Transcription

VICE - - VERSA -@Translator: AC

un Homme change de sexe

D'après les documents authentiques et scientifiques réunis par Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman

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(01) Voyant en la personne du professeur Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist l'unique planche de salut — puisque le savant allemand lui promettait de parachever sa métamorphose — Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter résolut de suivre aveuglément ses conseils et ses indications. Mais, afin que « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 puisse survivre », il fallait «qu'Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter disparaisse ». Le jeune peintreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter partit pour BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany où, selon l'avis de Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, il s'agissait de subir « certain traitement préliminaire », avant d'entrer à la Clinique FéminineMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time de DresdeDresden (historical), city in Germany.

(02) Nous suivrons bientôt le patient dans les cabinets de consultation, où le pourcentage masculin et féminin de son être organique et psychique sera soigneusement dosé par des spécialistes, et nous l'accompagerons également dans la salle d'opérations. Mais commençons par jeter un coup d'œil sur la vie du jeune homme, afin de retracer les diverses étapes de l'évolution de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, c'est-à-dire de son moi féminin.

(03) Enfant, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter se révèle un solide gamin, impétueux et batailleur, bien qu'il ait un goût pour les poupées et les toilettes de petite fille. Comme adolescent, il se montre déjà doué d'une sensibilité d'artiste, et d'un penchant sentimental très prononcé; les nombreuses flammes juvéniles qu'il nourrit envers ses jeunes amies démontrent qu'il s'agit d'un tempérament parfaitement sain et normal.

(04) Alors qu'il était étudiant des Beaux-ArtsEcole des Beaux Arts (historical), École nationale supérieure des Beaux-Arts, the most famous school of the fine arts in Paris, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter eut le coup de foudre pour une de ses camarades, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator qu'il épousa peu après, et qui fut la compagne tendre et dévouée de sa vie d'artiste. Tous les deux peignaient, sculptaient, et leurs noms figurèrent bientôt aux expositions scandinaves et parisiennes. Par une tragique ironie du sort, ce fut GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator qui contribua à la première incarnation de « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ». Un jour qu'elle était en train de peindre, son modèleAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners (une jeune femme) lui fit défaut. Elle eut alors l'idée de costumer son mari en femme, et le déguisement réussit si bien que les époux résolurent ausitôt de mystifier leurs amis. Une camaradeAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners baptisa la pseudo-jeune femme, qui depuis porta le nom de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

(05) C'est ainsi qu'une banale farce d'atelier allait mener à un drame poignant.

(06) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 parut à des bals travestis, à des fêtes d'artistes, sur la plage de CapriCapri (histoical), island off Italy in the Gulf of Naples, au sein de sa propre famille; elle inspira de nombreuses toiles de GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator; elle devint bientôt indispensable à leur vie. La mystification fut partout complète, et AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter put bientôt se convaincre, avec stupeur, que non seulement personne ne le reconnaissait, mais que « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » exerçait une attraction puissante sur le sexe fort... Dans un cercle artistique de ParisParis (historical), capital of France, un vieux gentilhomme s'éprit « d'elle », la poursuivit de ses avances, et finit par demander sa main.

(07) Mais ces plaisanteries, si disfrayantes qu'elles fussent, servaient mystérieusement les desseins de la nature. Le déguisement devenait une habitude, développait le penchant d'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » s'affirmait de plus en plus, ébranlant la santé de jeune homme, exaspérant ses nerfs, lui enlevant peu à peu le goût de vivre.

(08) Voici le récit de cette métamorphose, tel qu'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter la conta à son ami Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman peu de temps avant d'entrer à la clinique de BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

(09) Lé récit d'Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter(1)*See mouse-over.

(10) A -@Translator: ACPARIS, au Salon d'AutomneSalon d'Automne (historical), annual art exhibit in Paris begun in 1903GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator et moi exposions tous les deux, nous fimes un jour, en 1927, la connaissance d'un sculpteur français, Jean TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners. Cette rencontre me valut de bien singulières aventures.

(11) Cet artiste possédait une maison de campagne près de BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, une petite ville du Loiret. Avec le concours de quelques amis, il avait l'intention de monter au théâtre municipal un spectable d'amateurs, dans un but de bienfaisance. Il nous invita, ma femme et moi, à y prendre part. Le « théâtre » où nous devions paraître était une sorte de « café-tabac » avec une salle attenante qui servait d'habitude au cinéma. Il n'y avait qu'un seul décor, d'ailleurs inutilisable, et GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator fut immédiatement désignée comme peintre-décorateur. A 6 heures du sour, tout était prêt, et nous devions lever le rideau à 9 heures.

(12) Vers 7 heures, je me rendis à la gare en compagnie de TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners, pour chercher le seul membre de la compagnie qui manquait à l'appel. Il s'agissait d'une jeune femme qui devait jouer un petit rôle, celui d'une Parisienne très chic. Le train entra en gare: c'était le dernier, et notre Parisienne ne s'y trouvait pas. TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners était fou de rage. Bien que le rôle fut insignifiant, sans la jeune femme la pièce tout entière s'effondrait.

(13) — En bien, nous demanderons à GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator de la remplacer, déclarai-je.

(14) — Excellente idée! s'écria TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners, et à peine avions-nous pénétré dans le soi-disant « hôtel » où nous étions descendus, qu'il se précipita sur ma femmeGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. Exténuée par le travail qu'elle venait d'accomplir au théâtre, elle était étendue sur un divan branlant.

(15) — Mais il n'en est pas question, s'exclama-t-elle, j'en serais incapable, même avec la meilleure volonté du monde!...

(16) Puis elle me glissa un regard furtif:

(17) — Mais peut-être « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » pourrait-elle s'en charger...

(18) — Qui est « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » ? demanda TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners.

(19) — Ne vous en préoccupez pas. L'essentiel c'est qu'elle veuille bien accepter le rôle. Elle le jouera sans la moindre difficulté.

(20) Lorsque le soir arriva et que nous levâmes le rideau devant une salle comble, pas un seul spectateur ne soupçonna que « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » n'était pas une femme. Bien plus, le pharmacien de BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, doué d'un tour d'esprit poétique, et qui était membre du Comité de bienfaisance, s'éprit de « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » au point d'envoyer à la mystérieuse inconnueLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 une boîte de savon à la violette...

(21) Ce soir-là, je fis la connaissance de celui qui allait devenir mon ami le plus dévoué, Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, le ténor de la revue, le seul acteur professionnel parmi nous.

(22) J'avais déjà remarqué dans le courant de la journée ce jeune artiste dont l'esprit gavroche aurait pu égayer les bars de MontmartreMontmartre (historical), a hilltop section of Paris, renowned locate for artists and intellectuals in the 1920s. Il avait des trait asymétriques, des yeux pâles, profondément enfoncés dans les orbites, et un drôle de petit nez pointu. Au premier abord, il pouvait paraître laid, mais, si on l'examinait attentivement, l'on était frappé par la bonté et la générosité qui émanaient de toute sa personne.

(23) Je dois dire que, tant que j'avais incarné AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 m'avait battu froid, mais il en fut tout autrement dès qu'il me vit costumé en « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ». Naturellement, de même que mes autres camarades, il fut mis dans le secret de ma métamorphose. Quant aux spectateurs, nous obervâmes à leur égard la plus stricte discrétion.

(24) Aussi les habitants de BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, qui avaient eu l'idée d'organiser un bal à la suite de la représentation théâtrale, n'y virent-ils que du feu. A la demande de tous mes amis, j'avais gardé mon costume féminin, et j'apparus une fois de plus aux yeux de ces braves gens comme une jeune femme attrayante, incarnant le plus pur chich parisien.

(25) Je fus traité avec la plus exquise courtoisie, et je m'amusai prodigieusement. Je dansai bien plus que les jeunes femmes authentiques. Et, lorsque je pus en fin m'arracher à mes nombreux soupirants, je vis Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 qui s'avançait. Il s'inclina devant moi, avec une de ses mines les plus comiques, vissa son monocle dans l'œil, rougit, et dit solennellement:

(26) — Mademoiselle, si vous n'êtes pas trop fatiguée, je sollicite l'honneur d'être votre cavalier.

(27) Je levai sur lui un regard surpris et j'acquiesçai d'un hochement de la tête. Ce soir-là, nous dansâmes souvent ensemble, mais nous n'échangeâmes que quelques mots à bâtons rompus.

(28) La « bonne sociéte » de BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France se tint dignement à l'écart de nos fêtes, à l'exception d'un maître-adjoint, « M. RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon », ainsi que tout le monde l'appelait, et qui était célibataire. Charmant homme, il prit part a toutes nos excursions nocturnes, et ce fut lui qui proposa aux conseillers municipaux, réunis en assemblée solennelle, d'organiser une autre fête de charité, avec le concours de « la bande de ParisParis (historical), capital of France », comme il nous appelait.

(29) La proposition fut acceptée à l'unanimité, et une invitation officielle nous fut lancée. Nous décidâmes de monter un carnaval nautique sur la LoireLoire River (historical), the longest river in France. La « nef de CupidonCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology » devait voguer à la tête d'une procession de bateaux fleuris.

(30) GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator fut chargée de la décoration. M. RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon mit à notre disposition une vieille barque à fond plat, ainsi que son débarcadère et... sa cave à vin. Mais, lorsque tout fut prêt et que la barque, dont la voile était ornée d'un grand cœur rouge, fut lancée, il devint clair qu'à cause même de la somptueuse mise en scène il était extrêmement difficile de manœuvrer. A BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, la LoireLoire River (historical), the longest river in France roule des flots impétueux. Il fallait donc que CupidonCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology et les personnages de sa suite fussent de bons nageurs. Aucune des jeunes femmes de la ville ne pouvait assumer ce rôle périlleux, Jean TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners me demanda discrètement si je voulais m'en charger, à condition que Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 m'accompagnât. Mes amis savaient que j'étais un nageur expert et vigoureux. J'acceptais, au nom de « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » et au nom de ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, qui entre temps était devenu notre grand ami.

(31) Il advint donc que j'apparus ce soir-là sous les traits de CupidonCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology adolescent... La population tout entière était assemblée sur le rivage, pour acclamer le dieu de l'Amour; et, comme il voguait en triomphe, il prit son arc d'or et décocha une pluie de flèches sur la foule qui applaudissait. Et tout le monde crut que le masque de CupidonCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology cachait le visage d'une jeune femme.

(32) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 fut chargé à la fin du carnaval de me ramener à mon hôtel et de me frayer un passage au milieu des spectateurs enthousiasmés. Lorsqu'il me reconduisit dans ma chambre, il me regard longuement, puis murmura:

(33) — N'importe comment vous vous habillerez, ma petite, vous serez toujours une jeune fille!

(34) Il s'interrompit, confus de sa propre témérité. Je le fixai d'un air surpris.

(35) — Que voulez-vous dire, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923? m'écriai-je.

(36) — Rien, rien, je vous assure, répondit-il. Et pourtant... si je confiais à LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 les idées qui m'ont hanté toute la journée, frère AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter serait sans doute très fâché...

(37) Il y a de cela environ deux ans, mon vieil ami Iven PersenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen, du Théâtre royalThe Danish Royal Theater (historical), located in Copenhagen de CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, monta une série de représentations à ParisParis (historical), capital of France. Sa femme, la célèbre danseuse Ebba PersenEbba Persen (fictional), modeled on Ulla Britta Poulsen Skou (née Iversen) (1905–2001), a Danish ballet dancer whom Gerda painted in Paris in 1927, l'accompagnait, et une de ces soirées fut consacrée à la danse.

(38) Mais le corps de ballet était extrêmement limité, un danseur manquait à la troupe et IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen me demanda si je voulais me joindre à la compagnie. J'acceptai sans enthousiasme.

(39) Au cours des répétitions qui durèrent fort longtemps, je dus sans doute me surmener. En tout cas, je fus atteint pour la première fois de fort étranges hémorragies. Je saignai du nez, mais d'une faćon si abondante, que GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator s'en inquiéta et me supplia de renoncer à mon rôle: mais je refusai, ne voulant pas mettre mon vieil ami en mauvaise posture. Je tins bon, bien que ces hémorragies revinssent au cours des répétitions successives. Et ce qu'il y a de plus étrange, c'est qu'à chaque fois j'étais saisi d'un accès de sanglots convulsifs. Après la crise, je me sentais libéré, comme si je sortais d'une espèce d'engourdissement. On eût dit que quelque chose de nouveau, d'inconnu remuait en moi; mon être tout entier semblait transformé, comme si une digue avait été brusquement rompue.

(40) Jamais la musique n'avait agi sur moi d'une façon aussi troublante, aussi bouleversante qu'au cours de cette soirée. Ce fut à cette époque que mon caractère subit une profonde transformation. Jusqu'ici, mon attitude envers mes semblables était plutôt impérieuse et condescendante. Dès la première répétition, je fus tourmenté par un sentiment de défaite. J'étais saisi d'un brusque désir de renoncer à moi-même, d'obéir, de me soumettre entièrement à une volonté autre que la mienne... Au cours de la représentation, mon vieux camarade IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen et sa femme jouaient les premiers rôles. Il y a de cela un an, nous avions passé tous trois des heures joyeuses à CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. Il ne m'était jamais venu en tête d'être le subordonné d'IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen, de reconnaître en lui « mon maître ». Mais ce soir-là j'etais devenu son esclave, je rougissais comme un efant lorsqu'il m'adressait une recommendation... Et, s'il m'approchait, je me sentais plein de confusion... Pourtant, aux désordres psychiques que je ressentais il ne se mêlait aucun élan érotique. A ce point de vue nous étions, IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen et moi, des hommes parfaitement equililibrés. Aussi je n'arrivais pas à comprendre ce qui se passait. Cela était tout simplement. Et ce ne fut pas moi, mais GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator qui fut la première à s'apercevoir de cette nouvelle « humilité », comme elle disait en plaisantant. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator en riait et me taquinait, mais son sourire cachait une profonde surprise.

(41) Au cours des semaines qui suivirent, mon état nerveux empira. A des intervalles réguliers j'étais victime de ces étranges crises de dépression accompagnées violentes hémorragies et de douleurs
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intense. Et puis il y avait ces accès de larmes incompréhensibles. Au début, je pensais que j'avais déplace quelque organe interne au cours des représentations de ballet, et GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator partageait mon avis. Nous nous rendîmes chez un docteur... Celui-ci me mena à son tour chez un spécialiste de VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris. Il examina attentivement mon cœur et ne cacha pas sa surprise... Enfin, il déclara qu'il avait trouvé d'étranges irrégularités dans mes organes internes... Pour le reste, il considérait que la seule chose à faire était d'attendre, d'autant plus que j'étais d'une excellente constitution.

(42) Certes, le médecin ne m'avait rien dit de bien précis, mais cet entretien m'inspira de la confiance et même une sorte d'espoir mystique. A présent j'étais entièrement convaincu que quelque chose de tout à fait extraordinaire était en train de se passer en moi. L'expression du docteur m'en disait bien plus long que ses paroles... Alors, de même que bien des malades qui ignorent leur mal, je me mis à acheter des livres scientifiques traitant des problèmes sexuels. Bientôt, j'avais acquis de sérieuses connaissances en cette matière, et je sus bien des choses dont le profane ne se doute pas. Et pourtant, je compris que les faits se rattachant à des hommes et à des femmes normaux ne pouvaient éclairer mon propre cas qui demeurait mystérieux.

(43) Et c'est ainsi que je formai en mon esprit une opinion indépendante, à savoir que j'étais en même temps un homme et une femme en un seul corps, et que la femme en moi était en train d'affirmer sa supériorité sur l'homme. Mais, lorsque je soumis ma théorie à des médecins, ils l'accueillirent avec dédain. Les plus courtois me soignèrent gentiment, en invoquant toutes sortes de maladies, tandis que d'autres me traitèrent d'hystérique, ou de fou tout simplement.

(44) Ce fut une période terrible. Ma santé déclinait, bientôt je perdis le sommeil. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator fut la seule qui crut en mon hypothèse. C'est à elle que je dois d'avoir gardé l'espoir de trouver un jour le salut.

(45) L'unique ami qui se rendit plus ou moins compte de mon état était Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923. A cette époque, il fut notre consolateur. Sans que nous ayons eu besoin d'échanger des paroles, il devinait ce qui était caché derrière le calme apparent que nous lui témoignions, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, moi et... « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ». Et, lorsqu'il venait nous voir le dimanche, l'ancienne gaieté renaissait.

(46) De même que GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, cet ami avait compris que le seul esprit qui était encore vivant en moi était « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ». Ils le croyaient fermement tous les deux. Aussi, tous les leux encourageaient « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » à s'incarner aussi souvent que possible.

(47) Je cédais de plus en plus souvent la place à mon « moi féminin », et ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 s'en montrait heureux. Lorsque je l'accueillais costumé en « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 », il s'empressait autour de moi. Souvent, il m'emmenait dans le parc de Versaillesgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, où nous faisions de longues promenades. Pendant une de ces soirées, comme nous errions bras dessus, bras dessous sur la terrase, nous entendîmes une jeune femme dire à son compagnon : « Regardez, voilà un couple d'amoureux! »

(48) Au cours de ce dernier été passé à VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, je m'aperçus que, lorsque je me trouvais dans la rue ou que je me promenais dans le parcgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, les gens se mettaient à me fixer avec surprise. D'ailleurs, j'éveillais la curiosité même dans les magasins où j'étais un vieux client. Il est vrai que cela avait commencé bien avant, lors de mes séjours à ParisParis (historical), capital of France, mais jamais cela ne s'était répété aussi souvent. Il faut bien le dire: les Parisiens sont les gens les plus polis, les plus indifférents et les plus blasés du monde, tandis que les VersaillaisVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris sont des demi-provinciaux.

(49) Comme je me hâtais un matin vers le parcgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris où j'allais peindre tous les jours, je pris un raccourci, et traversai le corridor de l'Hôtel des RéservoirsHôtel des Reservoirs (historical), at that time a hotel on rue des Réservoirs near the park of Versailles, où plusieurs garçons d'étage étaient assemblés. Je ne leur prêtai nulle attention, mais à peine avais-je fait quelques pas, que j'entendis une exclamation derrière moi:

(50) — Regardez la belle môme habillée en homme.

(51) Extérieurement, notre vie n'était guère changée. Je me montrais même fort gai lorsque je recevais la visite de mes amis, mais je m'efforçais surtout d'observer cette attitude envers ma femme, car je craignais qu'elle ne lût mes pensées, qui devenaient de plus en plus mélancoliques. Je voyais bien à quel point elle était à présent inquiète. Elle cherchait à dominer son angoisse, et me montrait un visage souriant, qui ne dissimulait qu'à moitié son angoisse.

(52) De temps en temps, je ne résistais pas à mon instinct d'incarner « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 », la jeune femme frivole et insouciante. Je savais bien, hélas, que cette « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » était plus gaie que moi; oui, nous nous en rendions compte tous les deux. « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » était seule capable de consoler GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, et, à la demande de cette dernière, mon moi féminin s'installait, demeurait pendant plusieurs jours parmi nous. En la compagnie de « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 », GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator trouvait les nuits moins longues et moins angoissantes, car « LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 » s'endormait plus vite qu'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, et GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, elle aussi, pouvait alors dormir... Mais, sans que GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator le sache, je pleurais souvent. Cet être nouveau que je sentais croître en moi avait toujours eu son univers de rêves. A présent, ces songes ne revenaient que fort rarement, mais ils présentaient toujours les mêmes images: c'était l'hiver, un hiver glacial et désolant, et LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 attendait le printemps ensoleillé.

(53) C'est dans cet état d'âme tourmenté et douloureux que nous atteignîmes le mois de février. Nos amis ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques et ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini étaient à ParisParis (historical), capital of France. Vint le jour ou ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques me conduisit chez cet homme étrange qui venait d'AllemagneGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin..

(54) Aujourd'hui, c'est le 3 mars. En moins de deux mois ce sera le 1er mai. C'est l'extreme limite que je me suis fixée. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 survivra-t-elle, naîtra-t-elle à une nouvelle existence?

(55) Son sort est entre les mains de Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

(56) (A suivre.) Niels HOYERNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman.

(57) Reproduction même partielle interdite.

(58) (Copyright by Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman)

Translation

VICE — — VERSA

A man changes sex

Based on authentic and scientific documents, assembled by Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman

(01) Seeing in the person of professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist the only lifeline—because the German scientist was promising to complete his metamorphosis—Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter resolved to blindly follow his recommendations and instructions. But, for "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 to survive," "Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had to disappear." The young painterAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter left for BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany where Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist thought it necessary for him to undertake "certain preliminary treatments", before entering the Women’s Clinic in DresdenMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time.

(02) We will soon follow the patient into the consulting rooms where the specialists will carefully measure out the feminine and masculine percentage of his physical and psychological being, and we will also join him in the operating room. But let's start by glancing at this young manAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter's life, in order to retrace the different developmental stages of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, that is, his feminine self.

(03) As a child, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter proves to be a robust boy, impetuous and pugnacious, despite his preference for dolls and little girl outfits. As a teenager, he already displays an artistic sensibility and a very pronounced sentimental inclination; the many juvenile passions he felt for his young friends show a perfectly sane and normal temperament.

(04) When he was a student of Fine Arts, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter fell in love at first sight with one of his colleagues, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, whom he married shortly after and who had been the tender and devout companion of his artistic life. Both of them were painting, sculpting and soon their names became fixtures of the Parisian and Scandinavian exhibitions. By an ironic twist of fate, it was GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator who contributed to the first incarnation of "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931". One day, while she was getting ready to paint, her modelAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners (a young woman) failed to appear. She then had the idea to dress her husbandAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter in women's clothes, and the disguise was so successful, that the spouses decided instantly to mystify their friends. A friendAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners baptized the pseudo-young woman, who has since borne the name LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

(05) This is how a banal studio farce was to lead to a heartbreaking drama.

(06) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 appeared at costume balls, artist parties, on the beach of CapriCapri (histoical), island off Italy in the Gulf of Naples, in front of her own family: she inspired many of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's paintings; she soon became indispenable to their life. The deception worked everywhere, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was soon persuaded, to his astonishment, that not only did no one recognize him, but that "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" was exerting a powerful attraction over the stronger sex... In one of the Parisian artistic circles, an old gentleman fell in love with her, followed her with his advances, and ended by asking for her hand.

(07) But these jokes, entertaining as they were, were serving mysteriously the designs of nature. The disguise was becoing a habit, was developing AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' inclination. "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" was increasingly affirming herself, weakening the young manAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter's health, taking away from him, little by little, the desire to live.

(08) This is the story of this metamorphosis, the account of which AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter gave to his friend Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman -@Editor: PLC shortly before entering the clinic in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

(09) The story of Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter1*See mouse-over.

(10) In PARISParis (historical), capital of France, at the Autumn ExpositionSalon d'Automne (historical), annual art exhibit in Paris begun in 1903, where both GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I were exhibiting, we met one day, in 1927, a French sculptor, Jean TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners. This encounter brought me adventures unlike no others.

(11) This artistJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners owned a house in the country near BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, a little town in Loiret. With the help of a few friends, he had the intention to put on an amateur show at the municipal theater, for a charitable purpose. He invited us, my wife and me, to take part in it. The "theater" where we were to appear was a kind of "café bar" with an adjoining room usually used a cinema. It had only one set, although unusable, and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had been immediately appointed as painter and decorator. By six o'clock in the evening, everything was ready, and we were to raise the curtain at nine o'clock.

(12) Around seven, I went to the train station with TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners, to look for the only company member who was missing the roll call. It was a young woman who had to play a small role, that of a very chic Parisian. The train entered the station: it was the last, and our Parisian wasn't there. TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners was furious. Though it was a small role, without it, the whole play would collapse.

(13) — Well, we will ask GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator to replace her, I declared.

(14) — Excellent idea! cried TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners and, upon just entering the so-called "hotel" where we were staying, he rushed towards my wifeGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. Exhausted by the work she had just finished for the theater, she was lying on a shaky day bed.

(15) — But it's out of the question, she exclaimed, I would be incapable of doing it, even with the best intention in the world!...

(16) Then she cast me a furtive look:

(17) — But perhaps "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" could take care of this...

(18) "Who is "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931"? asked TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners.

(19) — Don't worry. The important thing is that she accepts the role. She will perform it without the smallest difficulty.

(20) When the evening arrived and we raised the curtain in front of a room packed full, not even one spectator guessed that "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" was not a woman. Moreover, the pharmacist of BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, gifted with a poetic turn of mind, and who was a member of the Charity Committee, fell for her to the point where he sent to the mysterious strangerLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 a box with violet soap...

(21) That evening, I met the person who would become my most devoted friend, Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, who had the leading role of the show, as the only professional actor among us.

(22) I had already remarked, during the day, this young artistClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 whose mischievous spirit could cheer up the bars of MontmartreMontmartre (historical), a hilltop section of Paris, renowned locate for artists and intellectuals in the 1920s. He had asymmetrical features, light eyes deeply set in the orbits, and a funny little, pointed nose. At first sight, he could seem ugly, but on a closer examination, one was struck by the kindness and generosity that his whole person exuded.

(23) I must say that, as long as I embodied AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 had given me the cold shoulder, but it all changed when he saw me costumed as "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931". Naturally, like my other friends, he was soon in on the secret about my metamorphosis. As for the spectators, we exercised the strictest discretion.

(24) Also, the residents of BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, who had the idea of organizing a ball following the theatrical performance, could not see the light. At the request of all my friends, I kept on my female costume, and I appeared once more in the eyes of these nice people as an attractive young woman, the most authentic, chic Parisian.

(25) I had been treated with the most exquisite courtesy, and I had tremendous fun. I was dancing better than the authentic young women. And when I could tear myself away from my suitors, I saw Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 coming toward me. He bowed in front of me, with one of his most comical expressions, fit the monocle over his eye, blushed and said solemnly:

(26) — Mademoiselle, if you are not too tired, I request the honor of being your partner.

(27) I looked at him surprised and accepted with a nod. That evening, we danced often, but we only exchanged only a few words here and there.

(28) The "good society" of BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France held a dignified distance from our parties, with the exception of a deputy mayor, "Mr. RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon", as everybody called him, and who was bachelor. A charming man, he took part in all of our nocturnal trips, and it was he who proposed to the aldermen, solemnly assembled, to organize another charitable festivity with the help of the "ParisParis (historical), capital of France gang", as he was referring to us.

(29) The proposal was accepted unanimously, and an official invitation was sent to us. We decided to stage a nautical carnival upon the LoireLoire River (historical), the longest river in France. "CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology's ship" had to sail at the head of a procession of ships adorned with flowers.

(30) GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was responsible for the decorations. Mr. RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon put at our disposal an old flat bottom boat, as well as its wharf... and his wine cellar. But, when everything was ready and the boat, whose sail was embellished with a big red heart, was launched, it became clear that, exactly because of the sumptuous staging, it was extremely difficult to manuveur it. At BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, the LoireLoire River (historical), the longest river in France flows with impetuous waves. Thus, CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology and the characters of his retinue had to be good swinmmers. As none of the young women of the town could assume this dangerous role, Jean TempêteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners asked me discretely if I was willing to do it, provided that Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 would accompany me. My friends knew that I was a skillful and vigorous swimmer. I accepted on behalf of "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" and on behalf of ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, who in the meantime had become our great friend.

(31) So it thus happened that I appeared that night under the guise of a teenage CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology... All the population had assembled on the shore to acclaim the god of Love; and, as he was sailing triumphantly, he took his golden bow and shot a rain of arrows upon the applauding crowd. And everybody thought that CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology's mask was hiding the face of a young woman.

(32) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 had been asked to bring me back to the hotel at the end of the carnival and to clear a path through the enthusiastic spectators. While he was leading me to my room, he looked at me for a long time, then he whispered:

(33) — No matter how you dress, sweetheart, you will always be a young girl!

(34) He broke off, confused by his own audacity. I looked at him with surprise.

(35) — What do you mean, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923? I exclaimed.

(36) — Nothing, nothing, I assure you, he answered. However, if I confided to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 the ideas that trouble me all day long, brother AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter would certainly be very upset...

(37) Around two years ago, my old friend Iven PersenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen, of the Regal Theater of CopenhagenThe Danish Royal Theater (historical), located in Copenhagen, staged a series of performances in ParisParis (historical), capital of France. His wife, the famous dancer Ebba PersenEbba Persen (fictional), modeled on Ulla Britta Poulsen Skou (née Iversen) (1905–2001), a Danish ballet dancer whom Gerda painted in Paris in 1927, was with him, and one of these performances was dedicated to dance.

(38) But the ballet corps was extremely limited, the troupe was missing a dancer and IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen asked me if I wanted to join the company. I accepted reluctantly.

(39) During the rehearsals that lasted very long, I certainly must have worked too hard. At any rate, I was suffering for the first time from odd hemorrhages. My nose was bleeding, but in such an abundant way, that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator became worried and entreated me to give up my role: but I refused, not wanting to put my old friendIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen in a difficult position. I managed, though these hemorrhages returned during the following rehearsals. And, what is even more strange, is that each time I was seized by a bout of convulsive crying. After the crisis, I was feeling released, as if I were coming out of a sort of torpor. It was as if something new, unknown was stirring inside me; my whole being seemed transformed, as if a dam had been suddenly broken.

(40) Never had music had such a disturbing impact on me, so unsettling, as during this show. It was during that time that my character suffered a profound transformation. Until now my attitude toward the others was rather imperious and condescending. Since the first rehearsal, I had been tormented by a feeling of defeat. I was seized by a sudden desire to give myself up, to obey, to submit entirely to another will than mine... During the performances, my old friend IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen and his wifeEbba Persen (fictional), modeled on Ulla Britta Poulsen Skou (née Iversen) (1905–2001), a Danish ballet dancer whom Gerda painted in Paris in 1927 played the leading roles. One year ago, all three of us spent many happy hours in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. It never crossed my mind to be IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen's subordinate, to recognize him as "my master". But that evening, I had become his slave, blushing like a child when he would recommend I do something... And, if he approached me, I would feel confused... Nonetheless, there wasn't any erotic impulse mixed into the psychological disorders that I was experiencing. From that point of view, we were, IvenIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen and me, perfectly balanced men. Thus, I couldn't understand what was happening. It was simply this. And it was not me, but GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator who first perceived this new "humbleness", as she would say jokingly. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was laughing and teasing me, but her smile was hiding a profound surprise.

(41) During the following weeks, the state of my nerves worsened. At regular intervals, I was the victim of these strange crises of depression accompanied by strong hemorrhages and

(42) intense pains. And then there were these uncontrollable outbursts of incomprehensible tears. First, I thought that I had displaced some internal organs during the ballet performances, and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator shared my opinion. We went to a doctor... In turn, this one took me to a specialist from VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris. He examined carefully my heart and didn't hide his surprise... At last, he announced that he had found strange irregularities in my internal organs... For the rest, he thought that the only thing to do was to wait, all the more since I was in excellent health.

(43) Indeed, the doctor didn't tell me anything precisely, but this discussion gave me confidence and even a sort of mystical hope. In that moment I was entirely convinced that something absolutely extraordinary was going to happen in me. The doctor's expression told me more than his words. Then, just as many sick people who don't know anything about their illness, I started to buy scientific books about sexual problems. Soon, I had acquired some serious knowledge in this matter, and I knew a lot of things that the uninitiated do not know. And yet, I understood that the facts attached to normal men and women could not shed light on my own case which remained mysterious.

(44) And in this way, I formed in my mind an independent opinion, that is, that I was at the same time a man and a woman in one body, and that the woman in me was in the process of affirming her superiority over the man. But, when I submitted my theory to the doctors, they received it with disdain. The most courteous treated me kindly, invoking all kinds of diseases, while the others treated me as if I was hysteric or merely crazy.

(45) This was a terrible period. My health was declining, soon I lost sleep. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was the only one who believed in my hypothesis. I owe it to her that I kept hoping that one day I would find the salvation.

(46) The only friend who realized more or less my state was Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923. At that time, he was our source of comfort. Without us having to tell him, he was able to guess what was hidden behind the apparent calm that we assumed before him, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, me... and "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931". And when he came to see us on Sunday, the former cheerfulness would revive.

(47) As with GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator this friendClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 understood that the only spirit still living in me was "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931". Both of them firmly believed this. Also, they both were encouraging "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" to come as often as possible.

(48) I was more and more yielding the place to my "feminine self", and this appeared to make ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 happy. When welcoming him costumed as "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931", he gave me a lot of attention. Often, he brought me to the park of Versaillesgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, where we took long walks. During one of these evenings, as we were wandering arm in arm, we heard a young woman say to her companion: "Look, a couple of lovers!"

(49) During this last summer spent at VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, I realized that, when I was on the street or walking through the parkgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, the men began to stare at me with surprise. Moreover, I was arousing curiosity even in the shops where I was a regular customer. It is true that this had begun long ago, during my visits in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, but it never happened so often. It must be said: the Parisians are the most polite, the most indifferent and the most blasé people in the world, while in VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, they are semi-provincial.

(50) As I was harrying one day to the parkgrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris where I went to paint each and every day, I took a shortcut, and crossed the pathway of the Hôtel des RéservoirsHôtel des Reservoirs (historical), at that time a hotel on rue des Réservoirs near the park of Versailles, where a few bellboys had gathered. I didn't pay any attention to them, but after barely a few steps, I heard an exclamation behind me:

(51) — Look at the pretty chick dressed like a man.

(52) On the outside, our life had not changed at all. I was acting even more joyful when having friends over, but I was trying hard to maintain this attitude especially with my wifeGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, because I was afriad that she would read my thoughts that were increasingly turning melancholic. I could see very well how worried she was now. She was trying to control her anxiety and was showing me a smiling face that only partially concealed her concern.

(53) At times, I couldn't resist the urge to embody "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931", who was more cheerful than me; yes, both of us were realizing it. "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" was the only one capable of consoling GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and, at the request of the latter, my feminine self would settle in and remain for a few days with us. In the company of "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator found the nights less long and less harrowing, because "LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931" was falling asleep faster than AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, and then GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator too was able to sleep... But, without GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator knowing it, I was often crying. This new being that I was feeling growing within me had always had her own dream world. For now, these dreams returned only very rarely, but they presented the same images: it was winter, a glacial and desolate winter, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was waiting for the sunny spring.

(54) In this tormented and painful state, we reached the month of February. Our friends ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini were in ParisParis (historical), capital of France. The day came when ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques led me to this strange manProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist who came from GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin..

(55) Today is March 3. In less than two months, it will be the 1st of May. It's the maximum limit that I had allowed myself. Will LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 survive, will she be born to a new existence?

(56) Her fate is in the hands of Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

(57) (To be continued.) NIELS HOYERNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman

(58) Even partial reproduction is forbidden.

(59) (Copyright by Niels Hoyer)Niels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman