Transcription

VICE - - VERSA

UN HOMME CHANGE DE SEXE

D'après les documents authentiques et scientifiques réunis par Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman

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(01) Ainsi que ses proches et elle-même l'avaient prévu, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 allait traverser au DanemarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen. une crise des plus douloureuses. Ce fut d'abord la crainte maladive d'être un objet de curiosité et de scandale dans son pays natal, où son aventure ne pouvait longtemps demeurer secrète. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 éprouvait une véritable panique à l'idée de « faire sensation », et il faut croire que l'ébranlement nerveux causé par plusieurs chocs opératoires et les souffrances cruelles qu'elle avait subies étaient une des causes principales de sa neurasthénie. A CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 mena une vie beaucoup plus retirée qu'à BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, fuyant amis et connaissances, et ne s'aventurant dans la rue que le visage recouvert d'un voile épais.

(02) Pourtant, le public danois ne prêta, au début, aucune attention à sa présence dans cette ville, et son incognito ne fut pas dévoilé. Par contre, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 vécut des heures extrêmement pénibles en revoyant sa sœurSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954) qui, malgré toute son affection, ne pouvait s'accoutumer à la métamorphose de « frère AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ». Ce qui la surprenait, c'était moins, peut-être, le changement physique que la transformation psychologique qui lui paraissait inexplicable, choquante! En effet, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 s'obstinait, avec une sorte d'acharnement, à démontrer que son sosie masculinAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter était mort, mort pour toujours, et que rien de son passé ne subsistait. Elle se refusait d'évoquer les souvenirs de ce passé et déclarait qu'elle serait absolument incapable de peindre ou de sculpter « à la manière » d'Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. Elle adopta une attitude encore plus obstinée chez son frèreChristian (fictional), Andreas’s brother-in-law; modeled on Thomas Christian Thomsen (1883-1963), married to Einar’s sister Christiane and father of Einar’s nephew, Sigurd qu'elle visita en JutlandJutland (historical), the largest region of Denmark, mais qui fit preuve d'un grand tact et d'une grande compréhension à son égard.

(03) Cependant, par une tragique ironie, plus LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 cherchait à prouver qu'elle était une femme et rien qu'une femme, plus elle ressentait de doutes à ce sujet. L'assurance qu'elle avait connue à BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany et à DresdeDresden (historical), city in Germany l'avait brusquement quittée. Elle s'examinait longuement dans la glace, interrogeait les regards de ses proches, se posant sans cesse la question torturante: « Mon visage, mon corps, mes allures sont-ils vraiment ceux d'une femme? Mon but est-il atteint, ou ai-je souffert en vain? » Pourtant, ce fut à cette époque que les résultats de l'opération se firent définitivement sentir. Le corps de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 prenait un aspect de plus en plus féminin, ses seins se développaient, son visage s'affinait. Mais elle ne cessait d'en douter. Entre temps, d'autres difficultés surgissaient. Comment transformer son état civil, enregistrer la naissance officielle de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? Sa situations vis-à-vis de sa femme GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator devait également être réglée. Fallait-il considérer AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter mort ou disparu?

(04) V. — LE CRÉPUSCULE

(05) LORSQUE LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 s'établit à CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, un marchand de tableaux, qui était une des rares personnes à connaître son secret, lui proposa d'organiser une exposition des toiles de l'ex-AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, afin de réunir les fonds indispensables à sa nouvelle existence. Pour éviter les indiscrétions, il fut décidé de passer une note dans les journaux annonçant que l'exposition devait couvrir les frais du traitement d'Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, gravement malade dans une clinique de BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

(06) Malgré ces précautions, une atmosphère d'intense curiosité régnait dans la salle d'exposition le jour de vernissage. Quelques intimes étaient au courant de la métamorphose d'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, mais le grand public ne connaissait que les vagues rumeurs, les allusions, les bruits fantastiques qui couraient dans la ville au sujet du jeune peintreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. Personne n'osa acheter les tableaux d'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter.

(07) C'est alors qu'une journaliste, à laquelle LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 avait fait des confidences, vint à son secours. Depuis longtemps, cette personneLousie (Loulou) Lassen (1876–1947), a Danish journalist who interviewed the Wegeners and assisted Lili in an early draft of her memoirs, collaboratrice d'un grand quotidien danois, avait voulu conter l'extraordinaire aventure. Mais LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 s'y était toujours opposée. A présent, la journaliste lui expliqua qu'il était indespensable de mettre le public au courant des faits. Un peintre aussi connu qu'Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ne pouvait certes pas disparaître sans laisser aucune trace; ce mystère suscitait toutes sortes de rumeurs qu'il était impossible d'étouffer. Mieux valait dire la vérité et conter la merveilleuse expérience de Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

(08) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 finit par céder, bien à contre-cœur, et ce fut au début de mars 1931 que la nouvelle sensationnelle, lancée d'abored à CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, se répandit à travers le monde entier: un homme avait été changé en femme... En EuropeEurope (historical), a continent in the Northern Hemisphere, en AmériqueAmerica (historical), commonly used to refer to the United States of America, le monde des laboratoires se mit à commenter, à discuter ce cas étrange. Et ce fut le fait divers scientifique le plus sensationnel de tous les temps. La photo de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 parut dans tous les journaux du monde, souvent accompagnée de commentaires plus ou moins fantaisistes, voire ironiques.

(09) Et pourtant, c'était un effroyable drame.

(10) Et pourtant, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, en chair et en os, vêtue à la dernière mode, et accompagnée de GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, circulait tranquillement dans les rues de CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark.

(11) Car, à l'exception de ceux qui la connaissaient personnellement et avaient entendu son histoire de ses propres lèvres, nul ne se doutait que l'élégante jeune femmeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 que l'on voyait chaque jour déambuler dans les rue de CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark n'était autre que la célèbre LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, — l'homme qui avait changé de sexe...

(12) Son incognito étant respecté, la crainte d'être prise pour une « bête curieuse », un phénomène, disparut peu à peu... Sa santé s'améliora, ses nerfs se fortifièrent. Elle n'éprouvait plus le besoin de fuir, de se cacher...

(13) De plus, son état civil avait été rectifié: par un décret royal, elle était autorisée à s'appeler Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 et fut enregistrée sous ce nom.

(14) Enfin, ses liens conjugaux tombèrent à leur tour; un jour, elle prit congé de la fidèle GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, qui s'embarquait pour le Midi où son mariage avec FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband allait être célébré.

(15) Durant les quelques semaines qui avaient précédé ce départ, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 apprit pour la première fois ce que c'est que de vivre en compagnie d'une femme amoureuse — d'un autre, respirant le bonheur et l'espoir...

(16) A présent que GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, était partie et que LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 se trouvait seule, elle ressentit une secrète mélancolie, presque de l'envie... Mais non, c'était impossible, personne ne désirait plus qu'elle le bonheur de son « ex-femme »Grete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator...

(17) Enfin, elle se rendit compte qu'elle souffrait de sentiment d'un vide, de quelque chose en elle qui demeurait inachevé.

(18) Le printemps approchait... le jardin qui entourait la maison où elle occupait un modeste logement se revêtait d'une tendre verdure. Le corps de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 était plein d'une nouvelle vigueur, respirait la force et la jeunesse... Et pourtant, sa nostalgie, son trouble, auquel elle n'osait pas prêter un nom, devenait de plus en plus intense, plus impérieux.

(19) Un jour, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 reçut une lettre de Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 lui annonçant son arrivée prochaine. Et en effet, il débarqua un beau matin à CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. Pendant ces huit jours qu'il passa en DanemarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen., ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 et LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ne se quittèrent pas; ils visitèrent ensemble la ville, fréquentèrent théâtres et restaurants, firent des excursions dans les environs, que le printemps enveloppait d'une atmosphère à la fois douce et fervente.

(20) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 reconta à son amieLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 les dernières nouvelles de ParisParis (historical), capital of France, évoqua mille souvenirs communs. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 écoutait en souriant, mais par moment, elle éprouvait un sentiment étrange, mystérieux, comme si quelque chose de tout nouveau, d'impondérable, remuait en elle.

(21) Un soir, comme ils soupaient dans un restaurant, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, dit brusquement:

(22) — Ma petite LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, je dois vous ramener chez vous... Il se fait fort tard, et je risque de vous compromettre.

(23) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ne put s'empêcher de rire, car elle n'avait jamais entendu son joyeux compagnonClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 prononcer de telles paroles. Mais lorsqu'elle leva les yeux vers lui, elle vit que son visage était grave, concentré...

(24) En montant dans le taxi qui les emporta, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 prit le bras de son amiClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, en lui disant:

(25) — Voyons, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, qu'avez-vous? Pourquoi ce visage sérieux ... J'avoue que je ne retrouve plus votre gaîté d'autrefois!

(26) Le jeune hommeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 saisit la main de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 et s'écria:

(27) — Oui, oui, vous avez raison... Je vous trouve tellement changée, il y a en vous quelque chose que je ne vous connaissais pas avant votre nouvelle naissance. Oui, vous êtes, sans doute, jeune et vigoureuse... et pourtant, vous n'êtes qu'une jeune fille.

(28) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 l'écoutait de plus en plus surprise.

(29) — Hélas! reprit ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, dans quelques jours, je serai obligé de vous quitter; il m'est très douloureux de vous laisser seule, exposée à tant de dangers! Ah! vous ne le croyez peut-être pas, mais tous ceux qui ont connu Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter
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vous considèrent comme un phénomène, et rien qu'un phénomène.

(30) — Mais que dois-je faire? soupira LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

(31) — Quitter cette villeCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark!

(32) — C'est là mon intention; GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator m'attend en ItalieItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome..

(33) — Vous ne songez qu'à des voyages, de longs voyages toute seule!... Et puis, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator est sans doute très gentille de vous offrir l'hospitalité, mais n'oubliez pas qu'il s'agit de deux jeunes mariés. Ils ont attendu si longtemps le bonheur! Auront-ils place pour une troisième personne?

(34) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 se tut un instant, puis:

(35) — Je vais partir pour la TurquieTurkey (historical), a country in the Middle East whose capital is Ankara., où je suis nommé à un poste consulaire...

(36) Il fixa son amieLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 d'un regard plein de généreuse bonté:

(37) — Voulez-vous m'accompagner, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931?

(38) La question était si inattendue qu'elle ne put réprimer un geste d'étonnement. Elle murmura:

(39) — Parlez-vous sérieusement, mon amiClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923?

(40) — Pouvez-vous en doutez, ma petite LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931?... Voulez-vous être ma femme?

(41) Elle n'eut qu'un cri:

(42) — Oui! oh! oui, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923!

(43) Alors le jeune hommeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 lui prit les deux mains et les porta à ses lèvres. Il semblait en proie à une vive agitation, mais ce ne fut que lorsqu'il approcha sa bouche de la sienne que LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 se rendit compte brusquement du sense des paroles qu'ils venaient d'échanger. Une sensation à la fois de bonheur et de crainte l'envahit, et soudain elle crut entendre résonner à ses oreilles la voix de Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist...

(44) Terrifiée, elle s'arracha à l'étreinte. ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 la regarda avec angoisse:

(45) — Qu'y a-t-il, ma chérieLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? Tu ne m'aimes donc plus?

(46) — Tu sais bien que je t'aime, soupira LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, mais je ne puis songer au mariage avant de consulter le professeur KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Je n'ose rien entreprendre sans sa permission... Lui seul a le droit de disposer de moi!

(47) Le train ralentit en traversant le pont de l'ElbeElbe River (historical), river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden, et LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 s'empressa de mettre son manteau et son chapeau. Brusquement, le panorama de DresdeDresden (historical), city in Germany surgit, reflétant ses tours et ses maison dans le fleuveElbe River (historical), river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden, dont LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 portait à présent le nom.

(48) Elle tremblait, pressant son front moite à la vitre, serrant les dents pour ne pas pleurer.

(49) Quelques minutes plus tard, elle descendit du train, et un taxi l'emporta vers la clinique féminineMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time. Encore émue, mais déjà souriante, elle pénétra sons le porche tranquille, le foyer de son cœur.

(50) Rien n'avait changé, et LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 se jeta avec joie dans les bras de l'infirmière-majorMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female. Elle aspira longuement l'odeur d'éther et de formol qui flottait dans couloirs et se laissa envahir par les rumeurs familières de la vaste ruche médicale.

(51) Puis, elle attendit, et un sentiment de paix infinie l'enveloppa. La porte s'ouvrit, une silhouette svelte et élancée vêtue de blanc, s'empressa vers elle. Elle vit le regard clair-obscur, les cheveux sombres encandrant un front de penseur. Comme une somnambule, elle se laissa emmener dans le cabinet du professeur KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Fascinée, elle écoutait la voix veloutée, ne sachant plus dans quel but elle était venue. Ce fut lui qui la rappela à la réalité:

(52) — Qu'aviez-vous l'intention de me dire? Allons, je vous écoute.

(53) Et LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 répondit:

(54) — Je suis venue pour vous demander si vous me jugez assez forte pour subir une nouvelle opération. Je désire pouvoir être mère.

(55) Voici quelques fragments des dernières lettres de LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, écrites à DresdeDresden (historical), city in Germany entre le 14 juin et le 22 août 1931.

(56) 14 juin

(57) Après m'avoir examinée, le professeurProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist a résolu de m'opérer. L'intervention aura probablement lieu mardi, mais il faut me promettre de n'en rien dire à GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. Ne troublons pas son bonheur... J'admire profondément le professeurProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist: non satisfait des résultats déja obtenus, il est prêt à risquer une nouvelle opération, afin que je puisse me marier, et qui sait? peut-être avoir des enfants. Si le pire arrivait (mais pe ne puis le croire), je mourrais heureuse à la pensée que je suis demeurée, jusqu'à mon dernier soupir, auprès de celui auquel je dois la vie.

(58) 15 juin

(59) Il faut comprendre mon désir d'être mère, car je tiens à prouver qu'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter est entièrement disparu en moi, et qu'il est mort pour de bon. Ce n'est que grâce à l'enfant que je parviendrai à me convaincre moi-même que, dès le début de mon existence, je fus en réalité une femme... Ceux qui ne comprennent que les choses qui relèvent du domaine du « bon sens » et du « normal » m'ont souvent demandé si j'avais gardé quelque souvenir, si vague qu'il fût, des émotions amoureuses, de la sensibilité érotique du mâle. Question qui me blesse au point le plus sensible de mon être! Puisque la nature, aidée de l'art consommé de KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, a opéré le miracle de ma métamorphose, je me sentirais humiliée dans mon orgueil de femme si les sensations inhérentes à l'autre sexe pouvaient encore m'effleurer! Je lutte contre les ignorants qui ne veulent voir en moi qu'un phénomène, un être anormal. Je suis une femme, une femme comme tant d'autres. Ceux qui s'obstinent à m'envisager comme une « attraction » me causent tant de chagrin que je suis souvent hantée par l'idée du suicide. Et pourtant, la volonté de vivre est plus forte, je le dois bien au savantProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist qui a fait de moi une femme normale.

(60) 16 juin

(61) Je serai probablement opérée demain. Je ne crains pas la souffrance. Je voudrais demeurer ici pour toujours. Mais de temps en temps une vague angoisse m'étreint. Pourquoi m'inquiéter? Je sais que tout se passera à merveille. Mourir?... Mais ce serait une trahison!

(62) 18 juillet

(63) Aujourd'hui, il y a un mois que j'ai été opérée. Le mieux se maintient et je ne suis plus hantée par la pensée de la mort. Hier, j'ai rêvé qu'un amiClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 m'avait prise dans ses bras, qu'il m'avait emportée, et j'étais heureuse. J'ai inifiniment souffert, mais bien des choses seront encore exigées de moi. A présent, je sais que je suis comme les autres femmes.

(64) 13 août

(65) Le professeurProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist est parti en vacances. Mon état me jette dans le désespoir. Je ne vois aucun progrès, et il y a des jours où je suis tellement lasse que je voudrais mourir. Mais je n'en pas le droit. Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ne le permettrait pas.

(66) 16 août

(67) Je ne saurais décrire ma dernière opération. Ce fut un abîme de souffrance. Heureusement, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ne se doute de rien. Je suis encore bien faible, mais en septembre je compte rentrer à CopenhagueCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. Il faut que je mette mes papiers en ordre, pour ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923...

(68) 22 août

(69) Je suis lasse, presque toujours lasse. Je n'ai pas quitté mon lit. Je reçois presque chaque jour des fleurs de GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. Si j'avais la force, je lui écrirais et elle viendrait. Mais il ne le faut pas. Je me sens si solitaire, si faible. Mais au moment où je suis au comble de la tristesse, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 m'écrit qu'il m'attend.

(70) Les ombres de la mort descendaient sur Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. Au début de septembre, elle écrivait la dernière lettre, adressée à sa sœurSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954):

(71) Je sens que la mort approche. Cette nuit, j'ai rêvé à notre méreMother (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s mother, Ane Marie Wegener (née Thomsen). Elle m'a prise dans ses bras en m'appelant LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931... PèreFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener était là aussi...

(72) Le 12 septembre, son frèreChristian (fictional), Andreas’s brother-in-law; modeled on Thomas Christian Thomsen (1883-1963), married to Einar’s sister Christiane and father of Einar’s nephew, Sigurd fut appelé par télégramme, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ne parlait plus, mais ses yeux étaient encore pleins de vie. Elle inscrivit quelques mots d'adieu sur une carte qu'elle tendit à sa fidèle infirmière. Puis elle s'endormit, et ne se réveilla plus. La souffrance l'avait vaincue.

(73) Ainsi se termina sa vie — cette vie d'homme et de jeune fille, dont l'épanouissement fut bref — existence pleine d'angoisses, de douleurs, mais aussi d'étranges, d'extraordinaires péripéties, que l'imagination la plus audacieuse n'aurait su inventer.

(74) FIN

(75) Reproduction, même partielle interdite.

(76) (Copyright Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman 1934).

Translation

VICE — — VERSA

A man changes sex

Based on authentic documents by Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman

(01) Just like those close to her and she herself had anticipated, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 would go through one of the most painful crises in DenmarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen.. Initially, there was the pathological fear of being an object of curiosity and scandal in her native country, where her adventure couldn’t remain secret for long. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was seized with a real panic at the idea of "causing sensation," and we must believe that the nervous upheaval triggered by the many post-operative shocks and the cruel suffering that she had endured were one of the main causes of her neurasthenia. In CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 led a more reclusive life than in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, avoiding friends and acquaintances, and did not venture onto the street without a thick veil covering her face.

(02) However, the Danish public didn’t pay, initially, any attention to her presence in this city, and her incognito had not been revealed. On the other hand, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 went through extremely painful hours when she saw again her sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954) who, despite her affection, couldn’t become accustomed to the metamorphosis of her "brother AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter." What surprised her was, perhaps, less the physical change than the psychological transformation that she found inexplicable, shocking! Indeed, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 insisted, with a sort of stubbornness, on proving that her masculine doubleAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was dead, forever dead, and that nothing from his past survived. She refused to evoke the memories of this past and announced that she would be absolutely incapable of painting or sculpting "in the manner" of Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. She adopted an even more stubborn attitude with her brotherChristian (fictional), Andreas’s brother-in-law; modeled on Thomas Christian Thomsen (1883-1963), married to Einar’s sister Christiane and father of Einar’s nephew, Sigurd whom she visited in JutlandJutland (historical), the largest region of Denmark, but who showed great tact and great understanding in regard to her.

(03) However, by a tragic irony, the more LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 tried to prove that she was a woman and nothing but a woman, the more she felt doubtful about this. The assurance she experienced in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany and DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany had suddenly left her. She examined herself at length in the mirror, questioning the glances of her relatives, incessantly asking herself the torturing question: "My face, my body, my looks, are they really those of a woman? Is my aim reached or have I suffered vainly?" Nonetheless, it was at this time that the results of the surgery made themselves felt. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931’s body took a more and more feminine aspect, her breasts developed, her face became more refined. But she didn’t cease doubting. In the meantime, other difficulties arose. How to transform her civil status, to record the official birth of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? Her situation with respect to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had to be settled too. Should AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter be considered dead or disappeared?

(04) V. – DUSK

(05) When LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 settled in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, an art dealer, who was one of the few persons to know her secret, suggested that she organize an exhibition with the paintings of the former AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, in order to gather the indispensable funds for her new existence. To avoid any indiscretions, it was decided to send a note to the newspapers announcing that the exhibition had to cover the costs for the treatment of Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, seriously ill in a clinic in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

(06) Despite these precautions, an atmosphere of intense curiosity reigned in the showroom, on the preview day. A few intimates knew of AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter’s metamorphosis, but the general public knew only the vague rumors, the allusions, the fantastic stories circulating in the city about the young painterAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. No one dared to buy AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter’s paintings.

(07) It was then that a journalist, in whom LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had confided, came to her rescue. For a long time, this personLousie (Loulou) Lassen (1876–1947), a Danish journalist who interviewed the Wegeners and assisted Lili in an early draft of her memoirs, contributor to a great Danish daily, had wanted to tell the extraordinary adventure. But LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had always refused. Now, the journalist explained to her that it was essential to inform the public about the facts. A painter as well-known as AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter certainly couldn’t disappear without a trace; this mystery created all sorts of rumors impossible to hush up. It was better to tell the truth and recount the wonderful experience of Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

(08) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 gave up in the end, though reluctantly, and at the beginning of March 1931, the sensational news, launched first in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, spread throughout the world: a man had been transformed into a woman... In EuropeEurope (historical), a continent in the Northern Hemisphere, in AmericaAmerica (historical), commonly used to refer to the United States of America, the scientific world -@Editor: PLC started to comment, to discuss this strange case. And it was the most sensational scientific fact of all time. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931’s photo appeared in all the newspapers of the world, often accompanied by commentaries more or less fanciful, even ironic.

(09) And, nonetheless, it was a horrifying drama.

(10) And, nonetheless, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, in flesh, dressed in the latest fashion, and accompanied by GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, walked quietly the streets of CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark.

(11) Because, with the exception of those who knew her personally and had heard her story from her own mouth, no one knew that the elegant, young womanLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who they saw daily walking on the streets of CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark was none other than the famous LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, — the man who had changed sex...

(12) Her assumed identity -@Editor: PLC being respected, the fear of being taken for a "curious creature", a phenomenon, gradually disappeared... Her health improved, her nerves grew stronger. She felt no more the need to run, to hide...

(13) Moreover, her civil status had been rectified: by a royal decree she was authorized to bear the name Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and had been registered under this name.

(14) Finally, her conjugal ties fell apart too; one day, she took her leave from GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, who embarked for the South, where her marriage to FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband would be celebrated.

(15) During the several weeks that had preceded this departure, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 learned for the first time what it was like to live in the company of a woman in love—with another, exuding happiness and hope...

(16) Now that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was gone and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 found herself alone, she felt a secret melancholia, almost envy... But no, it was impossible, no one wished more than she did the happiness of her "ex-wife"Grete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator...

(17) Finally, she realized that she was experiencing the feeling of an emptiness, of something in her that remained unfulfilled.

(18) The spring was nearing... the garden surrounding the house where she occupied a modest apartment became covered with tender, green foliage. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931’s body was filled with a new vigor, emanated strength and youthfulness... However, her nostalgia, her confusion, to which she didn’t dare give a name, grew more intense, more imperious.

(19) One day, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 received a letter from Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, announcing his imminent arrival. And indeed, one morning he disembarked in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. During the eight days he spent in DenmarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen., ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not leave each other; they visited the city together, went to theaters and restaurants, took trips to the surrounding areas that the spring covered with an atmosphere at once sweet and intense.

(20) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 recounted to his friendLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 the latest news from ParisParis (historical), capital of France, evoked thousands of common memories. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 listened with a smile, but for the moment, she experienced a strange, mysterious feeling, as if something completely new, imponderable, moved within her.

(21) One evening, while they were dining in a restaurant, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 said suddenly:

(22) — My little LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, I must take you back... It is getting too late, and I risk compromising you.

(23) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 couldn’t stop laughing, because she never heard her cheerful companionClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 utter such words. But when she raised her eyes to him, she saw that his face was serious, concentrated...

(24) Getting into the taxi that brought them there, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 took her friendClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923’s arm and said to him:

(25) — Come on, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, what is it with you? Why this serious face... I confess that I can’t find your former cheerfulness!

(26) The young manClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 took LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931’s hand and exclaimed:

(27) — Yes, yes, you are right... I find you so changed, there is something in you that I didn’t see before your new birth. Yes, you are, without doubt, young and vigorous... and still, you are only a young girl.

(28) LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 listened to him increasingly surprised.

(29) — Alas! ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 continued, in a few days I will be forced to leave you; it is very painful for me to leave you alone, exposed to so many dangers! Ah! maybe you don’t believe it, but all those who knew Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter see you as a phenomenon, and nothing else but a phenomenon.

(30) — But what can I do? LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 sighed.

(31) — Leave this cityCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark!

(32) — That is my intention; GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator waits for me in ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome..

(33) — All you think of is voyages, long voyages, all alone!... And then, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator is doubtlessly very kind to offer you hospitality, but don’t forget that it is two young newlyweds. They have waited so long for happiness! Will they have place for a third person?

(34) ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 went silent for a while, then:

(35) — I am going to leave for TurkeyTurkey (historical), a country in the Middle East whose capital is Ankara., where I am appointed to a consular post...

(36) He fixed his friendLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 with eyes full of generous kindness:

(37) — Do you want to join me, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931?

(38) The question was so unexpected that she couldn’t repress a gesture of surprise. She whispered:

(39) — Are you talking seriously, my friendClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923?

(40) — Can you doubt it, my little LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931?... Do you want to be my wife?

(41) She could only cry:

(42) — Yes! oh! yes, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923!

(43) Then the young manClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 took her both hands and lifted them to his lips. He seemed seized by an intense excitement, but only when he moved his mouth closer to hers did LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 suddenly understand the sense of the words they had just spoken. A feeling at once of happiness and fear overcame her, and suddenly she thought she heard in her ears the voice of Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist...

(44) Terrified, she tore herself away from the embrace. ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 looked at her anxiously:

(45) — What is it, my dearLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? You don’t love me anymore?

(46) — You know very well that I love you, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 sighed, but I cannot consider marriage before consulting Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. I don’t dare begin anything without his permission... Only he has the right to dispose of me!

(47) The train slowed down when crossing the bridge over ElbeElbe River (historical), river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 eagerly gathered her coat and hat. -@Editor: PLC Suddenly, the panorama of DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany emerged, reflecting its towers and houses in the riverElbe River (historical), river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden whose name LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 now had.

(48) She quivered, pressing her moist forehead against the window, clenching her teeth to not cry.

(49) A few minutes later, she got off the train, and a taxi brought her to the Women’s ClinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time. Still moved, but already smiling, she will enter the porch of the house that for her was the quiet port, the hearth of her heart.

(50) Nothing had changed, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 threw herself with joy into the arms of the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female. For a while, she breathed in the smell of ether and formalin floating over the corridors and let herself be flooded by the familiar noises of this vast medical hive.

(51) Then, she waited, and a feeling of infinite peace enveloped her. The door opened, a slim and slender silhouette, dressed in white, hastened towards her. She saw the shaded glance, the dark hair framing a pensive forehead. Like a sleepwalker, she let herself be taken into the examination room of Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Fascinated, she listened to the velvety voice, not knowing anymore for what purpose she had come. It was he who brought her back to reality:

(52) — What did you intend to tell me? Go on, I’m listening.

(53) And LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 answered:

(54) — I came to ask if you consider me strong enough to undertake another surgery. I wish I could be a mother.

(55) Here are a few fragments from LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931’s last letters, written in DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany between June 14 and August 22, 1931.

(56) 14 June

(57) After he had examined me, the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist decided to operate on me. The operation will probably take place on Tuesday, but you must promise me to say nothing of it to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. We shouldn’t trouble her happiness... I deeply admire the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist: not satisfied with the results already acquired, he is ready to risk a new surgery, so that I can marry, and who knows? maybe have children. If the worst happened (though I don’t think so), I would die happy at the thought that I have stayed, until my last breath, close to the one to whom I owe my life.

(58) 15 June

(59) You must understand my desire to be a mother because I want to prove that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has completely disappeared from me, and that he died for good. It is only through a child that I will convince myself that, from the beginning of my existence, I was in fact a woman... Those who can understand only the things related to the domain of "common sense" and the "normal" have often asked me if I have held any memory, however vague, of the amorous feelings, of the erotic sensibility of the male. A question that hurts me in the most sensitive point of my being! Because nature, helped by the consummate art of KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, has worked the miracle of my metamorphosis, I would feel humiliated in my female pride if the sensations inherent to the other sex could still cross my mind! I fight against the ignorant who want to see in me only a phenomenon, an abnormal being. I am a woman, a woman like any other. Those who insist in considering me an "attraction" inflict such a grief on me, that I am often haunted by the idea of suicide. And, nonetheless, the will to live is stronger, I owe it to the scientistProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist who has made of me a normal woman.

(60) 16 June

(61) I will probably be operated on tomorrow. I am not afraid of pain. I wish I could remain here forever. But at times a vague anxiety grasps me. Why worry? I know everything will go smoothly. To die?... But this would be a betrayal!

(62) 18 July

(63) Today it’s been a month since I have been operated on. The best persists and I am no more haunted by the thought of death. Yesterday, I dreamed that a friendClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 had taken me in his arms, that he had taken me away, and I was happy. I have suffered infinitely, but a lot of things are still required of me. Now, I know that I am like other women.

(64) 13 August

(65) The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist went on vacation. My state throws me into despair. I don’t see any progress, and there are days when I am so exhausted, that I wish to die. But I don’t have this right. Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist wouldn’t allow it.

(66) 16 August

(67) I couldn’t describe my last surgery. It has been an abyss of suffering. Fortunately, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator doesn’t suspect anything. I am still very weak, but in September I intend to return to CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark. I must put my papers in order, for ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923...

(68) 22 August

(69) I am exhausted, almost always exhausted. I haven’t left the bed. Almost every day, I receive flowers from GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. If I had the strength, I would write to her and she would come. But I shouldn’t. I feel so lonely, so feeble. But at the moment when my sadness is at its height, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 writes to me that he awaits me.

(70) The shadows of death descended upon Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. At the beginning of September, she wrote the last letter, addressed to her sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954):

(71) I feel that the death is nearing. This night, I dreamt of our motherMother (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s mother, Ane Marie Wegener (née Thomsen). She took me in her arms and called me LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931... FatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener was there too...

(72) On September 12, her brotherChristian (fictional), Andreas’s brother-in-law; modeled on Thomas Christian Thomsen (1883-1963), married to Einar’s sister Christiane and father of Einar’s nephew, Sigurd was sent for by telegram, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 spoke no more, but her eyes were still full of life. She wrote down a few farewell words on a card that she handed to her faithful nurse. Then she fell asleep and woke no more. The suffering defeated her.

(73) Thus ended her life—this life of man and young girl, whose blooming was brief—an existence full of anxieties, pains, but also by a strange, extraordinary peripetia -@Translator: CB, that the most audacious imagination couldn’t invent.

(74) END

(75) Reproduction, even partial, forbidden.

(76) (Copyright Niels HoyerNiels Hoyer (historical), pseudonym of Ernst Harthern, who composed and edited Man into Woman 1934).