jeg håber at de kan have nogen fornøjelse af dette.
En dag jeg er inde i byen, vil jeg gerne have lov til at hente den bog de var så venlig at tilbyde at låne mig. – Jeg ringer i forvejen.
Igen tak for sidst.
(d07) deres ærbødige.
Sigurd Thomsen
Translation
15.6.31
Dear Ed. Harthern!(#d02) Thank you for last time – and thank you for letting me borrow your book –
which I unfortunately forgot as a result of our interesting
conversation.
(#d03) I had gotten the impression that you wanted to write the book rough and crude
– and it made me extraordinarily happy to see that you do not want that –
but make it real, true, and human – and
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"Germanize"
the book's atmosphere.
(#d04) I agree with you in your thinking about how the book
should be written – and am sincerely sorry that you are bound by an
unsatisfactory reason and by personal regard – because the book
should be written now.–-
(#d05) I would like to help you as much as I can – by explaining her reactions
during the first time she was here in Denmark, because I am quite sure about
your discretion.-–
x
(#d06) Because I – as a doctor in waiting, have a great interest in the anatomical
and
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physiological, I have some notes concerning
these matters – Since you pointed out that you were not interested herein I
will skip over them – or include them in an abbreviated form – if they will
contribute to understanding her psyche.-–
x
25/12
Father put up the big picture from Versailles today, it was hard to get the nail in. Uncle Einar guilds frames and Aunt Gerda reads a novel, ”The Paradise Bird” by Rung, -@Editor: and says that it is written staccato and is for the most part descriptions from old Copenhagen -– Helped Uncle Einar make his ”low heels”. It snowed in the afternoon. Father and Uncle Einar played chess, Einar lost.
28/12.
Uncle Einar’s birthday.
29/12.
Aunt Gerda, Uncle Einar and Mrs. Gottlieb are coming to dinner with lobster. Else is making mayonnaise. Mother took an hour to eat her portion at dinner. Then there were two kinds of cheese, one moldy and one fresh, as well as salad, mayonnaise, and birthday cake. There was a lot played on the grammaphone and Uncle Einar danced a French Apache dance. Laughter etc.
3/1.
Stayed in bed because of mumps, mighty swollen head. Received 1.80 kroner from Uncle Einar because he took Else to a restaurant.
9/1.
Uncle Einar and Aunt Gerda left on the train at 10:20 via Gedser
Dec. 1924
Father told us about Einar, who dresses like a girl. The convenient conditions for this are his small stature, well-formed figure, beautiful legs and small feet. Moreover he shaves carefully and with ample use of powder and makeup he can in Paris by electric light pass for a lady. -– He raises his voice up at such a pitch that it can pass for a deep woman’s voice. -– The reason for his desire for this is probably vanity. -– Dressed as Lili Einar visited us once when we lived on Phisters Street when his own mother was visiting us. She did not recognize him.
16/8-31.
Lili and Gerda came here this morning. Lili will live here. She is here in Copenhagen to get her facial skin feminized.
Her psyche is quite womanly - -
- -. A weak point is her face. Her hair is: a wig! And her lower face is still masculine.
–
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However, the brown eyes are decidedly womanly and quite beautiful, with
pretty eyebrows and lashes.
I took a walk in the garden – and along Gentofte lake, and talked with her. Her human atmosphere is fully feminine.
- - He and Gerda had never really been married: only been good friends and complemented each other.
[The description of Einar's planned suicide.] This she told me in a silly tone, but I have the impression that Bé was serious.-–
18/8.
Lili and I have talked a lot together on our little walks by Gentofte lake – which she finds "utterly adorable".
Behind the silly girl, there is a very clearly thinking, understanding and feeling soul. It is namely mother we have discussed. Lili thinks mother's deficiencies consist of
1. - - - - - - If one really wants to tell about one’s sickness and so on, one should do it lively and jokingly – and only one time! - - - -
4. Neglected her appearance
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Lili and I have become very fine friends, – and I value her more and more.
22/8
Mother has now told Lili the whole story – and Lili has patiently sacrificed the necessary afternoon. Afterwards she was quite destroyed – and mother upset. Lili quarreled with mother about a little detail – and then mother had said that Lili had better move.
Lili took it, however, quietly – and it did
not come to a break up.-–
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- - Mother was an opponent of the operation -– and terrified and
uncomprehending about it all - - sad and tragic that her brother, whom she loved so much, - has
become a giddy, vain creature.
- - Also the name "Lili" –- she finds terrible. His mother would never have called him this, if he had started as a girl. - -
23/8
Gerda was here. She is still not feeling well after the operation -– and worries about Lili.
Lili has made the
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most horrible scenes over her appearance, and talked about suicide, if she
could not look good quickly.
Gerda asked us to try to help Lili be less self-absorbed, and get her to write on her book.
24/8
Talked with Lili. Now she is doing well
with writing on her book. I let her begin at my house -– while I studied
anatomy. The work atmosphere affected her –- and she did not want to
disturb me
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or to risk my discontent, if she was
lazy.
25/8
Mother came crying to Lili's room at 7 o’clock and woke her. Lili lost her patience and told - -
x
18/9.
Lili lives here now and writes on her book.
Gerda tells me that all their friends
seek to get her to get a divorce –- not just formally –- but also in actual
fact from Lili. –-
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She is extremely vain and claims that "beauty is a woman’s reason for
existence"!!
When we go for a walk, she asks if one can "see something". -– In consideration of the enormous amount of "cosmetics" used, -– this is usually impossible. -– If I answer negatively -– she does not believe me -– but binds a silk handkerchief around her lower face as if she had a toothache.
In the beginning when she was here –- she was really
shy –- and was uncomfortable meeting people, –- and that’s why I took her
along
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the side roads. –- Now it is less –- and she
even flirts with it!
She is very interested in men –- and tells me with all signs of joy, –- how "nasty" it is that they look at her!
She loves to think herself a "trembling dove" persecuted by big, interested menfolk. -–
6/10.
She does not agree with women’s liberation. She says, –- that if she gets married, she will love her husband,
do everything that he
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says –- and only think of being as beautiful as possible –- making him happy –- and
cheering him up, when he comes from the office. –-
x
She likes caresses and to caress. Father allows her to kiss him goodbye in the morning and goodnight in the evening.
I don’t want that.
She continues to jokingly make attempts,–- and tickles me catlike up my arm. But I
fend her off kindly and firmly. –- and she respects that –- and calls me
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"the strict Mr.
Doctor" -–
x
Towards father and me she is good natured: towards Gerda she often makes hysterical scenes –- with hysterical girly voice –- and ends with crying. –-
Well – after what she has belief gone through it is not so odd–- that her mind is difficult.
x
Today Gerda's and Lili's marriage was revoked.
I asked Lili:
– Was it the civil court?
– Yes, said Lili.
– How do you know that? – The judge was in civil!
x
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She often refers to herself as "poor little
Lili" -– and wishes to be comforted and
cuddled - - - . But overall she is in good humor. And
appreciates a joke -– even though it is at her expense -– as long as it is
good!
She is nice and friendly and takes everything in the best way.
x
One day she talks about going to a convent. The next about going to a harem. -– Just after the operation she said she had a "nun period." -–
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She is very vain about her figure and legs -– and to some degree lacks modesty -–
partially owing to her lack of practice in sitting -– etc. -– in woman’s clothing.
x
Mentally –- as a woman, she has two ages . -– When she can use the knowledge that Einar had -– and that of his character, -– that is only human -– she is a good-natured, smart and witty woman –- well up in her forties! –- but when she talks about "men" or "clothes".-– she is a giddy girl of sixteen!--
x
13/6
NB!
When I think back -– and should say something about her development since the operation, –- it must be this.
Her shyness towards people in general and men in particular has totally disappeared, –- and her joy over the stir she causes among the men, is a little boastful –- and is being attributed to a "mysterious power of attraction" –- and not to her excessive use of powder. and rouge –- and so on –-
In the beginning she was slimmer, seemed almost more feminine mentally than
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now, where so much is forced and fake, –- and she really possessed her own endearing
“virginity” -– which unfortunately has quite gone.
That her friends have betrayed her, has caused her pain –- but not bitterness, –- as she has such a friendly, understanding nature.
x
I hope that you can have some pleasure of this.
One day when I am in town, I would like to pick up the book you were so kind to offer to lend me. I will call beforehand.
Again, thank you for last time.
(#d07) Yours sincerely.
Sigurd
Thomsen