Translation of Fra Mand til Kvinde: Lili Elbes Bekendelser (Danish Edition)

[Title Page Facsimile Image]
[Copyright Facsimile Image]


                  EINAR WEGENER (ANDREAS SPARRE)
EINAR WEGENER (ANDREAS SPARRE)Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter; married to Gerda Wegener; died as Lili Elbe in Dresden, 1931



                  LILI ELBE
LILI ELBELili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931


Fragment of a letter, written by Einar
                        Wegener on 29 January 1930. The handwriting, as you will see, is firm and clear, a distinct man's writing.
Fragment of a letter, written by Einar WegenerEinar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter; married to Gerda Wegener; died as Lili Elbe in Dresden, 1931 on 29 January 1930. The handwriting, as you will see, is firm and clear, a distinct man's writing.


Fragment of a letter, written by Lili
                        Elbe on 14 June 1931. The handwriting has changed and is now a flowing, rather feeble woman’s writing.
Fragment of a letter, written by Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 on 14 June 1931. The handwriting has changed and is now a flowing, rather feeble woman’s writing.

[Foreword Facsimile Image]
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In accordance with Lili Elbe's last will I have collected the papers she left behind in this book.

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It is a truthful, human document about a harrowing human tragedy that is beyond the scope of all customary ideas.

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The doctorKurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist who performed all but the first of four surgeries on Lili Elvenes; director of the Women’s Clinic in Dresden (Staatliche Frauenklinik) from 1925 to 1948 whose daring operations made it possible for the critically ill and desperate Einar WegenerAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter to carry on his life in complete harmony with his true nature has read through the book in my German version -@Translator: MO.

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As requested by Lili ElbeLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 fictitious names have been used for the persons she mentions.

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Only her own name, which she chose in gratitude to the city where she changed from man into womanDresden (historical), city in Germany -@Translator: MO and where she died, she has wished to leave unchanged.

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Copenhagen, November 1931.

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Niels Hoyer

Page 7

I.

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ParisParis (historical), capital of France. Quartier LatinQuartier Saint Germain (historical), also known as the Latin Quarter (see D1), section of Paris. An evening in February 1930. In a quiet street with grand mansions – a small restaurant.

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The host, FrançoisFavio (fictional), no known historical model, is a Sicilian and serves the glowing wines of his home country. A small circle of foreigners most of whom are artists are his regular customers.

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Among them are AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter and Grete SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, a Danish painter couple, and their Italian friend Ernesto RossiniErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini with his elegant French wife Mrs. ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques.

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They celebrate a reunion tonight. For a whole year they have not seen each other, they have been travelling, one couple in Northern EuropeEurope (historical), a continent in the Northern Hemisphere, the other in the South. All four are pleased to meet again in ParisParis (historical), capital of France.

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"Skaal," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter says according to the Nordic custom and raises his glass, "this wine, children, is to the soul what mountain sun is to the body ...... Do you know the beautiful legend of the Cathedral in SevilleCathedral of Seville (historical), most likely, Catedral de Santa María de la Sede, known as Seville Cathedral -@Editor: PLC GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I have been there together ...... It's said that a ray of sun is built into in the base of the highest of the pillars."

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"Magnificent," ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini shouts enthusiastically.

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"Heavenly," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques declares and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator smiles quietly to herself.

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But the festive mood does not last long. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter is pale and nervous, and he speaks loudly and forced.

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"Aren't you drinking too much?" ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques asks him in a low voice ...... "What's the matter with you? It's no use that you pretend that you're well. You can't fool me ...... You're not well at all."

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ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator have caught ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques's words and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini takes his friend's hand.

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"Is it LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who still torments you?" he asks full of concern and looks from AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator.

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"Your guess is right ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answers very grave, "this condition is becoming unendurable. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 no longer tolerates sharing her life with me, she wants to live her own life ...
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I don't know if you understand me? I'm no good anymore, I'm finished ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 has discovered that long ago ...... and that's why she rebels more strongly every day ...... and what am I to do? ...... why must I live? For others, people say ...... but only fools think that they're indispensable and irreplaceable ...... But let's not talk about it ...... let's rather drink a bottle of the fiery Asti that ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques is so fond of."

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"Yes, that's a good idea," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques declares and looks after AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter who gets up wearily and walks to the counter where FrançoisFavio (fictional), no known historical model lords over his bottles and watches over his guests with his gentle mandolin eyes.

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"Please hurry up and tell me how he is," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques says as she leans towards her friend.

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"Terrible," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator answers, "I've given up any hope of salvation for him ...... That would require a miracle."

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"Strange that you should use just that word," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques quickly interrupts her ...... "You know, it is strange that we should meet just tonight after such a long time? ...... ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini and I should have been somewhere else, but I had a feeling that we had to be together ...... I told you so, ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini, didn't I?"

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ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini nods in assent.

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"Listen to me ...... sit closer to me," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques continues in a whisper ...... "one of our very good friendsProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist is here in ParisParis (historical), capital of France just now, he's a German, from DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany, and he's a women's doctor ...... I had no idea that he was here, but just after I'd been on the telephone with you he called me and at that very moment it occurred to me that if anyone can help AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter it's him ...... But it's urgent for the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will return to GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin. already tomorrow afternoon. We have to arrange a meeting between him and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter tonight.

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With a tired gesture GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator dismisses the optimism shining out of her friend's eyes:

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"Dearest ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, it's no use ...... AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter won't see any more doctors, he has had enough of them ...... Just think how many he has seen already!"

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"Just let ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques do what she thinks is right," ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini interrupts serious and earnest.

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"Yes GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, don't contradict me," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques eagerly says, "whether he will or not ...... he must obey us ...... This very evening I'll call the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist and tell him about AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. I feel, no, I know that he can help him, do you hear, my dearest!"

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator slowly lights herself a cigarette. She always does it in a very complicated way, almost as if it were a religious ceremony. She is not aware of it herself. Her big grey eyes which quite dominate her delicate, fair face have taken on their peculiar introverted gaze. She blows the blue smoke up into the air and stares into it. Then she takes a new puff on the cigarette, blows out the smoke once more, and stares again. Then she slowly and decidedly says:

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"That's fine, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, go ahead and speak to the German professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. I've heard about so many mysterious things in this world and it's possible that there may be something in it. I think I have been infected by you, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques ...... Ordinarily I'm not superstitious ...... but I promise you that I'll persuade AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... He'll be at your place tomorrow morning."

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Apparently AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had finished his negotiations with the host and they hastened to talk of something trivial. He came over to them with two bottles which he carried like a prey in front of him.

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"Here, friends, taste a wine that will remind you of the Cathedral in SevilleCathedral of Seville (historical), most likely, Catedral de Santa María de la Sede, known as Seville Cathedral – it is rays of sun on bottle!"

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"Si, si, Signor," Maestro FrançoisFavio (fictional), no known historical model seconds from his counter.

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When GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter some hours later, after they had placed ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini in a car, walked slowly down the avenue where they had their studio apartment, she cautiously but earnestly began to tell AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter about the appointment with ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques.

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He became quite beside himself. In the middle of the street he stopped and stamped both his feet in a puddle like an ill-mannered boy without considering that it spattered up on GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's silk stockings. He called all the stars of the night sky to witness that he wanted to see the German professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist hanged! And ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques too for that matter! ...... He did not intend to make a fool of himself by letting himself be examined by a new quack, whether he was from FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris., from GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin. or from HindustanHindustan (historical), a Persian name for India! ...... He had had enough of these bloodsuckers, of these charlatans ......

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator let him rage ...... she knew his fits from experience.

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... But when, after a moment's pause to breathe he wanted to start again, she grabbed him by the arm:

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"Now, that's enough! ...... Are you a man? You are behaving like a hysterical teen-age girl. You should be ashamed of yourself, you understand!"

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter who was shaking with agitation looked down at GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator with his dark eyes and forced himself to joke:

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"All right, I won't say any more, but I promise you that ten wild dray horses would not drag me out of my lovely, wide Louis-Philippe bed to see a professor who is a total stranger to me. ...... I will no longer let myself be made a fool of!"

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has long since fallen asleep.

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But GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator is still awake, she sits with her legs curled up under her in the big bed staring intently at the sleeper ..... She knows how serious things are with him, but now in the oppressive stillness of the night she becomes afraid. She thinks and thinks ...... Is it right for herself and her friend to persuade the poor shaken person who is now sleeping as quietly and safely as a child? Her conscience will not leave her in peace. ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques said that the German doctorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist was a famous expert in his field ...... But if he cannot do anything anyway then it will be the death sentence over AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... then she knows what will happen ...... And yet ...... perhaps it is the miracle, the miracle that her life companion, her friend through the good and the bad days, has more and more ardently hoped for.

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She thought of what a Russian lady, one of the many Russian refugees in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, a seer, had recently foretold them. It was just after one of the last desperate visits to a Parisian specialist and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was completely devastated. "Your husband must go to yet another doctor, one he does not know, then everything that he wants will come true," she had said and looked at AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter with her dark, prophetic eyes.

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Should this prediction be right? And could her own instinct fail her here where so much was at stake? She had a feeling that all her courage, now that it was about her
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sick friend, had left her. ...... She was afraid to make a mistake, afraid to take the great responsibility upon herself ...... afraid ...... afraid ...

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had already been ill for many years and they had sought countless doctors and specialists but without result. Now he was tired and life had become an agony for him.

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No one had understood what was the matter with him. A specialist in Versailles had accused him offhand of being hysterical and advised him to pull himself together and behave like the normal man he otherwise was. A closer examination he considered to be completely superfluous, there was nothing wrong with the patient, he just suffered from the fixed idea that he would be perfectly healthy if ...... And that's enough! ..... A younger doctor, also in VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris, had admitted, however, that not everything was as it should be and had then comforted him with the following words: "Never you mind what happens to your body ...... otherwise you are entirely healthy and have enough strength to ride it out." Only a Viennese doctor, a friend of SteinachEugen Steinach (1861–1944), an Austrian physician who pioneered gonadal transplants and early theorized the existence of hormones -@Editor: PLC, had been on the right track in his diagnosis. "Only a bold surgeon who is not afraid of anything can help you," he had said, "but where is he to be found?" ...... A radiologist had subjected him to a very energetic X-ray treatment that had almost killed him. Then AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had plucked up his courage and contacted three different surgeons in succession, but they had all three refused to have anything to do with him. The first one had declared that he did not concern himself with cosmetic surgery, the second just examined his appendix to see if anything was wrong, and the third thought that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was completely mad. Most people would probably agree with him on this because AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter claimed that in fact he was not a man at all – but a woman.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had realised that only a doctor with imagination, a doctor who was not only a scientist, but at the same time also an artist, would perhaps be able to help him. But he had long since given up the hope of finding such a doctor ...... And he had become tired, tired unto death ...... He had decided to end his life himself and he had set the date. It was to be the first of May ...... when you are ill and tired, you do not have
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the courage and strength to meet spring ...... Now it was February – already February ...... March and April were the last respite, but he was calm and prepared, he had made up his mind, he was resigned.

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The only thing that pained him was the thought of his lovely little wife, the faithful friend of his life.

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Grete SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was a very talented artist. Her pictures of beautiful, languishing women with dreamy eyes and burning red lips that called for kisses and caresses interested him much more than his own paintings. Her art seemed exciting and stimulating like a smell from ParisParis (historical), capital of France' jungle ...... it was an expression of the time and still full of passionate submission ...... pure in its line as a legacy from BotticelliSandro Botticelli (1445-1510), an Italian Renaissance painter -@Editor: PLC and the other primitive Italians, but often with a tone of painful longing, reminiscent of WatteauJean-Antoine Watteau ((1684-1721), a French painter -@Editor: PLC ...... It was as if suddenly, in the middle of a Parisian salon, you heard the distant echo from PanPan (fictional), in Greek mythology, the god of nature's flute.

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Perhaps just because their marriage had been a companionship right from the beginning they found life easy and comfortable to live only when they were together. They were inseparable. They had met each other at the academy of artsArt Academy (fictional), modeled on The Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts (Det Kongelige Danske Kunstakademi) in Copenhagen, where Einar and Gerda Wegener studied and met in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark and they were barely grown up when they had married. Bravely they had taken up life together. A few days after -@Editor: PLC the wedding AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had sold his first picture at his first exhibition for fifty kroner.

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As artists they had helped each other, always and under all circumstances ...... Shoulder to shoulder they had fought for their art and one of them would not dream of abandoning the other ...... Most of the time they had lived abroad, especially in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, and this life out among strangers may have connected them even more closely ...... at least they had been spared living in the atmosphere of superficiality, irresponsibility, and divorces that is spreading over CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark.

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But for this very reason there were often moments when AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt like a traitor to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator when he still more willingly listened to the tempting music of death ...... But now he had realised that he was no longer able to work ...... and this realisation comforted him. He thought he had the right to give in to his longing towards death before it had come so far that he weighed on GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... the thought of this had for months taken all
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joy from him ...... no, he was not cowardly ...... nor did he feel as a martyr ...... but to become a burden to his little friend, no, this he would not!

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator guessed his thoughts and although she did everything to reassure him and give him new hope, she felt that it was in vain ...... She knew him inside out ...... there was so much that tied them together, so many fights, so many memories, both bright and dark ...... and perhaps most of all LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? ...... Yes ...... For AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter consisted of two beings: of a man, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, and of a woman, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... you could also describe them as a couple of twins who both at the same time had taken possession of the same body. In character they were very different, but gradually LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 prevailed over AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter so that you could always trace her in him, even when she had withdrawn into the background – but never the other way around. While he felt tired and went around with his thoughts of death, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was perky and cheerful and longed to come out of her shell, like a larva that dreams of once having wings and becoming a colourful butterfly.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had become GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's favourite model. Her slim elf figure walked through all of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's best works ...... She had already become a type, a modern type of woman, created by the imagination of an artist ...... as everything new on this earth.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator felt like the protector of this carefree and helpless LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. And AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt the same ...... While LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 hated him because he was in her way, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter loved her more than himself. It was his hope that he would die so that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 could wake up to a new life before life had had time to disfigure their shared body.

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When the fatigue after the sleepless, painful nights overwhelmed him he had only the one thought left: to fall asleep for ever!

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II.

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When GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator woke up some hours later after a broken sleep her fear had disappeared and her decision remained firm. In her dreams she had seen a tall figure of a man in a white doctor's coat and with a strange, rather stern face – whom she did not know – softened by a smile expressing infinite goodness. The man held out both his hands towards her and she grasped them with deep gratitude.

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She woke AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, spoke to him kindly and explained to him that he, if for no other reason than out of politeness, had to go to ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques. There he could always think of some excuse if he still disliked the idea of going along to the German professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist so much ...... She said it quite calmly and in a tone as if she did not attach much importance to it in order that he should not raise objections.

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An hour later AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was on his way to PassyPassy (historical), an upscale neighborhood in Paris, home of many avant-garde artists in the 1920s where ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini lived. He found them still in their huge four-poster and he sat on the edge of the bed next to ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques. A tempting tea table was wheeled in and with a smile refreshed from the night's sleep ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques displayed all her charm. Before AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter knew it he had given in.

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"As far as I am concerned you do not have to go there, darling," she chatted away apparently indifferent, "but now that you are here, I suppose you will give me the pleasure of escorting me to the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... He's awfully anxious to see me ...... Isn't it so, ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini?"

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ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini nodded.

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"He's a big celebrity you must know, KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, is his name and he expects me punctually at twelve o'clock ...... You have to be present, please, because ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini does not dare to leave me alone with him – he's much too enchanting ...... Isn't that true, ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini mio?"

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ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini nodded again and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter bent over his friend's
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hand and kissed it citing his motto : Ce que femme veut, Dieu le veut! -@Editor: PLC ......

* * *

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On the stroke of twelve ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques's vehicle stopped outside a noble palace from the eighteenth century. She rang the bell and while they waited, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter took her hand:

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"ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, there's something I want to ask you. He's famous, isn't he? ...... But what if he ...... I don't really know how to express this ......"

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ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques looked gravely at her friend who was quite pale with emotion:

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"What is it? ...... Just say it, what are you afraid of?"

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His eyes glistened with moisture, and he finished he sentence:

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"I'm afraid that he will regard me as a sad renegade because ...... I would rather be a woman than a man."

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"No AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, you needn't be afraid of that, I assure you."

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And ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques put her soft woman's hands around his head, raised herself on the tips of her chapin shoes and quickly gave him a heart-felt kiss on the mouth. Steps were heard inside, and she hastily withdrew. A servant opened the door and before they had been announced, a tall slim gentleman came towards them. He was in a dark close-fitting suit that gave his tight elegance an almost military quality. His hair was brushed back and lay like a dark, shiny mass, while the small short-trimmed moustache had a light blond tone.

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter later tried to recall the features of the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's face from his memory, he always only remembered the eyes, a pair of grey-blue deep-set eyes that were both light and dark at the same time and whose look had a strange captivating power.

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It was Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt his heart beating and while the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist with a somewhat ceremonial cordiality led them into a large salon and exchanged a few words with ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, he realised for the first time that German is a beautiful and musical language ...... Really a strange voice this German voice, he thought to himself, it sounds
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so curiously muffled and yet as if accustomed to command – and to meet with unconditional obedience.

.................

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As in a dream he heard ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques tell the tale of his own sufferings to the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... He could not think and he sensed nothing but this voice. It was as if he had come completely in its power, it was both light and dark, just like the eyes ...... this look and the voice penetrated deep into his soul.

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What would this voice say to him and what message did the eyes have for him? ...... A death sentence ...... Did he expect anything else? ...... Did he expect anything at all? ...... Had he even come here with a specific goal? No, he wouldn't ask, just wait – and listen.

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Suddenly he was brought back to reality, the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist was standing in front of him, but he barely looked at him and only said a few words. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter followed him into the next room, apparently the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's study, where he asked his patient to undress. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter obeyed like a sleepwalker, he no longer had any will ...... he wanted to say something and searched for the German words.

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"I need no explanations," the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist interrupted him, "you feel the pain here, don't you ...... and there ...... and there, too ...... isn't that right?"

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He let his hand slide over AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' body, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was content to smile, shy and timid ...... he felt an almost frightened surprise. How could this stranger know where he felt his pain? And his surprise rose to amazement when the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist took a pile of photographs of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 that ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques had brought him and placed them before him on the table in the order in which they were taken.

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"There we have the development," he said quite naturally ...... "I hear that a radiologist has given you an X-ray treatment ...... and that without having made any chemical or microscopic examination. ...... It is impossible to say whether he has damaged your sexual glands, that is the possibly present female glands ...... it will only become apparent through a closer examination."

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"Female!" AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter uttered the word as a scream – "so ...... I have ......?"

Page 17
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He did not get any further ...... he could hardly breathe from excitement ...... everything revolved around him in a whirl.

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"Yes, most likely," the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist continued dryly and matter of factly, "the fact is that I assume that you have female as well as male organs, but that none of them have had the opportunity to develop fully ...... it is fortunate for you that you feel like a woman to such a pronounced degree ...... therefore I believe that I can help you."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter clutched at his heart. He had leaned forward to be as close as possible to the words the stranger said to him, and he stared fixedly into his eyes to find further confirmation of the words.

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"And what should I do?" he stammered.

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The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist got up and walked a few times up and down the floor:

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"You must come to me in GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin., and I hope that I can give you a new life and a new youth."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter straightened up and struggled to get the words out:

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"That means that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ..... she will be allowed to live?"

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"Yes," Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist answered, "I will do the operation myself, and I will give you a pair of fresh female sexual glands, and in a short time you will have a new vitality that can bring you out of the standstill that occurred in your development at the age of puberty. But first you have to subject yourself to various examinations in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany. Then you can come to me in DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter still sat quite entranced as ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, whom the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had fetched, came up to him and maternally patted him on the cheek.

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"That will be quite something for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 to go into the famous Frauenklinik," she jokingly said to hide her emotion.

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The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist looked at AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter with a youthful and slightly embarrassed smile:

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"May I be permitted to make an indiscreet question? ......You are married, aren't you? ...... Yes, I only care to know, what is of importance to me as a doctor ......"

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"I think I had better go," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques discretely added, but AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter seized her hand.

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"No, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, don't go ...... I have no secrets from you ......"

Page 18
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The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist came to the aid of both of them:

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"I can put my question in another way. What is the position as regards for instance ...... yes, I have heard the name LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 several times ...... that is with LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and the other sex ...... I mean, are men interested in her? -@Editor: PLC"

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"Yes, I should think so ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist," ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques answered him laughing, "it is simply incredible what attraction this little naughty person has for our male friends ...... I have been at several carnivals where LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was playing her game and where she at last was like a hunted animal. Isn't it true, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter?"

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter silently stared in front of him, he could neither speak nor smile.

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The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had become objective again:

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"What you are telling me, madam, quite corresponds to the picture I have formed myself ...... and I think that she – we may as well at once for the sake of convenience say she – will become even more attractive after the operation ...... By the way, I must draw attention to the fact that this operation, which will be the first of its kind, will give rise to numerous difficulties, not least with respect to legal matters ...... but I promise you that I'll not abandon LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 when she will take her first steps in life."

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ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques saw that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was about to faint and she rushed over to him and threw her arms around him. Sobbing he put his head on her shoulder.

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"Oh, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques," he stammered through tears, "dear sweet friend ...... now life comes back to me, the life that I no longer wanted anything to do with. It is you, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, who has saved me ...... without you I would not be here."

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Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist stood by the window and looked down at the street. His pure, regular profile showed in a sharp angle against the halftones between the sunlight and the shadows from the room. It was an image that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter never, as long as he was AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, forgot.

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Then the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist turned from the window towards him and reached out both his hands to him ...... Without a word AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter grabbed these strong, steady hands firmly enclosing his. The two men -@Translator: MO who only a few minutes ago had become acquainted looked at each other. Then the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist quietly said:

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"I understand you, you must have gone through a lot!"

Page 19

III.

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Meanwhile GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog waited in the studio. HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog was the third member of the little household, a white and pink female dog who was a native of ParisParis (historical), capital of France and most of all looked like a liver pâté with truffles; just like the genuine Strassburger pâté this too was surrounded by a dear layer of fat. However, she became as slender as a doe in GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's paintings and resembled the ethereal imaginary creatures one finds on old Gothic wallpapers and valuable tapestries.

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HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog had long since completed the Sparre family's education. Both GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter knew all her habits and had learned to respect them. In return she took part in the family's joys and sorrows – and meals in particular. She must have been musical because she always stretched contentedly when she heard music – only WagnerRichard Wagner (1813-1883), a German composer -@Editor: PLC was something of a strain on her nerves. When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter put the Parsifal record on the gramophone she began to play noisily with a bone in the vain hope of drowning out the music ...... HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog had delicate nails the colour of mother of pearl – in connection with HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog one could not use the term claws – that she used to sharpen on the silk covers of the Rococo furniture, which for that reason often looked a little worn. Most of her time she spent on the divan where despite her smallness she had gradually created a little hollow – like a nest.

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter finally appeared HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog rushed toward him and jumped delightedly and barked at him. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was deadly pale, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator guided him to the divan and sat next to him. She did not ask but forced herself – and HvappeHvappe (fictional and historical), nicknamed Vâpe, the Wegeners’ (Sparres’) dog – to wait and see.

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter finally started to speak she listened to him with her eyes closed. What was dream and what was reality? Excited she listened to the words with which he tried to describe his meeting with the German doctor ...... - Was it possible that this was the release, the sal-
[Page 20]
vation for her friend? GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator asked in her heart. Where did things lead for him, for her, for both of them? A thousand questions and concerns stormed at her while AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter recounted, filled by his great adventure.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had an alert and clear mind that always knew how to grasp the essence of things, and as she now slowly opened her eyes and looked down at AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter she realised that it was fate that had intervened and that she would face a parting from a friend who was dear to her ...... he would disappear and who knew what would happen then? Would a new creature come into being ...... a new person?

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter saw her emotion, he sat up, took her hand, and gently stroked it:

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, sweet little GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, you mustn't be sad ...... come ......"

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He led her to an easel in the middle of the studio in front of the wide north window. On the easel stood a large painting with three female figures that were like sisters. In front of one lay a fine, slim dog, and the woman had GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's features. The other woman had ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques's face and between the two – as though protected by the two sisters – was a third woman who resembled AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... that is, no, it was not him ......

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For a long time they stood in front of the picture, then AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter pointed at the woman in the middle and, moved, sincerely said:

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"Thank you, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, thank you, for having believed in LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 to the very end ...... You know that I could never doubt myself ...... You know how I have lived my life, how I listened to the wind, the trees, and the clouds, how I walked about in nature and painted as well as I could, right until ...... yes, why shouldn't I say it now? ...... right until I could not paint anymore ...... You know that I was always honest with what I heard ......I knew how it grew and flourished out there ...... every blade of grass, every bush told me about its soul ...... every house and every street, where I took out my sketch book, showed me its heart ...... how could I disappoint myself when I listened to my own heart and heard that inside me something began to grow, something different ...... something new? ......"

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator smiled distantly but her smile did not apply to the picture, it
[Page 21]
concerned the face she had seen in dreams at night, the white figure ......

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"I'm so happy," she whispered.

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"I'm so happy," he whispered.

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Then they were both silent.

* * *

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In the evening AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter broke down. He had thrown himself on the divan and cried for a whole hour with his face hidden in the cushions. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator tried in vain to bring him to his senses, his strength failed him.

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Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's last words: "You have gone through a lot," were still in his ear, and only now he understood how true it was, now, when he could be quite honest with himself ...... Not even in the following days was he able to pull himself together, though GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator did everything to help him:

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"You must be happy, you hear, now everything will be well!"

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Now and then he took new courage, however ...... "The stranger promised me a new youth ...... no, no, not me ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 will live, he said ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... that is the new youth he will give to me!"

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Days when he sank into the deepest despair alternated with days when he was in high spirits and full of hope. The waiting time seemed endless to him. Time crept forward, and sleepless nights separated the days that were like bleak deserts ...... One such night when AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was dozing he had the following dream:

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-@Editor: PLCHe sat in the train to BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany ...... it darted through northern FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris. ...... The speed was so high that the swaying of the train had almost ceased – it was as if it was sucked into the distance without resistance. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was sitting by the window staring out over the woods and fields, when he suddenly caught sight of a supernatural great coal-black rider in the fog racing in competition with the rushing train - He rode so fast that his cloak was parallel to the wind, taut as a sail ...... The train no longer stopped at the stations, it just raged on .....but each time it rushed past a station AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter still caught a glimpse of the sinister black rider in the whirring light from the lamps of the platform ...... the darkness gradually changed character, as if the train was rushing through areas that had never known
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the light of the sun ......And suddenly all the passengers pushed through the aisles towards the locomotive to help the stoker; they shovelled coal into the glowing machine to increase the speed, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter understood that the rider beside the train was Death ...... Every now and then, the rider stretched out his hand, grabbed one of the passengers, and cracked him with a gruesome laughter between his nails ...... During its frantic speed the train lost one carriage after another – eventually only the tender was left behind the locomotive ...... They had reached the end of the world, and the train crashed into endless depths ...... But AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has jumped out and finds himself on a narrow road, sharp as the edge of a knife and bathed in light. And suddenly LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 stands by his side. He takes her hand and they run along the knife-edge road pursued by Death, now no longer on horseback ...... But LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's strength fades and Death comes ever closer ...... Then AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter cries: "Run, little sister, run ...... I'll fight against death for you" ...... The struggle does not last long, Death is the strongest, it grabs AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, lifts him up, sucking the life out of him, and hurls him into the abyss where his body whirls around and around like a dry leaf ...... But LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 runs and runs until she reaches the end of the narrow road. Then she jumps out – and falls into the arms of a figure dressed in white. Death stretches his hands out to her, but the white figure grows and becomes big and mighty, spreads its white wings and fills the whole room ...... Foot by foot it forces back Death ...... And now LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 is on an island with shining silver birches ......trembling she has fallen to her knees, and a small, pale red, gothic angel supports her while she hears the roar from the mighty wings as Death is overcome by the struggling Genius and disappears into the deep ......"

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter – and not only AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter – never forgot this dream that he did not tell anyone.

– – – –

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One evening AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter said to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator:

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"I come to think of my old headmaster who told us about the negro slaves at St. CroixSt. Croix (historical), an island in the Caribbean once part of the Danish West Indies , that they rebelled just the day before their release from slavery ... Now I understand ...... I can no longer bear to wait ......"

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The day after he went to ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques who received him in her dressing room.

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"Tell me," he said, "is it really true that I have met Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, and that he promised to help me?"

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ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques, who was going out, quite calmly and unceremoniously began to change. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter blushed and was embarrassed but ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques smiled at him mischievously:

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"This is the best answer I can give you ...... it shows that I no longer regard you as a male but as a female friend, and that our visit to the German professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist has not been a dream."

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A few days later a telegram from GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin. arrived in the morning. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was to be in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany the following Saturday at the latest and take rooms at a hotel specified in the telegram.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques accompanied AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter to the train. Since the arrival of the telegram he had hardly spoken ...... Nor did he show his overwhelming emotion at the station. Only a couple of playful remarks passed his lips ...... he just felt an intense longing to get away and be alone ...... escape from the past and the present ...... and not think before the goal was reached ...... what goal? ...... He dared not ask ...... All this whirled round in his brain ...... but no one should notice, no one ...... And when the train started to move, he happily waved goodbye to his two dear friends ...... But his face was rigid like a mask.

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IV.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had a window seat. By habit he had lit a Caporal and mechanically he smoked one cigarette after another and followed the blue-green spirals of smoke. He was a prey to the brain fatigue that often follows forced preparations for a journey at the moment when the train sets in motion and you are suddenly alone and doomed to inactivity ...... for many hours ahead ...... a whole eternity.

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The first feeling that resurfaced in his mind was fear ...... All at once he had become aware that he had exposed himself ...... but a few moments later the fear transformed into melancholy ...... it was as if something thawed and melted inside him, something that had paralysed his mind and in the last days in ParisParis (historical), capital of France had made him quite another being. It was at the moment when ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques brought the telegram from BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany that he had felt himself stiffen as if an iron curtain had descended on his torn soul.

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And suddenly he saw the two dear faces before him ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques ...... his little companion for many, many years ...... through defeats and victories, and like the other, his friend ...... he could not keep them apart, the two faces slid together, they meant the same: Home ...... his home ...... in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... And now he had left his home ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques ...... ParisParis (historical), capital of France!

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He had not even leaned out the window to see the Eiffel TowerEiffel Tower (historical), the most famous Parisian landmark, constructed in 1887 once more ...... Sacré-CoeurSacré-Coeur (historical), a Roman Catholic church in Paris, the highly situated church resembling a mirage with its white domes ...... ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... Everything that he cared about had been wiped out, disappeared behind the hazy horizon ...... gone ...... forever.

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Forever? ...... Yes, forever – because he, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, would never return to ParisParis (historical), capital of France, that he knew. But perhaps another being? ...... He was not able to
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finish the thought ...... a wild grief trembled through him, and he forced himself to think only of ParisParis (historical), capital of France, its blue-grey, always smiling sky, and of the spirited, ironic and yet indulgent expression with which it meets everybody as a good and understanding sister ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques ...... ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... this triad followed him, the fugitive ...... And all at once it was hammered home by the rhythm of the train: Fugitive ...... Fugitive ...... No ...... No ...... he is no fugitive, he is, yes, what is he?

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"Le déjeuner, premier service!" was shouted in the corridor, and he discovered that all his fellow passengers had left the compartment ...... And suddenly he was afraid to be alone. He followed the others and got into the dining car but he did not touch the food, and on his way back he had to stand still and hold on to one of the windows in the side corridor ...... He had been attacked by his old pains, and the jolt it gave every time the wheels ran over a rail joint caused him pain. Finally he reached his seat in the corner by the window.

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He stared out at some strangely planted fields ...... no, they were not plants, they were crosses – soldiers' graves it was ...... the field of the dead ...... cross by cross – going on forever ...... they reminded him of his dream about the black rider racing the train. -@Editor: PLC

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...... Reality is yet far more dreadful than the dream, he thought ...... the rider of death he could escape but not the pains ...... and not himself ...... how would he escape from himself? ...... And he must again think of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... Why had he refused to allow her to follow him? She had begged for it, but he had forced her to stay in ParisParis (historical), capital of France and wait ...... wait for ...... No, he would not give in, he lit another cigarette and forced himself to turn off his thoughts.

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Now they had reached the border and the other passengers in the compartment had gotten off. The train moved at a snail's pace through BelgiumBelgium (historical), a country in western Europe whose capital is Brussels. and stopped at a lot of small stations so that people who had an abundance of time could get on or off ...... At the German customs border a new locomotive came on and the speed was increased. Evening fell and the train roared into the darkness.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had sat for long time in the dining car drinking and drinking
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to numb himself ...... and the dreadful pains that the bumps and rolling of the train caused him ...... Now he has returned to his corner. He sets his teeth and closes his eyes. He has broken all bridges, everything behind him is irrevocably over. And now he is in GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin., which he had so far only seen passing through, and where he must now find his destiny, a new life ...... or ...... -@Editor: PLC

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He thinks of the letter he sent to Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist on the day he got the telegram: "I pledge myself to you for life or death ...... if only LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 is allowed to live!" ...... Yes, that is what he had written and he stood by it ...... all that remained of male pride in him straightened up: I'm getting closer to the goal, I must endure! -@Editor: PLC

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He inadvertently smiled, not for nothing did he belong to a nation where things are not taken tragically but met with a smile ...... Yes, he said to himself, one may just as well write one's obituary at once.

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And in his thoughts he formed his artistic legacy:

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"The painter Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter is dead. He died on the train between ParisParis (historical), capital of France and BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany. The cause of death was probably heart failure. -@Editor: PLC

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A happy and harmonious artist's life has thus come to a premature close. He was a man in the prime of life and with a promising future. He seemed just now after a long search and various experiments to have found his own style. His last paintings are characterised by both artistic confidence and human insight ...... His pictures, whose motifs for the most part were found in FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris. and ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome., are sometimes bright and colourful and sometimes dark and melancholy – but always full of atmosphere and feeling for nature. He continuously returned to the same two subjects: ParisParis (historical), capital of France with the Seine banksBanks of the Seine (historical); a river that runs through Paris, bridges, and towers whose pearl grey, slightly hazy atmosphere he knew how to render with considerable mastery, and landscapes under a threatening sky and with a dark background against which trees and houses shine in hectic colours. With these pictures he won his significant victories at the great Parisian exhibitions. One had the impression, however, that it was mainly the powerful storm pictures perceived in a distinctly masculine way that released his particular artistic talent. They testify to a strong touch of virility
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that constituted a peculiar contrast to his refined, almost feminised appearance. -@Editor: PLC

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He painted very quickly and in that way he got time to occupy himself with other interests beside his paintings. His knowledge was extensive and he was familiar with all art forms. Very characteristic was an answer that he once gave to an older colleague in TrianonGrand Trianon (historical), a palace on the estate of Versailles outside Paris when he expressed his criticism of the fact that a younger artist laid out his pictures in a, in his opinion, much too systematic way. 'You must forgive me that I do not share your sentiments,' Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered, 'but I do believe that it is impossible to paint a leaf of a rose if you are not completely familiar with the influence exerted by Greek sculpture on Assyrian relief art.' – – – On another occasion Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter said: 'I don't understand the frivolity with which my contemporaries treat their art and their satisfaction with what they produce ...... Personally I think I would need a thousand years just to become a fairly decent painter.' That is how seriously Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter took his art.

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The greater part of his life he spent outside DenmarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen. in ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome., HollandHolland (the Netherlands, historical), a country in northwestern Europe whose capital is Amsterdam., and FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris.. Most of his time he lived in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... 'I'm neither Danish nor French,' he said of himself, 'definitely not French, but I'm a Parisian, and if that is not a nationality I have none.'

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When he turned his back on his native country, though he immediately gained much recognition at home, it was because he thought that the right soil for his wife Grete SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's art did not exist in DenmarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen.. He was often told that his way of painting was preferred to hers, and that was about the worst thing you could say to him, it offended his distinctly chivalrous nature. In ParisParis (historical), capital of France where the opposite was the case, he immediately felt at home. He considered GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's triumphs as his own. For himself he did not have any ambitions, and as for artistic skill he made strict demands on himself. -@Editor: PLC

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In spite of the inevitable influence that no artist living in ParisParis (historical), capital of France can free himself from, he had retained his special Nordic artist's talent ...... In cooperation with a French artistCharles Guyot (1892-1963?), French writer, co-author of Les Livres des Vikings (1924) with Einar Wegener he has written a book about a number of Nordic legends that has been printed in many editions in ParisParis (historical), capital of France and France. It made him very proud, he was pleased that with this book he had opened the Germanic world of ideas to the Romanic reading public and thus in the post-war period – the book was published in 1924 – contributed to the building of a bridge between the Germanic and the Romanic spirit. -@Editor: PLC

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In the last years his health left much to be desired. He complained of being in great pain, but it was done with a smile, and therefore no one believed that his condition was so serious. Now death has interrupted this bright and captivating artistic career and his life that was devoted to work and the struggle for art, will for all who knew him stand as an unfinished work ......"

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"Full stop," he finished and smiled to himself remembering that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had written something like this about him in her diary, which she had fallen asleep over one night a short time ago after a day when he had been on the verge of a bodily and spiritual collapse. But she did not know that he had read it.

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"Yes, and something similar," he said to himself, "may be printed about me in the paper in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark that is kindly disposed to me ...... If one of my so-called 'good colleagues' is to write about me in another paper, it will probably be a different tune ......"

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V.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had not booked a sleeping car ticket. He disliked sleeping with complete strangers, and he felt it as an unassailable shame when he had to undress in the presence of other men ...... But he was lucky, as the train drove on after a short stop in CologneCologne (historical), city in Germany he was still alone. He folded his hands as a child ...... If only he could be allowed to sleep ...... just this one night ...... not have to think, just sleep ...... sleep ...... He stretched out on the seat and fell asleep.

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A dreadful, stinging pain caused him to jump up with a cry ...... his head was swimming ...... a red mist rose around him ...... and then it suddenly became completely dark and he sank into a deep, deep abyss ...... He felt an eternity had passed before he recovered consciousness and found himself lying on the floor ...... What had happened? He did not know ...... he looked at his watch. It was midnight – seven more agonising hours before he reached BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

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With difficulty he managed to get up, and he lay down on the seat again ...... The pain had subsided somewhat ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, little GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, he sighed, I miss your cool hand that has so often helped me, just as my hand laid itself soothingly on your forehead when you were tormented for my sake ...... He got up and drew the shades down, took off his jacket and rolled it up to place his head higher. He had put his coat over himself ...... before he had been much too hot, now he was shivering with cold ...... And the pain resumed. With a deafening noise the train raged past a station and the lights from the platform threw milky white, ghostlike shadows into the compartment ...... shuddering he pulled his coat over his head ...... The dream – the dark rider – is he pursuing him? ...... Is that not the outline of a figure outside against the window? ...... Nonsense, he must be running a fever ...... he is shivering too, he can hear his teeth chatter, his hair is sticking
[Page 30]
to his temples and he is afraid ...... afraid of the rider, whose cloak stands out in the wind taut as a sail ...... He clearly hears the sound of the wind in the cloak ...... quite clear and louder and louder ...... or is it just the freezing cold entering through the window?

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The train slows down and stops.

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"Hanover! Hanover!" is shouted outside. And he hears the sound of hammer blows against the wheels, at first far away and then closer ...... in the end the blows are right under his compartment, and it is as if someone hammered on the top of his head. He hears German voices, car doors are slammed open and shut. Then the train slowly starts again ...... Dear God, it may be as tired as I am, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter thinks and makes himself comfortable on the bench again.

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But suddenly he jumps up. The door to his compartment has been pushed aside and against the light from the corridor the outline of a woman's figure appears. For a moment she timidly withdraws from the darkness, then she lifts a small suitcase up into the net and sits by the window in the corner facing the corridor.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter gets up and mechanically turns on the light ...... The train does not stop again before BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, so there is no hope of being alone again ...... He wondered if the next compartment might be empty? ...... No, that would look rude ...... he had to pull himself together and not complain. He is enough of a man not to allow a stranger to have pity on him. He sits up straight and assumes a correct posture.

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The lady is young and elegant; he observes her, but she does not seem to notice ...... The expression in her eyes is striking. It is as if she sees nothing, as if she has no idea that there is someone else in the compartment ...... He is annoyed that he has turned on the light ...... it would have been so nice to spend the rest of the night in darkness ...... but now it is too late ......He could of course ask, but that could be misunderstood ......

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt ill at ease ...... now he clearly sensed that he had a fever ...... his throat constricted and he thought it was as stifling hot as it had been icy cold a short while ago ...... Would this journey never come to an end? ...... When would time cease to stand still? ...... Once again the train roared past a station with a diabolical noise and again the pale light flickered
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through the window. He jumped up to pull the curtains closer.

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Then he heard someone crying.

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He looked across at the young woman in the other corner. She sat quite still and tears streamed down her cheeks. She must have noticed that he was looking at her but she did nothing to control her crying or hide her tears ...... How strange women are, he thought, so completely different from men ...... Have they no pride at all or are they really so weak?

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931! ...... Would LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 become like this, too? Yes, actually, she had most likely always been so ...... been like the morsel of humanity over there who sat and wept as if she had been abandoned by the whole world.

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She was still rather young, her ash-blonde hair lay straight around a high and narrow girl's forehead ...... her eyes, veiled by tears, were probably light blue and by nature carefree and happy. She had taken off her gloves, on one of her fingers was a plain ring of gold ...... so she was engaged. -@Editor: PLC He was seized by a deep compassion for this young, desperate woman.

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"Mademoiselle," he began softly, but she did not seem to have heard him. Then he remembered that he was in GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin..

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"Gnädiges Fräulein," he awkwardly repeated in German.

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Her red eyes met his gaze wherein apparently she read his honest compassion ...... her eyelashes that were wet with tears, glistened like silver ...... A ravishing bride, he thought.

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"I would very much like to help you," he said, "something sad must have happened to you ......"

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That was as far as he got. She had hidden her face in her hands and sobbed so piteously that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter did not know what to do. He sat down beside her, took her hand, and softly stroked it. She put her other hand on top of his and gradually she became calmer and began to speak.

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She was engaged to a famous pianistPianist XX (fictional), no known historical model -@Editor: PLC who two days ago had travelled to BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany where he had given a concert that met with rapturous jubilation. Tonight he was to return, she had gone to the station to meet him and there she had caught sight
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of a BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany newspaper with his name in large print on the front page.

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She handed the paper that was crumbled and stained with tears to AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter. It said -@Editor: PLC that as the famous pianist was on his way back to his hotel after the distinguished concert his car had collided with a tram, and severely injured he had been brought to the hospital where it was feared that his life could not be saved.

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Shaken he let the paper fall ...... He had offered her his help? What must she not think of him? And yet perhaps? – How often had he, who was not able to help himself, not managed to calm the sorrows of others and relieve their pain. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator claimed that he was in possession of a supernatural power ...... perhaps he still had so much of this power left in this terrible night that he could provide this desperate young woman with tranquillity.

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He took her hand again and held it firmly enclosed. To begin with it trembled like a captive bird, but gradually her crying became quieter and finally it stopped completely ...... He began to stroke her hand again ...... now and then she was shaken by renewed sobbing but her breathing became more and more regular ...... Suddenly AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt her blond hair against his face, her head had sunk to his shoulder – she slept. He put his arm around her to support her and he smiled happily ...... Then he still possessed the mysterious power to help others ...... even now!

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A couple of times he sought to free himself from his constrained position, but then her mouth trembled ...... How strange life is, he thought ...... This is me, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter from CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, I come from ParisParis (historical), capital of France and am on my way to BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany to meet my hour of destiny ...... and now I'm sitting here with a small German woman, someone else's bride, in my arms ...... Blind providence has brought us together ...... isn't that far more wonderful than the novels invented by the poets?

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The pace of the train was now quite steady ...... it was like a rocking cradle, and he dozed off.

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He was awakened by a sob, the young girl stared at him with a couple of bewildered eyes ...... a cold morning light entered through the curtains.

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"Oh, forgive me," he exclaimed stammering, for in his sleep he had accidentally changed his position. She did not answer, but started to cry like a tormented child who is quite alone in the world. He spoke to her consolingly until she settled down again in his arms ...... A few hot tears went down his cheeks ...... now he understood why fate had brought this young, lovely woman into his path. It was in order that he should feel like a man for the last time, in order that as a man he should take leave of the eternal feminine.

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The tall houses of BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany appeared in the morning mist and he had to wake the sleeping girl. She jumped up with a cry:

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"Oh God, what is it? ...... Is he dead ...... No, no, he mustn't die!"

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"Child," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter said in a firm but infinitely gentle voice, "I don't know your name nor you mine ...... but it doesn't really matter, you must believe me, I know he is alive!"

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"Yes, yes, I believe you," she replied, "and I am calm, quite calm ..... I shall never, never forget you!"

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Some minutes later she had disappeared in the crowd of the station. The crumpled newspaper was the only thing he had left of her.

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"I helped you," he thought, "although I myself may have been closer to death than your beloved ...... now I feel that we both shall live, he and I both."

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A few days later AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter happened to read in a newspaper that the bridegroomPianist XX (fictional), no known historical model of his unknown fellow passenger was on his way to recovery.

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VI.

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Accompanied by a porter carrying his two suitcases AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter covered the distance from the railway station over to the hotel on foot.

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"How cold it is here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany," he said surprised, and turned his coat collar up around his ears ...... "and today is even the first of March. In ParisParis (historical), capital of France it was already spring.

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"Yes, in ParisParis (historical), capital of France," the porter replied. And that was the end of the conversation.

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In the hotel, where Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist used to stay himself when he was in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, they had been notified about AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' arrival and received him with the utmost politeness. The receptionist had a letter -@Editor: PLC for him. He opened it when he had come up to his room. It was from DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany and informed him that Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist in order not to waste time had made appointments with various specialists who were to examine him. A few minutes later one of them, Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin, called him on the phone, and they agreed on a time when he was to see him ...... He had barely hung up before the telephone rang again. It was one of his old friends from CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, the poet and lawyer Niels HvideNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 who had already lived in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany for many years.

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"How do you know that I am here?"

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator has written to me. Get a taxi and come here. IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 and I are waiting for you with breakfast."

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This NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 was a brilliant man. He was of pure Nordic race. He originated from VendsysselNorth Jutland (historical), Jutand is a region of Denmark. We had to distinguish North Jutland from Jutland because in some languages North Jutland is one word and can signify a specific identity., where his family owned estates and farms. He might also have been an English lord, one of those about whom the English themselves say: "With us nobility is measured by yards" ...... IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938, his wife, was a typical modern, well-groomed young woman. Her henna coloured hair formed a piquant contrast to her big, almost childish, blue eyes, and in the delicate porcelain complexion of her face a cinnabar red mouth shone. They both loved to travel, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had made several
[Page 35]
journeys with them. They were very close, but they knew nothing about AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' secret, and that made him a little uneasy.

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They received him most heartily and as long as IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 was present they only talked of matters of no importance. But as soon as she had left the room, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 in his straightforward and robust way said:

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"Well, we are informed, you know ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator already made certain hints in ParisParis (historical), capital of France last year that made me understand why you had the bizarre idea of allowing yourself to be used as her female model ...... and in the letter she tells me everything."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter involuntarily looked up at one of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's paintings hanging on the wall immediately opposite him and representing LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 caught his gaze and continued:

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"Yes, it will be a strange turn of your life ...... but take comfort in the thought that you will be in good hands ...... Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist is one of our greatest ...... The important thing is that you have enough strength ...... you look a little tired, but then it is not easy to have to choose between yourself ..... and ......"

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He pointed up at the painting.

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"It is not about choice, but about life or death," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered seriously, "I am condemned to die ...... The question is if the other being living inside me, when it is freed of all the disguises of the body and soul, will be able to live life and take up the fight against it ......"

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 saw that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was greatly moved and as he knew that his friend would need all his spiritual and physical strength he changed to a jesting tone:

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"Here we don't die, my friend, here we carry it through ...... and the result will be a first-class phenomenon."

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"No," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter interrupted. "I don't want to be a phenomenon ...... I want to be a quite normal and ordinary woman."

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"Normal and ordinary? ..... Do you think that ......"

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"Please, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, let us not talk about the future ......"

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"You're right. Let us rather talk about the past ...... Are you even aware of when and how this LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 evolved and gained power over you?"

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"I'll tell you all that some other time ...... now I must go to Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin and the other doctors."

Page 36
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"Good," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 answered with his friendly laugh, "but when you have been through your task, we expect you to dinner."

* * *

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Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin, the inventor of a new method for the examination of blood, received AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter in a pleasant and considerate manner and asked him a number of somewhat difficult questions in such a factual and scientific tone that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter could answer them without the slightest embarrassment. Then he took a few blood samples while he explained how he, through a number of serological reactions, could determine the hormone content of the blood that was crucial to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's life possibilities.

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"From me you are going to the sexual psychologist, Professor HardenfeldProfessor Hardenfeld (fictional), modeled on Magnus Hirschfeld (1868–1935), a German physician and one of the most influential sexologists of the time; Einar Wegener was examined at his Institute in March 1930," he informed his patient, "he will subject you to a mental examination ...... From a purely scientific perspective you can think what you will, but his experience in this field is so great that in a case like this there is no getting round him ...... Finally you have to contact another of my colleagues, Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown, with whom I personally collaborate ...... when you come up to me again tomorrow morning the result of our examinations will be sent to your friend, Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist."

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"Your friend" ...... These words made AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' heart beat, and when shortly afterwards he found himself in Professor HardenfeldProfessor Hardenfeld (fictional), modeled on Magnus Hirschfeld (1868–1935), a German physician and one of the most influential sexologists of the time; Einar Wegener was examined at his Institute in March 1930's impressive Institute of Sexual ScienceInstitute for Psychiatry (fictional), modeled on the Institut Für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Science) in Berlin, founded by Magnus Hirschfeld in 1919; Einar Wegener was initially examined there he repeated them to himself – otherwise he would no doubt have lost courage ...... What am I doing here? He felt a moral discomfort with this large room that seemed more like a club for the sexually abnormal: Women who looked like men in disguise and men about whom it was hard to believe that they were really men ...... The manner in which these people conversed with each other, their movements, their voices, their attire, everything he disliked heartily ......

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At last Professor HardenfeldProfessor Hardenfeld (fictional), modeled on Magnus Hirschfeld (1868–1935), a German physician and one of the most influential sexologists of the time; Einar Wegener was examined at his Institute in March 1930 appeared and led him into his study where he subjected him to an hour-long interview. It was a relentless inquisition, a mental torture for AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... but presumably it was necessaary. When it was over, he was briefly dismissed: Tomorrow, same time.

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At the next in the series, Dr. KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown, it turned out that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had already
[Page 37]
acquired a certain routine in answering the questions put to him. Here the examination was conducted more as a conversation, however, and before he knew, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was into a lively political discussion about the relations between FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris. and GermanyGermany is a western European country whose capital is Berlin.. Quite en passant the doctor stuck a thin syringe into his arm to take a blood sample. Also Dr. KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown wished to see him the next day.

d1-trc06p028

AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter felt morally anguished when he returned to IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938:

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"I can't go on! Why don't we go out and enjoy ourselves? I need to see people, healthy people."

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 had another engagement, but NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 was happy to accept AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' proposal. They started in a small Russian restaurant, and subsequently toured around different places where they drank German, French, Hungarian and Spanish wine. NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 was a connoisseur of wine, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter did not need persuasion – he drank heavily.

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"Your health!" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 said. "You are a strange fellow. Tonight you behave like a real man and tomorrow you may expect me to treat you like a lady ......"

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"I can appreciate that you find it difficult to understand," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered and looked calmly at his friend. "I do too ...... but I am fully aware that there are two beings in me, and that each of them has his or her -@Translator: MO own and – I insist that you believe that – completely healthy and normal emotional life."

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"Yes, that is precisely what is incomprehensible," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 declared. "I have known you for many years ...... as AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, I mean – LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 you have kept hidden from us until now ...... and I have never felt that you were not like all other men ...... I have seen myself that women like you, and that is surely the best proof ......"

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He interrupted himself and put his hand on AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' shoulder:

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"I hope you do not take it amiss if I ask you a question?"

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"No," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter smiled, "I've become accustomed to that during today."

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"Tell me ...... have you never ...... been attracted to your own sex ...... You understand what I mean?"

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter shook his head:

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"Honestly, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, never! ...... It has not interested me in the least." -@Editor: PLC

Page 38
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"Bravo, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, I thought so ...... Your health again! Let us drink to the future! Had you lived in ancient GreeceGreece is a southeastern European country whose capital is Athens., perhaps you would had been declared a demigod, and in the Middle Ages you would had been burned, for at that time miracles were forbidden ...... Nowadays, however, at least doctors are permitted to act as miracle makers."

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They emptied their glasses, and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 accompanied AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter back to the hotel.

* * *

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Next morning AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had regained at least his outward composure, and punctually he met with Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin.

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"I have spoken with Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, and we have agreed," the ProfessorProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin said, "that you will undergo a preparatory operation with one of our young colleaguesProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany – a very skilled surgeon ...... When it is over there is no reason why you shouldn't go to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany."

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"Why not right away?" AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter stammered disappointed.

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"KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist is head of a women's clinic ...... and your case," the ProfessorProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin smiled, "is a little ...... unusual, even for us doctors ...... But as soon as you have been operated on here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, you are no longer Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ......"

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"But LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? ......" AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter exclaimed and sank into a chair.

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"Perhaps you can say that ...... Professor HardenfeldProfessor Hardenfeld (fictional), modeled on Magnus Hirschfeld (1868–1935), a German physician and one of the most influential sexologists of the time; Einar Wegener was examined at his Institute in March 1930 has informed me that he considers you to be mentally eighty percent woman ...... and the blood tests have given a similar result ...... I'll be present at the operation here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany myself, but first a series of photographs must be taken of you – for purely scientific reasons, of course ...... So tomorrow you report to the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin."

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As in a dream AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter took down the address, while Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin continued:

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"You look rather tired ...... Be careful ...... What you now have to go through is difficult, but what you've gone through in the past years has probably been even more difficult. The rest of us who are born as normal people are probably not able to imagine it ...... You must take comfort in the thought that you have been given spiritual wealth in return and a
[Page 39]
knowledge that far surpasses everyone else's ...... Just have a little patience, my friend ...... Au revoir et bon courage!"

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Without answering AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter pressed the kind man's hand and left.

Page 40

VII.

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That evening AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter visited NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 and IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 again. Neither of them wanted to ask him about the result of the day's important examinations. But as they sat at coffee after dinner he got up, turned the light in the ceiling off so that the light in the room became pleasantly subdued, let himself sink into one of the deep armchairs, and said without further introduction:

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"You asked me yesterday, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, if I was aware of the amazing development that I have undergone. I have spent the night thinking about the question ...... I had to use the time ..... because this night will be my last ......"

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"Oh nonsense, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter," IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 exclaimed, but NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 hushed her. And AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter continued smiling:

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"Whatever comes, Mrs. IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938, this will be my last night ...... That is why I would like to – if you have the patience to listen to me – tell you about my life ...... No one knows if I'll still be me the day after tomorrow or if this will be the last time I sit here as AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... And who knows if LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 shares my memories or if she has forgotten them?"

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had gotten up and walked back and forth. Now he stopped and said seriously:

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"I have thought about that too, and as I am a lawyer – even a very objective lawyer – I think it would be right that I take down in shorthand what you tell us ...... that is if you don't mind?"

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"No, on the contrary," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered smiling. "That is a good idea ...... one must of course think of posterity, too."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 fetched paper and pencil and made himself comfortable. IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 lit a cigarette, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter began:

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"I will proceed chronologically and begin by telling you about my parents, both of whom you have known, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 ...... My fatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener's family originates from MallorcaMallorca (historical), a Spanish island from where they had immigrated to JutlandJutland (historical), the largest region of Denmark. There
[Page 41]
is Spanish blood in us and from that I have my dark eyes ...... He was far from a firm nature; on the contrary, he was delicate, very preoccupied with himself and his well-being. MotherMother (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s mother, Ane Marie Wegener (née Thomsen) on the other hand had fresh and healthy nerves. She was blond and Nordic, but there was perhaps something hard in her nature. She was a capable person and a good mother. She died very suddenly, before fatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener, and he never got over her death. Their marriage had been full of storms but now that she was dead he worshipped her like a saint.

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"They had four children, three sons and a daughter. I was the youngest ...... And now I'll go on to talking about myself ...... I'm supposed to have been a charming and cheerful child, spoiled terribly by everyone, including my brothersBrothers (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s brothers, Holger (b. 1880) and Henrik and sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954) . From my fatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener I never remember having heard a single harsh word. When I was too naughty and a small slap was necessary, my motherMother (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s mother, Ane Marie Wegener (née Thomsen) had to see to it. The entire family agreed on pampering me – the youngest in the nest. MotherMother (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s mother, Ane Marie Wegener (née Thomsen) loved to dress me up, I could not be pretty enough, and therefore I was never – at the risk of ruining my delicate finery – allowed to play with boys of the same age ...... When I was quite small I had long blond locks and snow white skin, accentuating my dark eyes. Therefore I was often taken for a girl by strangers ...... In kindergarten where as the only boy I was with eleven little girls, I was the best at needlework. When I was five I had "honourable mention" for my work at the kindergarten's annual celebration.

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"When I was eight years old my brothersBrothers (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s brothers, Holger (b. 1880) and Henrik often teased me about having a really girlie voice. I took it to heart and I made an effort to make my voice rough and deep ...... It was, now that I think about it afterwards, my first unconscious pretence ...... Otherwise my childhood was nothing but sunshine. I was always happy and contented ...... With my brothersBrothers (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s brothers, Holger (b. 1880) and Henrik I played with tin soldiers and with my sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954) with dolls ...... That I wanted to push my sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954)'s doll's pram for her was nothing out of the ordinary ...... I think all boys who have sisters do that.

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"At the age of nine I was sent to the state school in the small town where we lived. Both my brothersBrothers (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s brothers, Holger (b. 1880) and Henrik also went to the same school. None of us were model pupils, but the headmaster was not fond of this kind of pupil anyway – they never amount to anything later in life, he said ...... French and Latin were the only subjects I cared
[Page 42]
for. Moreover I used the school's library very eagerly, which the headmaster considered very much to my advantage, not least because I was the second youngest in the class. In French we had an old teacher whose French pronunciation was very peculiar. He had once been to ParisParis (historical), capital of France which had been a great disappointment to him. It seemed that he and the Parisians had had difficulty in understanding each other. 'And you know that I do speak French!' he concluded his description of the trip.

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"My teacher in Latin was quite different. He was rather progressive and he did not limit himself to the strictly linguistic, but made an effort to initiate us into the spirit and art of antiquity. It was he who opened my eyes to the pure beauty of Greek sculpture ...... When I was in the bath with my friends I could not help noticing that I had a much more fine and supple build than the other boys. I myself thought I resembled Praxiteles'Praxiteles (395-330 BC), an Athenian sculptor -@Editor: PLC figures of young men of which we had a few plaster casts in the studio ...... That makes me think of a little episode ....... At school were already then three girls, one of them in the same class as I. In a recess she put her hat on me for fun and laughing she shouted to the others: "Look at him! Doesn't he look like a real girl!" ...... Suddenly the headmaster stood in front of us, and before I really knew what had happened, he had given me a proper beating ...... I was quite beside myself and it was not until many years later that I understood my old headmaster's motive for this punishment ...... Yes, what do we humans know about each other?...

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"Otherwise I was in every way a real boy who never refused to fight, and because I was so much slighter that the others, I felt obliged to show greater daring ...... Only when I was out walking with my sisterSister (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s sister, Christiane Thomsen (1881–1954) ...... and there was no one around ...... I still pushed her doll's pram.

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"In adolescence my interest in art grew. Already when I was ten -@Editor: PLC years old, I had begun to attend exhibitions and read books that dealt with art. My fatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener, who was a merchant, sought in vain to lead my interests in 'a more practical direction'. He first tried to educate me for trade, and then he put me into apprenticeship as a house painter, but this only strengthened my desire to become an artist. When I was an adolescent I had my first crush, and after this I continued with a string of crushes in the following years.

Page 43
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"When fatherFather (fictional), modeled on Einar Wegener’s father, Vilhelm Wegener finally realised the hopelessness of making something practical of me I was, at the age of nineteen, sent to CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark to go to the academy of fine artsArt Academy (fictional), modeled on The Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts (Det Kongelige Danske Kunstakademi) in Copenhagen, where Einar and Gerda Wegener studied and met. Here a couple of good friends immediately took it upon themselves to rid me of my provincial innocence, and under their 'protection' I was – a little brutally – initiated to the mysteries of the capital.

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"But then I got to know GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. It was love at first sight – in the most literal sense of the word ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had also just arrived at the academyArt Academy (fictional), modeled on The Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts (Det Kongelige Danske Kunstakademi) in Copenhagen, where Einar and Gerda Wegener studied and met, and like me she was from the province ...... We quickly became inseparable.

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"It was a friend who had introduced us to each other, but when he was told that we had become engaged, he was furious. He was jealous, not of me but of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ..... Well, that is not an unusual phenomenon. How many friends have not had the same experience when a woman has come between them? ...... A year later GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I married ...... We were quite young, I barely twenty and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator a couple of years younger ...... We knew nothing about life and about people ...... we were indescribably happy.

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"I still remember one evening ...... it was in one of the first years of our marriage, and at the time we lived in an attic studio with a magnificent view over all of Copenhagen. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator read one of the beautiful legends of antiquity for me. It sounded something like this:

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"'HermesHermes (fictional), in Greek mythology, son of Zeus and messenger of the gods, the gods' favourite, had a son, and AphroditeAphrodites (fictional), in Greek mythology, the goddess of love and beauty proclaimed by Homer to be the daughter of Zeus the divinely beautiful, had a daughter. Each of them was a revelation of beauty ...... They had never seen each other, but one day the two divine children met in the forest, and the girl was at once seized with an intense love for the boy ...... But he fled from her ...... She ran after him but did not reach him; she called, he did not answer. Desperate she complained to ZeusZeus (fictional), in Greek mythology, the king of the gods: "I love him, and he shuns me ...... Oh, help me, let me be united with him!" ZeusZeus (fictional), in Greek mythology, the king of the gods heard her prayer, he raised his arm, and at that very moment HermesHermes (fictional), in Greek mythology, son of Zeus and messenger of the gods' shy son stood before the master of the gods. Beside herself with joy AphroditeAphrodites (fictional), in Greek mythology, the goddess of love and beauty proclaimed by Homer to be the daughter of Zeus's daughter embraced the trembling youth ...... Again ZeusZeus (fictional), in Greek mythology, the king of the gods raised his arm and the two became one being ...... When HermesHermes (fictional), in Greek mythology, son of Zeus and messenger of the gods and AphroditeAphrodites (fictional), in Greek mythology, the goddess of love and beauty proclaimed by Homer to be the daughter of Zeus looked for their missing children they found only one happily laughing divine child ...... "This is my son," HermesHermes (fictional), in Greek mythology, son of Zeus and messenger of the gods said. – "No, this is my daughter," AphroditeAphrodites (fictional), in Greek mythology, the goddess of love and beauty proclaimed by Homer to be the daughter of Zeus said ...... and they were both right ......'

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"'Look,' GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator said that night, 'that is how much I love you ...... I wish you and I could be united in the same way.'

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"At that time GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator painted a picture of one of Copenhagen's most idolised actressesAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners. One day, when the actressAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners was to sit, the rehearsal at the theatre took longer than expected and she called by telephone:

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"'Listen, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, couldn't you work on the lower part of the picture and make AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter sit for you? ...... His legs are just as good-looking as mine ......'

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"While GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator telephoned, I was standing with a cigar in my mouth, cleaning my easel, and when she asked if I would help her, I flatly refused ...... But she persuaded me to put on the actressAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners' dress and high heeled shoes, and in jest she pulled a carnival wig out of a drawer, put it on me, put make up on me and led me to the mirror while she clapped her hands with delight:

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"'You look positively splendid,' she said, 'one would think that you had never worn other clothes.'

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"Now that I think back soberly, I recall that I immediately felt comfortable in this disguise ...... it seemed quite natural to me ...... I felt at home in these light women's clothes ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator sat down and began to paint, but after a while the doorbell rang ..... It was the actressAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners, the rehearsal had finished quickly after all ...... At first she startled a little at seeing someone else in her dress; then she recognised me, uttered a cry of joy and rushed over and embraced me:

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"'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter you are great! You're much prettier as a woman than as a man. I'm certain that you have been a woman in a previous existence...... unless Nature has committed a small mistake.'

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"She looked at me searchingly, and both GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I could tell that she felt more and more queer. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator signalled to me to go and change, but the actressAnna Larsen (fictional), modeled on Anna Larssen, a Danish actress, friend of the Wegeners would not hear of it.

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"'No, no!' she cried ...... 'I'd rather not see AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter today ...... I'd much rather keep this girl. But what should she be called? She must indeed have a name ...... shall we call her
[Page 45]
Lili?...... It sounds so sweet ...... From now on your name is LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, remember that! ...... But don't you think we should celebrate the christening?'

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator fetched wine and fruit and we celebrated to our heart's content.

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"That is how LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 came into existence and got her name ..... it began as a playful jest, a genuine artist's whim and through many years the game was continued – until it was in earnest.

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"Some weeks after LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's christening there was to be an artists' carnival, and it was decided that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 should be introduced in society on this occasion. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator composed a Pierrette costume for her and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was a smashing success. The gentlemen competed to dance with her, and one of them, an older officer, was so insistent in his advances that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 found it expedient to inform him that she was a man. But he would not believe this: 'No, little miss, an old soldier can't be fooled!' Another wanted to obtain a kiss by force and was so violent that she, as she had to break loose by force, tore up her lace.

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"It was the first time I learned how brutal men can be towards women – and it was not the last ......

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"I also gained another experience on this memorable evening. When I saw a lady in a really beautiful dress, I could not help but giving her a friendly smile, but usually I got an icy glance in return, scornfully measuring me from head to foot ...... I was upset and asked GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator if I had done something wrong. She stroked my cheek and answered:

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"'You are so stupid LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, you don't know yet how mean women can be to each other ...... If they are rude towards you, it is only a proof that you look great.'

– – – –

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"This party was followed by others, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 identified more and more with her role ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator dressed her every time and in the artists' circles of CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 started to create a furor ...

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"Strange as it sounds, soon it was no longer I who disguised myself as LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... she had for me as for GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator become an independent person ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and I were two different beings. When LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was not there, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I spoke about her, and when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was there, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and she spoke about me as if were a third person ......

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"To GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had quickly become indispensable. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was by nature
[Page 46]
rather melancholy, and when she was in a dark spirit, she called LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, who with her carefree cheerfulness soon got the better of her sombre mood ...... No less significant was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator as her model who, I can say that now, brought her luck, became her mascot ...... I do not know if it was a coincidence, but the pictures for which LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had posed were the most successful. And GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's fame grew ...... One day she had an invitation to exhibit her LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931-paintings in ParisParis (historical), capital of France.

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"This was the direct reason why all three of us, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and I, settled in ParisParis (historical), capital of France.

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VIII.

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"Even before we moved to ParisParis (historical), capital of France we had made several travels abroad. Our demands were very modest, and as soon as we had sold enough to save up some money, we went south to study and get to know the world.

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"Only when we had no more money left, did we turn our faces towards home. On all these journeys, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had not been along. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I had so many new experiences that we did not have time to concern ourselves with her. Thus we lived for a whole year in ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome., only filled with the beauty of the South that to us children of the North is like the most wonderful fairy-tale. It was the happiest year that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I lived together ...... But as soon as we were back home in the studio, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 appeared again and we could not comprehend that we had been able to do without her.

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"But now LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was no longer a toy ...... I had changed; I had not noticed it myself, but I discovered it through its effect upon others. In FlorenceFlorence (historical), city in Italy a rich Dutchman -@Editor: PLC had pursued me, so that I almost had to challenge him, and in RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy an American millionaire insisted on taking me to EgyptEgypt (historical), a country in northeast Africa whose capital is Cairo. ...... It was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who made her influence felt in me.

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"...... But now we were in ParisParis (historical), capital of France. We settled down on the left bank of the SeineSeine (historical), river that runs through Paris in one of the many small hotels around École des Beaux-Arts. We had two cosy pink and gray-white wallpapered rooms with a view of an old garden. In one of them was a secretive bed recess with red flowered curtains. The factotum of the hotel, JeanJean (fictional), no known historical model, told us that Oscar Wilde had spent his last days in the two rooms and that he had died in the bed recess behind the red flowered curtains. While he was speaking, tears ran down his unshaven cheeks. We understood the reason for his sorrow as he informed us that the poet had often given him twenty francs to buy cigarettes for him and
[Page 48]
never asked for change. Evidently this information also contained a delicate hint to us ...... Here in Oscar Wilde's quiet rooms GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I often sat at the wide window facing the old garden in the evening and read his works until we knew them by heart.

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"In the neighbourhood of the hotel we found our regular rendezvous: Château neuf du Pape, a modest little restaurant where we could have a splendid dinner for 1 franc 30 – wine included. A multitude of artists came there, and we made our first Parisian friends.

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"Shortly after our arrival, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was engaged as an employee by a large illustrated magazine, and immediately she was all enthusiasm and eager to start. But how could she find a suitable model in a hurry? ...... 'Couldn't you help me?' she asked. At first I was a little surprised because the first time in ParisParis (historical), capital of France had been so tumultuous that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, just as in ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome., had receded into the background, but I did not have the heart to disappoint GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and answered:

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"'Yes, but LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's clothes stayed in CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark and yours won't fit her.'

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"The next day we went out and shopped for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who was very proud of her first Parisian outfit ...... So LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 appeared in ParisParis (historical), capital of France.

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's pictures were a success and she was radiant with happiness. Her work was well paid and she could afford to keep other models. We rented a studio apartment and I got time to paint a good deal, partly in ParisParis (historical), capital of France and partly in VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris.

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"When we had saved enough money, we fulfilled one of our greatest wishes and travelled to the sunny paradise of CapriCapri (histoical), island off Italy in the Gulf of Naples where we had the pleasure of meeting one of our good friends, an Italian painter, whom we had met in FlorenceFlorence (historical), city in Italy. Through him we came into an international artist clique that gathered every day in the bathing season on the little beach at Piccola MarinaPiccola Marina (historical), a marina in Capri ...... Here a Scottish artist arrived one day accompanied by a figure in boy's clothes who in a bathing suit revealed herself as a pretty young lady.

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"'I saw that at once,' declared a Venetian sculptor, FlavioFavio (fictional), no known historical model, who belonged to the clique, 'a woman can no more disguise herself as man, than a man can disguise himself as a woman – it will be discovered immediately.'

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I looked at each other and smiled ...... And the next afternoon
[Page 49]
GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator showed up on the pier with a tall slim young lady no one had ever seen. They walked back and forth in front of Café Morgana, and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had to answer many inquiring and curious greetings. Signora FlavioSignora Favio (fictional), wife of Favio, no known historical model, the sculptor's wife, summoned her courage and went up to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator to ask how I was ...... she had not seen me all day.

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"'AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had to go to NaplesNaples (historical), city in Italy on business, he won't be back until tomorrow,' GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator explained and added, 'may I introduce: Mademoiselle Lili Courtaud ...... Signora Flavio!'

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"The Italian lady had achieved what she wanted and hastily invited GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and her companion for a party the same night.

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"The joke was a success beyond all expectations. Grete's French friend was given a friendly reception and was so highly admired that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had to stay a few days longer in NaplesNaples (historical), city in Italy. When he returned, the elegant Parisian had unfortunately left ...... neither FlavioFavio (fictional), no known historical model nor the others had discovered anything at all.

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"This experience brought about a change in LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's habits. She had more courage and now it often happened that she stayed all evening when she sat as a model for GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. If some intimate friend came to visit she no longer fled to the other room, but stayed where she was and filled the studio with her endearing character and her sparkling humour ...... Everyone came to love her but treated LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and me very differently. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's female friends, who were rather ceremonial with me, hugged LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and addressed her familiarly -@Translator: MO and the reverse was the case with my friends ...... Month by month LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 grew more predominant and only reluctantly gave way.

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"At the autumn exhibition where both GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I exhibited we made the acquaintance of a French Sculptor, Jean TempeteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners, who had a summer home in a small town at the Loire riverLoire River (historical), the longest river in France, Balgencie ... He had promised to organise a charity performance on the town's primitive stage and invited us to participate.

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"It was a merry party that in the morning got off the train in the little town that looked as if it was taken straight out of toy boxBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, quite a little RothenburgRothenburg (historical), a medieval town in Bavaria ...... 'the theatre' looked like a tobacco shop with an added dance hall, and as there was no scenery, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was appointed as scene painter and immediately got everything going. In a
[Page 50]
'uniquely spectacular frame of décor,' a revue for which TempeteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners had written the words and music was to be performed by the other artists – painters, sketch artists and sculptors. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator worked extremely hard and late in the afternoon everything came together smoothly. The only thing missing was a young woman painter who could not arrive before the evening train. But she was not on it, and it caused a great commotion. TempeteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners was beside himself, the part was not big, but it could not be cut out due to the 'thread' of the revue.

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"'Can't you take over?' he asked GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator in desperation.

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"'No,' she replied, 'I'm exhausted, I can't go on ...... but perhaps LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ......'

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"'Who is LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931?'

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"'It's a secret,' GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator answered, 'but I'll see to it that she comes, and she should easily handle it.'

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"She took TempeteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners aside and let him in on the secret. In a small hotel room I was dressed, and there was no one in the crammed hall who was not convinced that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was a native Parisienne ...... The pharmacist in BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France was even so enthusiastic that he sent a box of violet soap to the hotel for the unknown beauty.

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"That evening LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 met her best friend, Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923. He had the comic leading part in the revue and his mere appearance provoked cascades of laughter ...... He was the only one of us all who had talent ...... Already that morning I had noticed his dry, quick wit. His face was very irregular, he was almost colourless, his eyes were awry, and his nose was pointed. At first he seemed ugly, but as soon as one had talked just for a moment with him, one could not help noticing his sharp intelligence and the warmth and kindness emanating from his whole being.

d1-trc08p025

"Of course he was acquainted with the secret of GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's favourite model through his artist colleagues. But while AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had not interested him much in the morning, his conduct towards LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was completely different ...... After the performance there was a dance, and on the request of the others LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had kept on her costume. She danced incessantly and enjoyed herself tremendously. When she
[Page 51]
finally had a free dance, Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 stood in front of her, bowed and asked as he squeezed the monocle more firmly in his eye:

d1-trc08p026

"'When you have rested a bit, will you allow me to dance a few dances with you?'

d1-trc08p027

"He spoke in a solemn tone and a slight blush spread over his earnest face ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 looked at him a little surprised and nodded. They danced brilliantly together. They were of equal height and immediately in rhythmic harmony ...... They did not speak, but gave themselves completely to the dance.

d1-trc08p028

"The same evening it was decided that they should all spend the summer vacation in BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 received a special invitation, and she promised that both she and her “brother AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter” would come. From that moment LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 called me her brother and I had to put up with it.

d1-trc08p029

"In August the Paris gang conquered the little townBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France which received it half in admiration and half in consternation. The thermometer showed 35 degrees Celsius in the shade, and therefore we often turned night into day and bathed in the river at night. The society of BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France kept its distance, only the acting mayor, Monsieur RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon, as he was called by the whole town, a cheerful old bachelor, kindly looked after us. It was also he who in the town council suggested that a summer festival for the benefit of the town's poor should be organised with the assistance of the ParisParis (historical), capital of France gang. His proposal was approved, and the gang was immediately willing. TempeteJean Tempête (fictional), modeled on Léon Leyritz (1888-1976), French sculptor and friend of the Wegeners worked out a festival programme with the LoireLoire River (historical), the longest river in France as the centre of the festival. There was to be a procession of boats decorated with flowers. The first was to be CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology's boat and this GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was to organise. Monsieur RenéMonsieur René (fictional), possibly modeled on a deputy mayor of Beaugency, Henri René Goujon made his wine cellar and an old barge available to the festival, and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator really succeeded in transforming the barge into a splendid love gondola with a heart-shaped red sail swelling in the wind ...... The river is very beautiful at BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, but there are whirlwinds that make sailing quite dangerous. Therefore CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology had to be able to swim for safety's sake, and as since childhood I had been a very good swimmer, I had to represent CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology – that is, it was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who took over the role of CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology ...... Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, who in the meantime had become our close friend and who could also swim, became CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology's gondolier.

d1-trc08p030

"That is how it came about that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, disguised as CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology and surrounded by applause, sailed through the old cityBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France where Joan of ArcJoan of Arc (1412-1431), soldier in the Hundred Years’ War and a Roman Catholic saint; fought in the Battle of Beaugency in 1429 -@Editor: PLC had made her entry several centuries ago, surrounded by steel-clad
[Page 52]
warriors. In the bright sunshine CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology fired his golden arrows at the many people who were lined up along the bank, and several of them recognised LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 from the charity performance.

d1-trc08p031

"When ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 with great difficulty had paved the way for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 through the crowd back to the hotel, he looked at her earnestly and said:

d1-trc08p032

"'CupidCupid (fictional), the god of love in classical mythology, divine rogue, whatever you pretend to be ... you are a real woman!'

d1-trc08p033

"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 looked at him startled.

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"'What do you mean?'

d1-trc08p035

"But he turned away:

d1-trc08p036

"'Nothing ...... nothing at all ...... If I told LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 what I have felt and thought all day, her brother AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter would probably take it amiss.'

d1-trc08p037

"He left and when we met the next day, he did not speak to me ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had disappeared again ......

– – –

d1-trc08p038

"Through a number of years we spent our holiday in BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, and here I gradually got used to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's and my double life. She participated in all the parties and excursions and I applied myself to painting, swam and emptied several bottles of wine along with the inhabitants of the town. I had made many friends and knew everyone in the little townBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France, where they were quite proud at the thought that my pictures of the town's small houses and gardens were to hang in an exhibition in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... But none of the good citizens had any idea who the slim Parisienne was who often walked with ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator through the narrow streets early in the morning to spend a lovely day in the country and return only when all the lights were turned off and the town had gone to bed.

d1-trc08p039

"The friendship with ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 became even deeper during these holidays and was of course continued in ParisParis (historical), capital of France. ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 spent nearly every Sunday in the studio, and it was a tacit agreement that it was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who opened the door for him ..... If, on a rare occasion, it was me, he was evidently disappointed. He shook my hand in a friendly manner, looked at my new paintings, and we talked for a few moments about politics or something else, until he said: 'I haven't said hello to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator' ...... and went into the kitchen ...... But if LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was there, he did not leave her side. -@Editor: PLC

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d1-trc08p040

"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who wanted to go out on the town was often a guest along with ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator at a fashionable artist club where there was usually dancing. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 made an effort not to make new acquaintances, she only cared to dance with ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923. But one evening, a lady who belonged to our intimate circle and who knew both LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and me – though without suspecting anything about our double life – came over to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 with a gentleman, a no longer quite young officer ...... 'This is my cousin who would very much like to make your acquaintance,' she said and introduced: 'Count de la Trempe and Baroness Lili de Courtaud!' ...... I could not avoid dancing with him while ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 mockingly watched, and when the dance was over, he asked for permission to pay a visit to the baroness.

d1-trc08p041

"He came the very next day and was received by GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator who regretted that her 'sister in law' was not at home.

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"'Oh, said the count, 'your husband is the baroness' brother ...... I should be glad to make his acquaintance.'

d1-trc08p043

"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator left it at this explanation and after the count had looked with interest at the paintings for which LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had posed he said goodbye.

d1-trc08p044

"The next day we had a couple of friends for tea and I had just told them about the count's visit when the doorbell suddenly rang. It was him again.

d1-trc08p045

"'The day before yesterday I had the pleasure of dancing with your sister,' he told me, 'and I couldn't deny myself the pleasure of seeing her again as I was just passing.'

d1-trc08p046

"It was difficult for me to keep a straight face as I explained that my sister had left for the country early in the morning and that she would probably not return before late in the evening, but that she would no doubt very much regret that she had not been at home.

d1-trc08p047

"'I'm the one who regrets,' the count said, and looked inquisitively at me through his monocle. I had the feeling that my heart was an anvil and he was beating it with a hammer. Finally he let the monocle fall and said:

d1-trc08p048

"'It is strange, I can't find the slightest resemblance, one wouldn't believe that you and the baronessLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 were brother and sister.'

d1-trc08p049

"I breathed a sigh of relief.

Page 54
d1-trc08p050

"'My cousin has told me that the baroness is completely free,' he continued, 'dare I ask, if that is true?'

d1-trc08p051

"I was unable to answer and therefore restricted myself to nodding, whereupon he got up and with a very correct bow declared:

d1-trc08p052

"'Then it is my honour to ask for the baroness' hand in marriage!'

d1-trc08p053

"I nearly fell off my chair, and it was with the greatest difficulty that I promised him to convey his honourable offer to my sister.

d1-trc08p054

"With many compliments he retired – and a Homeric laughter rang through the studio.

d1-trc08p055

"But I was really very upset. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's experiences began to get on my nerves, and in the evening I asked GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator what on earth we should do.

d1-trc08p056

"'I've already thought about that,' she answered, 'for family reasons "your sister" will suddenly be called home to CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark and from there she'll send a nice letter – that can easily be arranged through one of our friends at home – to the count in which she thanks him and regrets that she is not in a position to become his wife, that he must give up all hope, and that she won't return to ParisParis (historical), capital of France for some time to come.'

d1-trc08p057

"So it was, and the count never knew to whom he had really proposed.

Page 55

IX.

d1-trc09p001

"And so LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and I continued our double life ...... we had many happy hours and neither the initiated nor I myself considered it to be anything other than a pleasant distraction, an artist's whim – neither more nor less. No more did we worry about the ever more prominent difference between me and the mysterious girl, nor did we notice that my figure had slowly started to change.

d1-trc09p002

"One evening I said to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator:

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"'I really can't imagine life without LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... but the day that she ceases to be young and beautiful there is no longer any reason for her existence.'

d1-trc09p004

"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator looked at me in surprise:

d1-trc09p005

"'It's strange ...... what you say is something that I, too, have often had to think about lately,' she said and explained as she searched for the words, that it was no longer I who modelled for her as LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, but that it was more and more LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 herself whom she drew and painted ...... and that during the last months she had felt remorse, because she originally was the one who had drawn LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 out and in doing so became guilty of the discord which more and more clearly showed in my nature on the days when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was not present.

d1-trc09p006

"I listened intently to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and it was as if she held up a mirror to me as she continued:

d1-trc09p007

"'I have the impression that we are faced with something stronger than ourselves that will get out of hand ...... as if LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 will take revenge because we have played with her ......'

d1-trc09p008

"'You are right,' I said, 'and the most terrible of all is the feeling that it is LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, precisely LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, who binds the two of us to each other ...... it is because of her that we have stayed together through all these years ...... I don't think I could live without her.'

d1-trc09p009

GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator interrupted me, she had often felt the same ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was
[Page 56]
the embodiment of our shared youth and happiness and she, too, could not imagine being without her.

d1-trc09p010

"'We can't give her up,' she declared with tears in her eyes '...... if she were suddenly no longer here ...... it would be as if we had committed a murder.'

d1-trc09p011

"'Yes,' I answered, 'more so as she has much more vitality in her than I.'

d1-trc09p012

"Perhaps these words were dictated by a momentary despondency. My health had so far been very robust, and I had been able to stand any physical exertion ...... but lately I had often felt unwell which manifested itself as an insurmountable exhaustion more than anything else. In addition to this, I had not really been able to endure the last winters in ParisParis (historical), capital of France which had been particularly cold and rainy. I constantly had colds and slight coughs ... But you cannot expect to stay young, I said to myself ...... and then I thought of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... She shared my body with me – to her youth was much more important than to me ...... I had previously had a happy disposition but now that was over. I became more and more depressed ...... for days, weeks, months I felt completely powerless ...... And I, who had always been a hard worker, lost all my energy. I no longer understood myself ...... Now and then, however, there were brighter periods – especially when we were in BalgencieBalgencie (fictional), modeled on Beaugency, a town on the Loire river in southern France – but it did not last long ...... I became more and more tired – it was an intolerable condition.

d1-trc09p013

"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator started to worry and made me go to a doctor who gave me a nerve tonic, but it did not help. I went to another doctor – same result.

d1-trc09p014

"Only when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 came, everything was all right, then life was wonderful again and all dejection was gone ...... therefore she came as often as possible ...... By now she had made her own acquaintances, and her own experiences and habits that had nothing at all to do with me ...... As time went on, she stayed for several days in a row, then she and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator sat together and sewed or embroidered and had a pleasant time ...... there were also days when she shut herself up in her own room and could sit and dream for hours all alone with her needlework ...... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques watched this
[Page 57]
mysterious creature who was building her own world shaking their heads in wonder ...... but they left her alone, and she was happy.

d1-trc09p015

"An accidental episode was to be the introduction to the last part of these continuous, relentless inner struggles between LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and me ......

d1-trc09p016

"About two years ago one of my old friends from CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark, the Royal Theatre's greatest actorIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen, came to ParisParis (historical), capital of France to give a guest performance ...... He brought his wife, the beautiful dancerEbba Persen (fictional), modeled on Ulla Britta Poulsen Skou (née Iversen) (1905–2001), a Danish ballet dancer whom Gerda painted in Paris in 1927, and for that reason there was also a ballet on the programme ....... But the ballet corps was not large, a dancer was lacking, and as my friend knew that I danced quite well, he asked me if would like to take part, which I agreed to.

d1-trc09p017

"At the ballet rehearsals that were very lengthy, I probably overstrained myself, for I had an attack of nosebleed of such an unusual character that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was frightened and wanted me to give up the part. But I did not want to embarrass my good friend, and I persevered, despite new bleeding accompanied by nervous sobbing, – something that had so far been completely foreign to me. After each of these attacks, I felt relieved, as if something in me had been released.

d1-trc09p018

"At the same time a curious change had happened in my character ...... I had always been quite independent, inclined to get on my high horse and never let anybody tell me anything, but already at the first rehearsal, I had the feeling that I was no longer myself. I had been seized by a strange impulse to subordinate myself, to yield to a stronger will ...... I had always regarded the actorIven Persen (fictional), modeled on Johannes Poulsen (1881–1938), Danish actor and director, married to Ulla Poulsen as a good friend with whom I was equal, but now I no longer dared to contradict him, I gave in quite slavishly ...... and more than that, when he asked me to do something over and grabbed me to show how I should do it, I was embarrassed and miserable and blushed like a schoolboy ...... When I think back on this strange psychological development now, I can safely say that it was not in the least erotic in nature ...... what had happened I cannot explain, it just was so...... but it was not me who reacted in this way. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator teased me with a smile about my new, humble nature, but behind her smile she hid an infinite astonishment.

Page 58
d1-trc09p019

"When at one of the last rehearsals, I showed myself in my costume for the first time, a tight leotard, a short bolero and a curly wig, my friend stared at me and exclaimed with his strong boyish laugh:

d1-trc09p020

"'No upon my word, that won't do, now we have too many ladies!'

d1-trc09p021

"At first I did not understand what he meant, but when I saw that everyone's eyes were directed at me, my face turned scarlet and I rushed out to the dresser and demanded to be given something else to wear ...... I realised that I looked like a disguised woman.

– – –

d1-trc09p022

"In the time that followed my nervousness increased further. At almost regular intervals I got the mysterious bleeding that led to a severe depression and was accompanied by intense pain ... GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator made me see a doctor again ...... but although I began to have an idea about the connection between my double existence and my physical sufferings, I told him nothing about LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and, of course, he could not help me.

d1-trc09p023

"I therefore started – like all other sick people who do not know what is wrong with them – to study all sorts of books on sexology, but I soon realised that nothing about ordinary men and women could apply to my condition ...... Gradually I arrived at the conviction that I was both man and woman, and that it was the woman who was about to take over my body ...... only this theory could explain the physical and mental disturbances that caused me more and more agony.

d1-trc09p024

"Secretly I went to a specialist and explained to him what I thought about myself, but he only shook his head and regarded me as mad ......

d1-trc09p025

"My condition became worse and worse and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator who was seriously concerned about me suggested that we should leave ParisParis (historical), capital of France where it was bleak and cold and go to ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome..

d1-trc09p026

"It was the end of March and on the other side of the AlpsAlps (historical), a mountain range in Europe we met the blossoming spring ...... Without stopping we travelled straight to RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy where we had arranged to meet one of our friends, an Italian officerRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband, whom we had met in FlorenceFlorence (historical), city in Italy on our first trip to ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome. and with whom we had since corresponded. He was now home on leave after a long service in the colonies. He
[Page 59]
received us at the station and drove with us to the hotel where he waited while we changed to take us out to dinner. I was terribly worn out from the long railway journey and had indescribable pains, but I did not want to spoil the evening for the others and so I went.

d1-trc09p027

"We sat at Facciano's; the cool evening air flowed in through the open door from the beautiful Piazza Colonna ...... I shall never forget that evening ..... The band played the latest tunes of the day, and right across from me sat GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... she looked as though she was only twenty-five. The weariness had disappeared as if by a stroke, her eyes sparkled and around her lips lay a dreamy smile. And next to her sat our friend, Ridolfo FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband, and looked equally splendid ....... When we met him the first time he was a young, lively lieutenant, we thought that it would only be a fleeting acquaintance, and when we parted we thought it was for good ...... But then his letters came from the distant colonies – usually it was GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator he wrote to.

d1-trc09p028

"I felt a pang in my heart and was seized by a deep sadness. I had to think of that time and of the years that had passed. And I thought of myself ...... what had I become?

d1-trc09p029

"I pulled myself together and threw myself eagerly into their conversation. A thousand questions were asked and answered ...... Do you remember So and So? ... What has become of him? ... And Mrs. X? ... What has become of her? ...... Do you remember the afternoon in the casino and the same evening in the cinema at Piazza Vittorio Emmanuele? ...... All the old names, the familiar places and atmospheres appeared to us ...... I saw it all before me ...... and here I sat with GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and Ridolfo FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband and laughed just as they did ...... but most often their laughter sounded alone and they looked as they did then, years ago, when they were quite young ...... I made an effort to join the laughter, but it was only an external, forced grimace ...... my previous joy in life was lost. I had changed ...... I had become another ...... a person without the courage to live.

d1-trc09p030

"There in RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy – it is just now a year ago – in this glorious city between the rusty red walls and trickling fountains, it was completely clear to me for the first time, that I had not only changed but that I was facing the end of my existence ...... The mild and at the same time cruel Roman spring was like a sort of
[Page 60]
overture to the last act of my life ...... I knew now that my fate was sealed.

d1-trc09p031

"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I had rented a studio with a wide flower-filled terrace just off Piazza di Spagna. This sunny home in the immediate vicinity of RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy's most beautiful square I will never forget ...... Every day I was sick, every single day ...... and outside our studio window the roses and the many orange trees blossomed.

d1-trc09p032

"Now and then LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 appeared ...... but she too had lost her carefree nature. She cried ...... every time she cried. She understood how wonderful life can be. She felt as if she were going to die.

d1-trc09p033

"Sometimes GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, who was usually so strong, also cried. She tried to paint but she could not quite get started. When at night I lay beside her, I felt that her eyes, too, were wide open ...... The evenings they usually spent with FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband. His manner had also changed by now. Though he strove to be cheerful he became more and more prey to a morbid melancholy ...... Once he was not able to control himself ...... he said that his life was a failure and that he quite understood people who came to the realisation that a monastery was their last resort ...... I could feel that he meant what he said.

d1-trc09p034

"And then I had to think about GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator! ...... Was not her life a failure too? ...... Had she not sacrificed herself in order that I should not be alone because she felt that I had become a sick person, and because she knew that she was the only one who understood me? I knew her loyalty and her affection for me, I knew that no earthly power could induce her to leave me – now less than ever. But she was still young ...... she still had time to make up for all that she had given up for my sake ...... To me, on the other hand, life no longer had any attraction ..... I know that it sounds trite – to others. But to me it was the bitter truth ..... Why then should I continue to drag myself through life? No doctor would understand what was wrong with me, no one could help me ...... Live on, sick and old before my time? ...... That was a terrible thought to me ...... Quite objectively I settled my score – calmly and rationally – and I came to the result that I had better die.
[Page 61]
Then GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator would be free and life could still grant her many rich years.

d1-trc09p035

"That evening in RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy I made my decision and it remained firm ...... only one thing could induce me to change it ...... I gave myself a year but if I was not able to find a doctor before then who could help me save LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 by separating her from me – I know that it must be hard for others to understand it, but what words should I use? – yes, if I did not find such help I would quietly take leave of life, even if the being who shared my body also had to share my fate ...... I had even set the date of this "execution" that had to take place as discreetly as possible to spare GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator as much as it was in our ...... in LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's and my power.

d1-trc09p036

"To spare GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... yes, that was the hardest of all ...... I knew only too well how she would take such an ending to my life ...... but in spite of all misgivings, in spite of the consideration for my faithful little friend, I realised that there was no other way ...... it would still be a liberation for both of us.

d1-trc09p037

"When I had made my decision I felt a kind of relief. Now at least I knew that there would be an end to my troubles in the relatively near future ...... My condition worsened day by day and the moment came when GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator realised that I could no longer stay in RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy, but that I had to go back to ParisParis (historical), capital of France to receive treatment from a good doctor. And in very low spirits we left RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy – and Ridolfo FeruzziRidolfo Feruzzi (fictional), modeled on Fernando Porta (b. 1897), Gerda Wegener’s second husband – on a sunny spring morning, long before we had planned.

d1-trc09p038

"When we found ourselves in the familiar surroundings in ParisParis (historical), capital of France again, I got a little better. Once again I saw a few specialists but still with the same negative result ...... a radiologist gave me an X-ray treatment that nearly cost me my life. I saw no reason to postpone the date of my death, it was to be the first of May.

d1-trc09p039

"It was a very hot summer in ParisParis (historical), capital of France and for that reason we went out to VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris where we stayed very close to the park of the palacegrounds of Versailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris. Our external life passed as before ...... Neither GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator nor I was inclined to make a fuss about our joys and sorrows ...... Work is the best doctor, I told myself, and as soon as my condition would permit, I went out into the park with
[Page 62]
my painter's box and my easel as in previous years ...... As often as she wanted to, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 came and tried to amuse herself and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator.

d1-trc09p040

"The only person who had a fairly correct understanding of my condition was Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923. He was a great comfort to both of us. Instinctively he felt what was hidden behind GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's, mine, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's calm exterior, and without many words he knew how to help us. When he came out to us on Sundays, he brought along the old happy mood. What would we have done without ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 during this period?

d1-trc09p041

"Both he and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had realized long ago that the only thing that sustained me now was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and therefore we both -@Editor: PLC encouraged her to come as often as possible. ...... ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 often went for long walks with her in the park, and they made plans for the future ...... One evening, when the rays of the setting sun set all the windows and the mirror-like surfaces of the fountains on fire, they walked together arm in arm down the terraces ...... Suddenly they heard a lady who passed exclaim: 'Look, there go two happy people!'

d1-trc09p042

"That evening Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 could not regain his happy laugh.

– – –

d1-trc09p043

"Most of our friends and acquaintances understood better than the doctors how ill I was. They of course had to limit their compassion to some sympathetic words, but they still gave me moral support, because I felt that they regarded me as a human being who carried a heavy burden and whose sufferings were a martyrdom and not – as the doctors would have it – imagination and hysteria.

d1-trc09p044

"One day I met in the park an older French painter, whom I knew quite well but had not seen for quite some time. He sympathetically asked about my health, and when I answered evasively, he said to my surprise:

d1-trc09p045

"'I have for some time, without your noticing, observed you, when you sat and painted, and I haven't been able to avoid seeing the great change that has happened to you ...... previously you were well and healthy, now on the other hand – well, you must forgive me for speaking bluntly, now you look like a girl in disguise ...... You are ill, you are even very ill ...... something has happened to you, something that sounds quite fantastic, but it has been seen before that what seems impossible today can be a fact tomorrow ...... Instances of the opposite kind are, of course, also known ...... the doctors are certainly well informed about those ...... Why shouldn't they
[Page 63]
be able to help you too? ...... I understand that it is not easy for a poor painter to pay the huge fee that real skill demands ...... but let us hope you may find a doctor who will render you his assistance for humanitarian and scientific reasons alone.'

d1-trc09p046

"Such a comment was to me like an oasis in the desert and gave me courage and strength to continue my hopeless search for the person who was able to save me.

d1-trc09p047

"During this last summer in VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris I often noticed that people on the street and in the park – yes, even in the stores where I used to shop – looked astonished and curious at me ...... One morning when I used a corridor through Hôtel des Réservoirs to get to the park more quickly, a couple of young waiters stood there, and when I had passed them, I heard one of them say in the purest Copenhagen dialect – before the war there were always foreign waiters at the hotel, also Danish, because of the many tourists –: 'That was a damned pretty girl, the one in the painters pants!' ...... Of course, I ignored it and hurried on.

d1-trc09p048

"A few days later the woman porter said to me:

d1-trc09p049

"'Please don't be angry, sir, but at the grocery store where you shop they won't believe that you, Sir, are a sir.'

d1-trc09p050

"She stared at me with a couple of wide open and terrified eyes when I laughingly replied:

d1-trc09p051

"'You don't have to be so shocked about that – I am inclined to agree with them.'

d1-trc09p052

"These and other experiences made me feel that the situation was getting precarious ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 could show herself on the street without anybody taking notice, excluding some Don Juan, who would get the idea of following her, while I, although I was perfectly correctly dressed and walked with long, firm masculine steps, could not avoid attracting attention and being taken for a disguised woman ...... it was quite intolerable.

d1-trc09p053

"I consoled myself that VersaillesVersailles (historical), a royal palace outside Paris is a small town whose inhabitants show a strong interest in everyone else, but when we returned to ParisParis (historical), capital of France in the autumn the case was the same ...... only the Parisians behaved more discretely. In the Metro, on the buses
[Page 64]
and in the tram I caught glances that told me that in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, too, people thought I was not the person that I pretended to be ...... it made a strong impression on me. My nerves were so weakened by my constant sufferings that I could not endure the curious and mocking glances that seemed to follow me.

d1-trc09p054

"I turned to a heart specialist who had previously been kind to me. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had seen him a few days earlier to try to explain my and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's double life to him, and he had promised her to call one of his colleagues who was a specialist in surgery. But he did not conceal the fact that he considered it an obsession without any physical explanation ...... 'I have examined your husband several times,' he said, 'and I can assure you that he is perfectly normal' ...... Before we went to the doctor together, I solemnly promised myself and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator that this would be my last attempt ......Not many words had passed between me and the two doctors before I got the impression that they had made a common plan for how to rid me of my 'hysterical whim' ...... They subjected me to a rather superficial examination and subsequently let me understand – in a tone the irony of which they made no effort to hide – that they considered me to be a hysteric and a malingerer. One of them with whom I had not previously had anything to do even allowed himself to suggest that I was probably in reality – a homosexual, a suggestion that made me quite beside myself. Had GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator not saved the situation with a cheerful laugh, nature would have surpassed my discipline and I would have rushed at him and grabbed him by the throat.

d1-trc09p055

"After this hopeless and to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and me equally depressing consultation I soon felt that it had taken my last strength ...... I promised myself that no power on earth would make me see a doctor again ...... I no longer wished to be the laughing stock of the gentlemen physicians ...... my, and by implication also LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's, death sentence had been passed and what was important now was to live on as quietly and patiently as possible until the time-limit I had given myself had expired.

d1-trc09p056

"Daily life in the studio passed as usual. When our friends and acquaintances came to visit, I was apparently in very good spirits and I made a special effort to maintain my equi-
[Page 65]
librium towards GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator because I was afraid that she would see through me ...... she, too, was in a difficult situation, she had become restless and often, when she thought I did not notice, she watched me so searchingly that I was afraid that she had a suspicion about my plans.

d1-trc09p057

"During these last weeks I felt only one desire: Music. I no longer went to concerts, I had become afraid of moving among strangers, but without caring about the price I bought all the records I could get hold of, both classical and contemporary music. Late in the evening and many times all night too I played the gramophone. I could not have enough music ...... I craved music as a thirsty person in the desert craves water, music was my only consolation, my only refuge whether it made me melt into tears or it was a tune of the day that I played over and over again until GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, unable to stand it any longer, suggested that we should dance to it ...... I literally lived on music ...... it was not out of sentimentality ...... I was rather imbued with a kind of cold calm, but I felt infinitely lost, at the mercy of a destiny that surpassed my ordinary, human intellect, and the sounds liberated me from my eternal brooding ...... When I listened to music, I did not have to think ......

d1-trc09p058

"Previously I had found distraction through books, I had gradually accumulated a whole library in the studio ...... Now I never opened a book. What pleasure would I have from reading about the destiny of other people, I knew that I would never in any book find anything about people who were like me ...... no poet had yet written about such a being, because it had never occurred to any poet that it could exist. And what could the philosophers of antiquity and the present give me when their whole thinking only dealt with men and women whose mind and soul had their own body ...... PlatoPlato (b. 429 BC), an Athenian philosopher knew that there were people whose emotional life is on the boundary between men's and women's ...... but in my ailing body two sharply divided beings lived who were foreign and almost hostile to each other, although they also had compassion with each other, because each of them knew that this body only had room for one. One of these beings had to be destroyed, or they both had to die ...... During these nights I was beyond the limit of mad-
[Page 66]
ness ...... I imagined that this body that tormented me so cruelly no longer belonged to me alone but that my share in it grew smaller day by day because it contained another being who demanded her life with my life as payment. I felt like an impostor, a usurper, controlling a body that already no longer belonged to him ...... I felt like someone who only owned the façade of his house ...... it was madness to follow these feelings to their logical end, because there was no end to them except one: that I had to go ...... That is why I could not live anymore.

– – –

d1-trc09p059

"Now and then LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 still came, however, and both GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and I were happy at her coming. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was happier than I, we both knew that, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 knew that she was able to comfort GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... At GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's request they often stayed together for several days ...... it was also easier for GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator to get through the nights when she had LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 by her side. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 fell asleep more easily, and when she slept, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator could also sleep ...... But often LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 cried without GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator discovering it. She had always had her own dream world, beautiful bright dreams – but now they were gone. Only for a few nights they had returned, and each dream had been a continuation of the previous. It was winter, and she dreamt of a spring filled with sun ...... she told GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator about her dreams, but she knew it was only a dream and she was afraid. But the next night she had an even more beautiful dream that put her fear to flight. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had quietly recorded many of her dreams in her diary and she once told me about them in a way as if it were a great secret.

d1-trc09p060

"'Don't attach too much importance to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's reverie, it's only fiction and imagination,' I replied and turned away ......

d1-trc09p061

"But these dream novels were GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's constant topic of conversation, and the only thing that gave them new courage and kept their hopes up, their ardent hope that a miracle would happen.

d1-trc09p062

"Then it was February ...... Our best friends, ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini, had returned to ParisParis (historical), capital of France. It was ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques who took me to see the German professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist who is responsible for my being here now ...... Today it is the third of March ...... in just under two months we have the first of May ...... and then Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter will no longer exist ...... Whether LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 survives this day and will be able to continue her own life – that is in the hand of Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist."

Page 67

X.

d1-trc10p001

When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter came back to his hotel, it was almost morning. An icy cold March morning.

d1-trc10p002

He stood for a long time at the window of his hotel room and looked out across the deserted square in front of the railway station. A couple of taxi cabs were parked there and a few delayed night wanderers glided like shadows through the light falling out across the square from the glass walls of the elongated railway station hall – a tired and faded light ...... Only the morning air was fresh and awake.

d1-trc10p003

Shivering with cold he closed the window.

d1-trc10p004

He was very tired ..... but it was a pleasant tiredness, as when after a long and exhausting walk one throws down a heavy burden that has bent one's back. The walk was over. The burden no longer weighed him down. He had this night thrown it down, as he confessed to his friends and told them about his and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's – to himself so incomprehensible – double life.

d1-trc10p005

He slowly undressed and stood naked in front of the mirror. He thought of the words he had said himself: "I am as one who owns only the façade of his own house" ...... The mirror showed him this façade ...... a flawless male body.

d1-trc10p006

But what was hidden behind the façade?

d1-trc10p007

No, he would not ask any more.

d1-trc10p008

Now he would only sleep ...... a good, deep sleep.

d1-trc10p009

Behind him lay the road he had travelled. Now he was at the goal ...... and on the other side there was no longer any path for him. He was at the end of his road ...... if there were a new road, it was not his but LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's.

d1-trc10p010

He was prepared.

d1-trc10p011

This knowledge of his own fate gave him certainty, peace and equilibrium. -@Editor: PLC

d1-trc10p012

It was late in the morning when he woke up. He was in a light, almost ethereal mood. He took a bath, ate
[Page 68]
lunch, and in a light and carefree manner went out on his last visits to the doctors that appeared to him as a series of pleasant experiences.

d1-trc10p013

"I am like a traveller who has left his luggage behind," he thought, "like someone who has taken a holiday from himself." -@Editor: PLC

d1-trc10p014

But in the middle of LeipzigerstrasseLeipziger Strasse (historical), a major boulevard in Berlin he heard the loud whisper of a child's voice: "Look mummy, there is a lady in men's clothes!"

d1-trc10p015

He turned around and looked into two frightened blue eyes of a child. It was a little girl about ten years old with a thick yellowish-white pigtail. She turned scarlet and embarrassed hid behind her mother who also stared at him in astonishment and hastily pulled the child with her.

d1-trc10p016

AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter too had turned scarlet. Now he no longer smiled. A peculiar hard defiance shot up in him ...... as if the man in him were offended. Without thinking about it and without wanting to, he placed himself in front of a shop and curiously studied his own reflection in the shiny pane ...... Then he turned away annoyed:

d1-trc10p017

"That is no concern of mine." -@Editor: PLC

d1-trc10p018

He stubbornly repeated this phrase several times ...... then he looked at his watch, it was just around the time when he was to report at Dr. Gebhard's clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin -@Editor: PLC. He stopped a taxi and exactly on time he was at the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin.

d1-trc10p019

He was received by a nurse and at once he was taken to see the senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 -@Translator: MO, a young, blond, almost athletically built man who kindly observed him with a pair of clever, cheerful, light blue eyes in which he glimpsed a certain curiosity.

d1-trc10p020

"I've had a long telephone conversation with my friend, Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist," he said, "and therefore I'm fully aware of your case. I've also had a conversation with Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin who has examined you here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany. He will be present at the operation I will perform on you ...... but that does not prevent me from wanting to speak with you a little myself ...... It is always best to form a personal impression."

d1-trc10p021

The senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 apparently wished to give this conversation a physical basis for he asked AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter to undress. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter obeyed and lay down on one of those examination benches which by now he had gotten to know thoroughly in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

d1-trc10p022

"Yes," the doctorProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 established, after a long and careful ex-
[Page 69]
amination, "you are in every respect what you pass for in civil life: a normally built man ...... but yet you have certain unconditionally female forms ...... this combination surprises me ......"

d1-trc10p023

While AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter dressed again, the senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 walked back and forth deep in thought as he observed him continually. Only now and then he stopped to glance at his file, then he said:

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"I know that you are in a hurry ...... but it can't be today ...... shall we say that you come here tomorrow afternoon around four o'clock? Then you can spend the morning going up to Professor HardenfeldProfessor Hardenfeld (fictional), modeled on Magnus Hirschfeld (1868–1935), a German physician and one of the most influential sexologists of the time; Einar Wegener was examined at his Institute in March 1930 and have the photographs taken that Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist would like to have before the operation ...... Let me see, today is Tuesday, then we'll schedule the operation for tomorrow Wednesday evening."

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"Yes, thank you, doctor," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered in an almost enthusiastic tone, and after having exchanged a firm handshake with the doctor, he left the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin and was again out in the open air.

– – –

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"Then I have been given a short respite," he said to himself and looked at his watch. It was late in the afternoon and he took a cab and drove back to the hotel ...... He felt that he could not strain his body and his nerves any further ...... The previous long night when he had confessed to his friends and the noise from the strange city had been hard on him.

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"I myself won't play anymore," he said "...... I have made my bid ...... for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... therefore I must save my strength ......"

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This was his last thought before he – it was not yet eight o'clock – made himself comfortable in the wide hotel bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

– – –

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Wednesday morning AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter left the hotel early. It was a fresh and clear March day. He walked down FriedrichsstrasseFriedrichsstrasse (historical), a street in Berlin, turned into Unter den LindenUnter den Linden (historical), a street in Berlin and stopped at PariserplatzPariser Platz (historical), central square in Berlin near the Brandenburg Gate in front of the simple and powerful architecture of Brandenburger GateBrandenburg Gate (historical), an 18th-century monument, among the best-known landmarks in Berlin . A glaring, light March sun gilded this most beautiful, almost classically pure street view of the German capital making AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter think of the wonderful squares of ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... German architecture too was able to
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produce something perfect, he thought, here a lot was to be learned. The painter had awakened in him ...... he strolled into TiergartenTiergarten (historical), Berlin’s largest park, a popular meeting-place for homosexual men at the time ...... The sun shone on the emerging leaves and the old foliage from the year before shone like precious bronze. He turned into a narrow path leading him to a tiny lake where some cheerfully quacking ducks swam about and the interlacing branches of the tall trees were reflected in the smooth and almost completely still water.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter stopped. This small piece of nature in the middle of the noisy metropolis surprised him. He embraced the image ...... He had to think of other mornings that he had spent in ItalyItaly is a European country whose capital is Rome., in FranceFrance is a western European country whose capital is Paris., and in DenmarkDenmark is a Scandinavian country in northern Europe whose capital is Copenhagen., where as a happy person he had listened to nature through his eyes ...... With his painter's box, easel and canvas he had walked along far away from the city and the people and had been happy about his fate, happy to be a painter and possess the ability to completely give himself up to the moment ...... The important thing was not to miss a single one of these precious moments releasing his innermost urge. Most often he painted as in a fever, he could barely wait until he had fixed to the canvas the image he absorbed through his eyes, which had been blown clean and clear by the wind during his walking, which were stronger and brighter than other people's dull eyes, and which saw ...... saw! -@Editor: PLC He had always loved that word. And he loved it even at this moment ...... In moments like this he had identified with the incomprehensible, the restless, this play between light and shadow, between colours and shapes, in the diversity of shades and in the winding curves of the lines ...... He had always appeared to himself as a fowler secretly lying in wait and using all bait until he has reached his goal.

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In this way he had created his pictures, built them up on the dead canvas with dead colours until what his eyes had learned by listening suddenly began to come alive under his brush ...... It is only an echo, he said to himself, a dull echo my pictures are ...... but yet they are an echo ...... And he felt happy, devout and humble like an initiate. These hours had been the only true and real happiness of his life. The joy he felt had belonged to him, him alone, he had not shared it with any other being, he owned it, it was his, and he had neither robbed nor stolen it from anyone else ...... It had been
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his wealth, his property. Could he transfer this wealth to someone else? ...... Like an anxiety he felt this question in him, never before had it appeared in his soul ...... Can one pass on one's joy to someone else? ...... It had been his joy to paint, but to him, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, this joy was irrevocably over ...... And LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931? If she survived him, would she then feel the same urge to paint? Could he as a poor compensation for the life he had stolen from her, for the many years of life, leave her this happiness, this creative zest? ...... If he could, the feeling of guilt that so often weighed him to the ground would become lighter.

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He had to think of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... She had quite different qualities than he did, in all areas she was different from him ...... With a smile he thought of how she had always loathed touching paint because she was afraid of soiling her fingers, while he often without hesitation had used his fingers as a brush ...... He burst into a loud laugh ...... here he was thinking of the inheritance that he would leave ...... but was there anything to leave at all? ...... Well, he did have a small proof, however, that he had accomplished something, the French government had bestowed an order -@Editor: PLC on him ...... this he could not share with anyone ...... oh, vanity!

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Should he turn back? He stood on a small, neat, slightly arched bridge from where he could see into a channel whose water rushed through a half open lock and fell like a cloud of dust ...... it sparkled and glittered in this waterfall en miniature.

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"Yes, I am as one who tries to sail against the current up over a waterfall," he thought, "and I feel that the current has grabbed me and overpowered me ...... I no longer know where it leads me ...... perhaps towards complete destruction ...... and yet I cannot get off the boat now that I am halfway, the decision has been made ...... there is no turning back."

– – –

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Half an hour later he arrived at Professor Hardenfeld's Institute of Sexual ScienceInstitute for Psychiatry (fictional), modeled on the Institut Für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Science) in Berlin, founded by Magnus Hirschfeld in 1919; Einar Wegener was initially examined there. He had to wait a long time for the photographer who, at the request of the doctors, was to take the photographs of his and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's common body ... What will become of all this? he asked him-
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self. His happy, confident mood was gone, he felt an infinite fatigue ...... He would prefer to quietly sit himself in a corner and cry.

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A lady, one of the Professor's assistants, came out to him in the waiting room and started a conversation with him. He confined himself to listening to her. She was very tactful and he felt that things would turn out as she said, without curiosity or emotion he listened to her words.

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"Your case," she said, "is something quite new to us, and what makes it particularly interesting to science is that you are an artist and thus in a position to analyse your emotional life. You will get to experience something incredible. First you have lived and felt as a man, and in future you will live and feel as a woman. I have to think of the Roman emperor who killed himself because he could not experience that which will now become your fate."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had the impression that it was someone else she was talking about, and that she was telling him something about this other person that he had known for a long time. But her compassionate and natural manner of speaking did him good ...... It is only the Germans who are able to combine objectivity and cordiality like this, he thought.

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When the photographer finally appeared, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had regained his outer carefree attitude ...... No relapse, now, he commanded himself, once again unconsciously appealing to his male pride -@Editor: PLC. When the photographing was over and he had left the instituteInstitute for Psychiatry (fictional), modeled on the Institut Für Sexualwissenschaft (Institute for Sexual Science) in Berlin, founded by Magnus Hirschfeld in 1919; Einar Wegener was initially examined there, he invited himself to a farewell lunch. He chose one of Berlin's best restaurants, assembled the meal with great care, starting with lobster à l'américaine and ordered a bottle of Liebfrauenmilch.

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When he paid two hours later, the head waiter said in fluent French:

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"Monsieur has probably come here to have fun ...... BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany is also renowned for its music and theatre ...... And as to the ladies ...... here on KurfürstendammKurfuürstendamm (historical), an upscale avenue in Berlin whose cafés and theaters were the center of Berlin’s cultural scene in the 1920s. Its Jewish-owned shops were targeted during Kristallnacht in 1938. ......"

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"Yes," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter interrupted and added, in a fit of black humour, "here in this excellent establishment that fully matches the best restaurants in ParisParis (historical), capital of France I see many both beautiful and really elegant and tastefully dressed women who could just as well belong in ParisParis (historical), capital of France or RomeRome (historical), capital of Italy ...... There are several of them
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for whom I would be happy to sacrifice my heart's peace, if I was not to undergo a fateful operation in a couple of hours."

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The head waiter stared at him in astonishment. -@Editor: PLC

– – –

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter drove back to the hotel where he paid his bill. Then he took a cab again and drove to ThomasiusstrasseThomasiusstrasse (historical), a street in the residential section of Berlin to say goodbye to his friends.

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"You certainly don't look anything like a sacrificial animal!" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 exclaimed laughing.

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But IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 threw up her hands in horror:

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"But AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ... in a few hours you are going to have surgery, and then you come here with a strong cigar in your mouth!"

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And she snatched the cigar from him.

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"What does it matter? I have just consumed my last meal before the execution, or rather I have, although it is a little early in the day, celebrated." my Polterabend -@Translator: MO -@Editor: PLC

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 took his hand:

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"I have not once been a nurse for nothing ...... I know how to behave when you have to undergo surgery, and it is definitely not as you behave, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... It's childish behaviour when you go out throwing your money around like that ...... it is quite out of place ..... by the way you look quite unwell ...... NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had better go with you."

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And so it was. Without a cigar and supervised by NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter made his appearance at the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin.

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He was very anxious but everything went in a businesslike way. The two gentlemen were received by a nurse who led them into a dazzling white room smelling of all sorts of disinfectants, right next to the operating room to which the door was open. A couple of nurses were busy in there. It looked as if they were in the process of getting everything ready for an operation. A strong, sweetish smell streamed out through the door.

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Sister MarianneMarianne (fictional), no known historical model apologised to the gentlemen. The senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 had been delayed and could not arrive until around six o'clock. They had to have a little patience.

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It was just before four o'clock and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 made a despairing face.

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"No, really sister, I can't stand it!" he said almost frightened. "Is there any reason why my friend and I cannot go and wait at the Romanisches Café next door?"

Page 74
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After AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had solemnly promised to come back punctually they were allowed to leave. NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 looked as if he were escaping.

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When they had found a seat in the caféRomanisches Café (see TS), renowned gathering place for intellectuals and artists in Berlin in the 1920s right across from the shelves with newspapers, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter discovered that the newspapermanthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas. who stood only a few meters away from them was red haired and hunchbacked. In an instant he jumped up and walked back towards the man who stared at him in surprise. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter gave him a mark, put his hand on his hump for a moment, and gave him another mark. Then he walked backwards towards the man and sat on his chair beside NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938.

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"It brings luck, you know," he said, "it is an old Italian superstition ..... I'm not normally superstitious, but now I feel convinced that the operation will go well ...... If you have touched a man's hump, you are protected against all evil ...... a woman's hump on the other hand has just the opposite effect, it brings misfortune."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 shook his head and laughed:

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"There you see how well I take care of everything for you!"

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"And now we'll have a funeral feast with fine old Rhine wine," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter said.

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When the waiter brought the wine, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter asked for three glasses.

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"Three?" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 asked.

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"Yes, the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas. will have a drink with us, of course."

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The newspaperman did not hesitate although he did not understand the reason for the invitation.

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"One is not usually so well treated," he smiled looking at his hosts. He took his glass, raised it and said addressing AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter:

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"To your health, sir! May your good heart live even longer than you!"

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"Bravo! The guy speaks like a prophet!" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 shouted and gaped when he saw his friend grab the hand of the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas. and press it warmly. Then AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter raised his glass and said to the newspaperman as he once again touched his hump lightly with the other hand:

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"You don't how much good your words have done me ...... Let's drink to the fact that it may go as you wish."

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He clinked his glass against the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas.'s ..... And cheerfully they emptied the rest of the bottle.

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When they left the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas. looked long and seriously after them.

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XI.

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In the room waiting for AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter at the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin the light was already on. A nurse led him in and took down the patient's name and the date, hung a fever chart over the bed, and asked him to go to bed at once ...... the doctor would come soon.

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"I suppose it's best if I leave right away?" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 asked.

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter nodded with a smile:

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"Yes, old friend, by all means go. I'll make an effort to fulfill the wish of the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas.."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 wanted to say something, but his friend pushed him towards the door.

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"You are right, AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... I could easily go and be sentimental."

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A brief handshake and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was alone.

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He walked mechanically up and down the floor a few times. There were no thoughts in his brain. Without knowing it he began to count his steps ......that's seven paces long and six paces wide ...... He sat on the bed and looked around. It was a quite ordinary hospital room. Bright walls, bed, table and chairs – all painted white. He slowly started his undressing and suddenly he remembered that this was the last time that he, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, undressed ...... that he was taking leave of his jacket, his vest his trousers, etc. ...... For a whole lifetime he had been dressed in these clothes, and as he took them off he looked at each piece for a long time ...... He placed the coat over the vest on a hanger that he hung in the closet as he had usually done since ...... Yes, since when? He still sat for a long time looking at each of his garments and passing his hand over them ...... What will become of you, he asked smiling bitterly, and what will become of me? ...... which one of us will survive the other ..... I? You? My poor clothes
[Page 76]
...... I had completely forgotten to think of you ...... perhaps you consider me a traitor to you .....

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He sat for a long time like this, like a dying man taking leave of his surroundings ...... He took his hat, which lay on the table.

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"You too ...... I had almost forgotten you ...... Haven't I forgotten other things? ......"

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He examined his jacket and took a picture from the inside breast pocket that he put on the table leaning against the wall.

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator!" he said softly and was just going to caress it when there was a knock.

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The door was opened, and the senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 entered accompanied by a young assistant doctor.

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"Well, how have you spent the day?" Dr. GebhardtProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 -@Editor: PLC asked him casually, "I hear that you've had a funeral feast ...... that was rather unnecessary as this initial surgery can be considered quite safe, but I'm glad that you appreciate wine. Your friend has told me which brand you drank ...... It's just a little unfortunate that it forces me to postpone the operation until tomorrow morning ...... this kind of procedure should be performed when the stomach is empty. But in order that the time will not seem too long I'll give you a sedative for the night ...... Good night and take courage!"

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Doctor GebhardProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 gave him a light handshake and he was once again alone.

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"Still wait, wait, wait ...... How difficult it is to be patient, my friend," he said to the picture standing on the table beside his bed. He looked at it for a long time.

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator," he stammered, then he fell back into the white pillows and for the first time really felt how tired and exhausted he was. The hectic days in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany only now reached his consciousness ...... Finally he was allowed to admit that his strength was spent ...... now no one saw him, not even GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, and the last remnant of male defiance in which he had sought refuge from his friends and the doctors during these painful days, as in a heavy and cumbersome armour, now fell from him.

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... it's a good thing that you don't see me now ...... But I mustn't cry ...... I must, I have to go through with this."

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Then it occurred to him that he did not know anything about
[Page 77]
what the first operation consisted of ...... he had thought that here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany he was only to be examined and put under the observation of the doctors ...... And GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator still thought so ...... he had received only a few postcards from her. It had been decided that she would go directly to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany to be with him when Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had operated on him ...... Shouldn't he send her a telegram? Wasn't it wrong of him to keep what was going to happen tomorrow a secret from her? No, why should he make her anxious – he had not himself expected that his, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter's, fate was to end here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany ...... End? ...... He had to smile: I'm all right ...... He thought of the hunchbackthe Cripple (fictional), no known historical model. We chose this epithet over “newspaper boy” or “red-haired fellow” because it is precisely his hump that makes this character important to Andreas. and of his words. -@Editor: PLC

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He had paper and a fountain pen lying on the table and he wrote:

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BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, Wednesday evening, March 4th

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Dear, sweet, little GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator!

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Tomorrow morning I will have surgery ...... The doctor says that it is a small and quite harmless operation, that is why I have not asked you to come ...... Should things turn out differently, however, then I will tell you now tonight that I will think of you every hour, every minute until the last moment, my brave and loyal little comrade, my dearest friend. My last wish concerns you and your future happiness ...... You will inherit the happy disposition that was once mine ...... in this way my soul will always live on within you ––– a thousand kisses from LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ......

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Yours and only yours

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Andreas.

– – –

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An hour later IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 came to see him. He handed her the letter and asked her to give it to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator if ......

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"You silly, silly man -@Translator: MO ...... It has to go well. NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 has already told me about your special guardian angel and his hump ......"

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At ten o'clock the assistant doctor returned to give AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter the promised sleeping powder. Shortly afterwards the nurse came and prepared the room for the night ...... she turned the light off ......and everything was quiet.

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In this, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter's last night, his sleep was deep and without dreams. He was
[Page 78]
allowed to sleep until the doctors came in the morning. He had barely had time to make the necessary toilette when Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin stood beside his bed and asked him to sign a statement saying that he, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, underwent the surgery according to his own wish, and that Dr. GebhardProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 would be exempt from any responsibility if the operation was unsuccessful.

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"With pleasure," he said, and immediately signed the statement that was addressed to some higher authority, thinking:

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"In other words, this means that if I die it's no use that I come and make a fuss afterwards."

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"Can't I add a few lines?" he asked. "I so much want to express my gratitude to the German doctors because they will ty to save me."

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But the ProfessorProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin shook his head with a smile:

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"No, that is not possible ...... Now you'll stay quietly in bed, we will anesthetize you here in your bed ...... it is the most comfortable for you ...... Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist has wished to be notified by phone as soon as the operation is over."

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was alone again, he took his fountain pen and hastily wrote down the following lines:

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Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist,

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At the last moment before my surgery, I feel compelled to convey to you my most heartfelt thanks. Since the day I met you in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, I have been full of hope, and here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany where I did not know a single one of the doctors who have examined me and assisted me, I have all the time had the feeling that an invisible power was watching over me and opening all doors for me. I know that this power is you, and that all the good that I have met comes from you. Whatever happens I am infinitely grateful to you ...... my life depends entirely on you. -@Editor: PLC

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Very faithfully yours

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Andreas Sparre.

– – –

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With a feeling of infinite relief AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter sank back into the bed. Now everything was arranged ...... in a few minutes the waiting would be over.

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And in this moment when he was on the threshold of the unknown, he suddenly remembered a winter day in ParisParis (historical), capital of France. Tired and miserable, tormented by pain, he had sought refuge in the old church, Saint Germain des Prés. He had never been there before, but he had gone there to rest in the incense scented twilight of the venerable room under the high vaults that had looked down on the hopes and sufferings of so many generations. On one of the pillars hung a peculiar and very beautiful gothic picture: a Madonna. There he had stopped and he who since his childhood had never said a prayer and who considered himself to be completely irreligious had knelt between a pair of old women, folded his hands, and prayed to the gothic Madonna:

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"You who are love and mercy, help me! Free me from my disheartened and sick body and let me die ...... or let a miracle happen!"

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It had seemed to him that the Madonna had looked at him with a smile ...... A few days later, he had met Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

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And now he lay here in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany waiting for the miracle to begin. Had Madonna really heard his prayer? When he left ParisParis (historical), capital of France, he had found an old, Spanish, miniature, silver Madonna in his wallet. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had once discovered it in an antique shop in SevilleSeville (historical), a city in southern Spain, and happy she had shown him the small piece of jewellery.

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"Do you know," she said, "I have a feeling, that the pretty little Madonna has been waiting for us there in the basement ...... she'll be our talisman."

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Since then GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had worn the ornament day and night on a fine chain, and without him noticing it, she had given it to him at his departure ...... cautiously he kissed the small image. -@Editor: PLC

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A moment later the assistant doctor came:

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"Now then, you'll have a little injection, and when you wake up again, it will all be over."

– – –

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter woke up again, in acute pain, it was almost noon. With a scream he opened his eyes. At first he thought, terrified, that he had woken up too soon and that he was still on the operating table ...... but gradually he realised
[Page 80]
that he was lying in his bed. He remembered that the assistant doctor had given him an injection but after that everything vanished in a fog ...... then he discovered that two nurses were bent over him and spoke to him reassuringly. Little by little his consciousness became more and more clear, but at the same time the pain grew more intense ..... he clenched his teeth ...... he did not want to scream ...... and he did not scream again.

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"Was I very noisy?" he asked.

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"Well," one of them answered with a smile, "you did make a little noise ...... and what was most strange was that your voice was completely changed. In a high, light woman's voice you called out: 'Don't leave me ...... don't leave me ...... I'm so alone ...... and I can't be alone yet ...... I'm afraid to ......'"

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The senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 came in, took his hand and pressed it lightly.

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"You are doing quite well ...... allow me to pay you a compliment ...... you have a wonderful soprano voice ...... just ask the nurses ...... you must preserve that, it can bring you a lot of pleasure later in life."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter wanted to speak but the doctorProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 was already off again. "Give him an injection," he had whispered to one of the nurses in passing.

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"Give him an injection," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter said like a child who repeats a word without knowing what it means ...... And shortly afterwards the quiet grey fog closed around him again.

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Towards evening he was woken by a fit of coughing. He had the feeling that his whole body would be torn to pieces, it was horrible. He tried to suppress his cough, he had never imagined that coughing could be so extremely painful. But he did not succeed. One of the nurses sat beside the bed and looked at him in bewilderment ...... she dared not give him something to drink.

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Finally the fit was over. He was quite exhausted. The nurse wiped the sweat off his brow.

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"I suppose you have smoked a lot," she said, "perhaps even yesterday."

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On the table beside him lay a package of cigarettes.

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"Take them away, throw that rubbish out the window," he asked, "I'll never smoke again in my life ...... I swear to it."

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And he remembered the cigar that IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 had
[Page 81]
taken from him yesterday – it was AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' very last cigar ...... A new fit of coughing later in the evening increased his aversion to tobacco. He could not imagine ever taking a cigarette again ...... and this distaste for smoking was passed on to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 was permitted to look in on him for a moment.

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"Well, you are doing splendidly," he said.

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"Oh yes, but it hurts," AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter answered, and at the sound of his voice NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 looked at the nurse in astonishment.

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"Yes," she whispered, "it's a completely different voice."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 sat down on the chair by AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter:

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"IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 sends her warmest regards ...... she'll come tomorrow morning, and she'll bring something that will please you ...... But what is the matter?"

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"I can't stand it ...... You'd better go ...... It's the pain!"

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The nurse beckoned to NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938. He tiptoed out of the room, and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter begged to have a new injection ...... He had several in the course of the night.

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The following day he felt as exhausted as after wandering through a desert. The pains were still there, but they had become more distant and more subdued, at least as long as he did not move.

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"Do not think about the pain at all," the nurse said, "just lie still and don't move."

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"Just lie still and don't move." Like a child he kept on repeating the words ...... Only now and then a question rose to the surface in him: Who am I ...... What am I?

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The next morning IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 came with a big bottle of Eau de Cologne and fresh flowers whose scent filled the sickroom. As a thirsty person he put his face among the flowers. Never in his life had he imagined that the smell of flowers could be such a heavenly gift.

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And how good IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 was! Silently and smiling she slid around the small room like a mother with her sick child, he thought, while she made the nurse bring her a vase and arranged the flowers. Then she spread a beautiful, multicoloured silk scarf, which she had brought in her purse, over the table and placed the flowers on the windowsill. When she was done, she sat beside the bed and gently stroked the trembling hands of the patient while she spoke softly and
[Page 82]
encouragingly to him ...... She had always been on formal terms with him, but now she was on familiar terms ...... this did not occur to him until a few days later ...... and during these first days she avoided calling him by any name.

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"Now everything will be well! ...... You just have to be confident and patient ...... Life will be wonderful for you ...... trust me, I know."

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Then she stopped talking – she just sat quietly and let her cool hand slide over his feverish forehead ...... He forgot his anxiety and his pain and settled down a little ...... Time passed ...... as in dreams he heard her slip away ...... and he fell asleep.

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Every morning she came back with new flowers and good words. A day passed, two days, three days. Most of the time he was like a child who has not yet woken up to real life ...... And the nights which the sleeping medicine brought him through were without dreams.

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One day IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 brought a particularly splendid bouquet of spring flowers and, blissful, he wanted to kiss her hands:

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"You are my good angel, IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938."

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But she stopped him:

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"No, today you mustn't thank me ...... it's not from me, it's from a good, distant friend."

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"Is it from Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923?"

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 nodded. Then she opened the small white letter placed in the bouquet and read:

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"Each flower in this bouquet is a greeting to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931!"

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For a long time AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter hid his face in the flowers, and IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 could not see that his eyes were filled with tears. Then he asked:

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"I wonder if ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 will ever find her again?"

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"Who do you mean?"

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"His LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931."

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He scribbled a thank you on a card and handed it to IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938:

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"Will you send this for me?"

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Without wanting to, IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 had happened to look at the handwriting.

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"Did you write this?"

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"Yes, you saw that, IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938!"

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"Well, then she is already there, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923's LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931! See for yourself."

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AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter looked at the card and did not recognize his own handwriting ...... it was a woman's writing.

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 ran out to the assistant doctor who was standing in the corridor and handed him the card:

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"Look at this, doctor, no man could have written this, right?"

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"No," the doctor admitted surprised, "you are right, it's a new sign ...... right after the other."

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"What do you mean?"

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"Haven't you noticed the voice? ...... It is no longer a man's voice."

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"Oh, you!" IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 exclaimed when she was back in the sick-room ...... she could not say any more, she was crying.

– – –

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When AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was alone, he very softly said a few words to listen to his own voice ...... Was it really true? ...... And he continued to speak until the words faded away and he dozed off again.

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Suddenly he was torn from his sleep. It was night. A horrible scream passed through the thin wall into the darkness of his room. A scream he had never heard the like of. At first he thought that it was he himself who had screamed ...... but no, there was another scream, it sounded as if it were a young animal being tortured to death ...... He could not stand it any more ...... It must be someone who was being murdered.

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"Help! Help!" he shouted and rang the bell furiously.

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The door was torn open and the nurse rushed breathlessly to him.

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"For heaven's sake, what's the matter with you?"

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"With me?"

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He looked at her in bewilderment, then he heard the scream again ...... and now he realised that it came from the room next to his.

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"Who is screaming, Sister? Is someone dying?"

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The nurse smiled:

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"No, on the contrary, someone is being born ...... it's a young lady next door who has had her first child, a lovely little girl ...... but now it's over ...... Can you hear, she is no longer screaming ...... and in a few days we'll have her back on her feet again. But I understand that you were frightened, it is not very pleasant when you are not used to it." -@Editor: PLC

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He did not know what to answer. He only felt a strange, deep shame ...... then he began to cry. The nurse stayed for a long time and tried in vain to calm him ...... then she fetched the syringe – and everything, anxiety and shame, this new, unknown sense of shame, all the many urgent questions sank into the usual fog.

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Later the nurse told him that she had stayed with him until morning, and that all the time he had whispered:

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"Yes, yes, that is how I'll have to give birth to myself!"

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She did not know that the person who said these words had already become another being. -@Editor: PLC

– – –

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The next morning IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 said, beaming with joy:

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"Can you guess who will be here in three days?"

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator?"

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"Yes, here is her letter."

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He was just about to start reading it when the senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 entered.

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"Oh, you are just the man we are looking for, doctor, when do you think that I can begin to get out of bed?"

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"Do you want to get out of bed? There is no rush ... You are doing quite well here in your bed with such a lovely, merciful sister to care for you," the doctorProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 replied and gallantly kissed IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938's hand.

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"Yes, that's true ...... but in three days my wife will come."

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The doctorProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 was startled and looked first at the assistant doctor and then at IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938:

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"Well, yes, that's true ...... but we had better wait, nevertheless ...... it's possible that your wife will find you somewhat changed."

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He left the room quickly with his assistant, but AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had time to see that he was at pains to suppress his amusement.

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"Why did he laugh at me?" AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter asked, "did I say something wrong?"

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"Stupid LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931!"

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That was all IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 could answer.

Page 85

XII.

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Three days later, early in the morning, even before they had finished the cleaning, which was seen to by the scrubbing ward maids and the shiny white nurses, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator appeared, elegant, fresh from a good night's sleep, wrapped in fur, Parisienne from head to foot.

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The nurse on duty immediately knew who she was.

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"Oh, it's Mrs. SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator isn't it?" she said ......"let me show you the way ...... You are eagerly expected ...... Please, excuse the disorder here, we haven't yet finished the morning cleaning."

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator took off her right glove and held out her hand to the nurse. She had to suppress a little smile as she saw how her red fingernails and her even redder lips and most of all the fragrance emanating from her fur and mingling with the smell in the corridor of green soap and well-scrubbed floors made them all stare at her. -@Editor: PLC

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Then she was in the sickroom.

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She had come in without making the slightest noise. The morning sun touched the white bed in which she saw a pale face rising as if woken from a dream. Two big, deep, brown eyes looked towards her and the lips quivered but remained mute. -@Editor: PLC

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With open arms GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator stopped as if petrified in the middle of the room without being able to move. She fought back her tears. But she would not cry ...... she wanted to smile. She wanted to say hello with a few happy words ...... but the big, brown eyes held her ...... a few infinitely long seconds passed ...... then a narrow ray of sun touched the patient's face, passed over the dark eyes whose look lit up in a beginning exultation and enkindled a silvery lustre ...... the lustre of two pearly tears ...... Then GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator tore herself from her astonishment ...... and sobbing sank on her knees in front of the sick bed.

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What these two people felt at their reunion, what they lived through and said to each other during this silent time together – words cannot render. -@Editor: PLC

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Late in the evening when GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was alone with her confused thoughts and conflicting emotions she wrote the following letter to her friend in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, to Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923:

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"What I have experienced today, I cannot describe ...... I can only suggest, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, not explain. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter is dead ...... I could no longer find him. But I found a pale and lovely creature. It was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and yet not her, not the LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 we knew in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, but someone else, an entirely new creature. Her voice, the expression in her eyes, her handshake, everything was new ... Is it a transformation or is it a being who is in the process of finding herself? I suppose it must be the latter. She is so womanly and untouched by life ...... no, womanly is not the right word, I would rather call it girlish, almost childlike, shy and insecure with a thousand questions on her lips ...... I feel as if I am faced with a wonder, and I am much too moved and fascinated to be able to find the right words ...... And at the same time I know that unimaginable sufferings still await her before her soul is completely disentangled from the mantle enclosing it ...... What a destiny, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923! I shudder when I try to think it through. It is a mercy from heaven that she is still too weak to look back or forward, she herself is barely able to realise her present condition. I talked to the doctors ......This first operation has only been the beginning of the sex transformation that now is to develop clinically, but so far everything has gone better than could be expected ...... AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has now ceased to exist, they say, the glands, which made him a man, have been removed. What has to be done next will be done in DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany by Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... The doctors also said something about hormones, and I pretended to understand what they meant ...... Now I have looked it up in a medical book, and it says that "Hormones are stimulating or rousing substances belonging to the internal secretion and accelerating, possibly sparking off the activity of other organs." That did not tell me much ...... But what use is wisdom and
[Page 87]
knowledge when it comes to a miracle? I can only believe in it. What I experienced at the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin appears to me as the solution to the mystery which through the many difficult years has tormented AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter and us who lived with him and which has seemed quite insoluble to us ...... But the solution has yet not been completed. I know it, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 suspects it ...... Her innermost being is still tied and bound, and only Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will be in a position to undo the ties. Everyone here, the doctors, the nurses, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 and IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 observe with wonder the great external change that has happened to 'the little patient,' but they do not really know if they should still consider this suffering being a man, or if they should already address her as a woman. And what is their astonishment against mine? Day in and day out I lived with this poor, sick person. We have only been apart the few weeks since he left ParisParis (historical), capital of France, and now I am facing a new person whom I almost do not know. And what has happened to me will happen to you and ElenaElena Rossini (fictional), modeled on Hélène Kann Allatini (1887-1943), friend of the Wegeners; author of Mosaiques and ErnestoErnesto Rossini (fictional), modeled on Eric Allatini (1886–1943), friend of the Wegeners; married to Hélène Allatini to whom you must show this letter for I cannot bear to write any more ...... I must only add that when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, this new, sweet LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, like a little sister – yes, that is how I felt – sought refuge in my arms crying, she stammered:

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'Are you angry with me because ...... because AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter robbed you of your most beautiful years? ......'

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I was so shocked, ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, that I almost could not utter a word ...... and when I finally felt able to say what I felt, I did not dare ...... It is not me, not me, whom AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has deceived, it is herself, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, my sweet pale LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 whom he betrayed by depriving her of her life as a young girl ...... ClaudeClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923, you and I must do everything we can to help this betrayed LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and make up for what AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter has done to her ......"

– – –

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The next morning, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had spent the night at a hotel, the head nurse suggested putting another bed into the sick room so that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, before the departure to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany which was to take place a few days later, could be close to the patient all the time.

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"How nice," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator answered gratefully, took the nurse's hand and pulled her into the side room that was vacant. She
[Page 88]
quickly fetched a suitcase which she had left standing in the hallway, opened it and whispered softly:

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"Dear Sister, let me show you something, and then we will speak no more of him." -@Editor: PLC

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She took a lovely silk négligé out from the suitcase:

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"Isn't it beautiful?"

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"Yes, it will become you wonderfully, madam."

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"Me? ...... No it is not for me, it is for ...... for our sweet little friend in there. But," she laid her finger with the painted red nail on her mouth, "hush, it's a secret ...... until tomorrow morning."

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Next morning a still slightly pale and timid, but infinitely delighted young lady sat upright in the white sick bed in a delicately scented Parisian négligé supported by the pillows. The assistant doctor almost could not believe his own eyes when he saw this transformation:

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"My compliments, Miss! ...... If you promise me to be very brave and very careful you'll have permission to get up for a couple of hours today and move over to the armchair so that you can show yourself to the wondering world ...... but only for two hours and you must stay in this room ...... we must proceed cautiously."

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Several of the nurses found a pretext for going into the sick room during the day and the head nurse maternally took LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 in her arms and whispered:

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"Now you just have to be brave!" -@Editor: PLC

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That was all, no curiosity and no questions, and when the senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 came to visit with his patient in the evening he, as if it were a matter of course, gallantly took her hand and kissed it saying:

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"Good evening, Mademoiselle, I see that you are still doing well!"

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Only then did he see GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator:

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"I apologize ....."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 hastened to introduce:

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"This is my ...... this is Mrs. Grete SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator."

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For a moment GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and the doctor looked at each other with restrained emotion. Then the doctor said with a good-natured laugh:

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"Yes, I know that you were married to the missing Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter.
[Page 89]
But what can one say? Men are faithless ...... you never know where you are with them."

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It was as if LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 in the first days -@Editor: PLC did not really take part in what was happening around her. Without showing any surprise she heard the nurses call her "Miss" or "Miss Lili," but neither with a word nor a movement did she answer the surprised looks of her friends.

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"We must leave her alone," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator said to IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, "she is resting within herself ...... it is all just a passing phase ......the preparation of the free development of her nature."

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During this period GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator carefully kept her diary. Every evening she wrote down her observations and the experiences she had had with LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 during the day. In simple, hesitant words she sought to trace the obscure and difficult path along which LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 walked her first steps ......

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Here is a single page of this diary:

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"With admirable patience LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 endures the after-effects of the surgery although she cries and moans a little morning and evening when the dressing has to be changed, clamps have to be removed and thread pulled out. But she does not complain. 'It must be done,' she says with a resignation which I have never known in her before. She has only one wish, to get to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany as soon as possible, to her own professorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist, that is what she calls him ...... She never speaks about the past ...... Often I have the impression that she has not had any past, as if she has no present either, as if she just exists in the expectation of the life Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will give her."

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Another day GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator wrote:

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... "Without LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's knowledge, IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 and I have made preparations for her journey to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany. Today we went shopping, and we returned to the clinic with a big multicoloured box.

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'Try to guess what this is?' I said.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 looked at us and replied without a smile:

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'No, I can't!'

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 cut through the string and pulled a lovely brown fur coat out of the box.

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'This is for you, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931,' IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 said and spread the coat in front of her and showed her the lovely, soft silk lining ......'

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'That is sweet of you, she answered, but do you think that Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will approve if I make my appearance dressed like that ...... I only hope he can recognise me ......'

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And her eyes became sad ...... Oh God, her eyes! ...... Really, they are sad, also when she laughs. AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' eyes were quite different ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's too, back home in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... It is as if the new LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's eyes are not yet properly awake ...... as if they still do not believe ...... or maybe they are afraid to show what they believe."

– – –

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It was still winter in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 a few days later, wrapped in her first new fur coat, was permitted to leave the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin for a couple of hours. The senior physicianProfessor Gebhard (fictional), modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt (1890–1965), a Berlin surgeon who performed the first operation on Lili Elvenes in 1930 had prescribed a drive.

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"We must practice for the great journey to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany," he declared, "we must have a little fresh air, show ourselves among people, gather strength."

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"Among people" ... These words made LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 listen. She was seized by a secret fear, but she did not let the others feel it ...... NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 and IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 picked her up ...... and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator never left her side.

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When LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 stood in front of the clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin, weak and supported by NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938' arm, the fear came over her again. She felt frightened like a prisoner who is newly released to freedom under the bright, blue sky ...... She looked around as if she were afraid that everything around her was only a delusion, and she hesitated to step forward.

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"Come on, child," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator whispered to her softly.

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"She is conceited, she wants to walk alone," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 said.

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"No, no," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 exclaimed alarmed, "you mustn't let me go ...... Don't let me stand alone ...... I ...... I just wanted to breathe for a moment, it's been so long since I've breathed in the fresh air."

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When LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was in the car, she huddled up against GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and closed her eyes for a long time:

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"Don't mind me ...... I must get used to it all first ...... all of it."

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And like a blind person she drove through the roaring bustle of KurfürstendammKurfuürstendamm (historical), an upscale avenue in Berlin whose cafés and theaters were the center of Berlin’s cultural scene in the 1920s. Its Jewish-owned shops were targeted during Kristallnacht in 1938., like a sleep walker, silent and withdrawn......

Page 91
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The trip lasted two hours ...... Then GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator brought the exhausted patient back to the sick bed ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had barely picked at the food that was brought to her before she fell asleep, a sleep that lasted until the next morning.

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In the afternoon NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 picked them up again. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was already much more composed.

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"Today I won't be so boring," she said, "I even long for people."

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"Aren't we people?" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 asked jokingly.

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"Yes, but for strangers ...... yes, I would like to once again see a stranger."

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"Very good, an excellent idea," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 said, and told them that they were to dine at home with him and IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 to celebrate the day.

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He stopped the car at a phone booth and got out. He just wanted to let IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 know that they were on their way, he said, when he returned with a very mysterious air.

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IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 opened the front door for them and handed LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 a large bouquet of roses.

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"There, now just be brave, LilichenLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931," she said, "you'll have everything your heart desires ...... also a stranger ...... a young woman from Copenhagen." It was her NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had telephoned so that she could meet "one of our French friends who just arrived from ParisParis (historical), capital of France." "Don't be afraid, she doesn't know you."

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"For God's sake," said LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and she shrank back.

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"No nonsense, you'll have to play French," IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 declared, "she knows that you speak neither Danish nor German and she herself does not understand a word of French ...... I have told her that you have just been through a serious illness and that you are still very weak. Don't make any nonsense, practicing will do you good ...... and remember, you don't understand what we say."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 took LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's arm and quickly pulled her into the living room. Before she had come to her senses she sat with her large bouquet of roses in a deep, soft armchair, the same chair in which Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had spent all night confessing to his friends barely three weeks ago.

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"Just stick to it!" IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 whispered to her.

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"Yes, you are right, I will, if only it won't last too long."

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The door opened and a young actress from CopenhagenKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener with whom GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had spent an evening a few years ago stood in front of LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ......

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 thought that her heart would stop beating. A feverish blush rose to her face ...... No, she said to herself, no, no.

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But no one noticed her nervousness.

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"May I be permitted to introduce," IngerInger Hvide (fictional), modeled on Vibeke Knudsen (dates unknown), married to Poul Knudsen from 1925 to 1938 smiled, "Miss Karen Warren ...... Mademoiselle Julie Humbert ...... Mrs. Grete Sparre."

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"Oh, we already know each other," the actressKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener cried, "how is your husband, Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter?"

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator informed them that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter was doing splendidly but that he was so overloaded with work that he had to stay in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 sat quite still and pretended that the Danish sentences did not make any impression on her. Each of Miss WarrenKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener's questions and the others' responses were at once considerately translated into French. The maid announced that dinner was served, and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 ceremonially offered LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 his arm and led her into the dining room. She behaved just as a perfect Parisienne who had never in her life heard a word of Danish. Danish and French were spoken alternately. Miss WarrenKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener expressed herself unreservedly about LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's delightful attire.

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"One immediately sees that the costume is from ParisParis (historical), capital of France," she said, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 could hardly to suppress her mirth. Everything she was wearing had been bought in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany a few days ago ...... But she kept a straight face although she many times had to bite her tongue not to blurt out a remark in Danish ...... The dinner lasted for almost two hours and the atmosphere became quite animated ...... there was a lot of laughter and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 joined in as soon as the reason for the laughter was explained to her in French ......

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But then she suddenly was not able to go on ...... she was close to dropping from faintness ...... and she asked GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator to accompany her back to the hotel. With a smile she said goodbye to Miss WarrenKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener who promised her that next time they met she would be able to speak a little French.

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"And you, Mrs. SparreGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, please give my warmest regards to your husband."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 drove them back to the clinic.

Page 93
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"No," he declared, "this I would never have thought it possible to carry through, now I believe in miracles!"

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had collapsed completely from fatigue. Silent she rode through the noisy cityBerlin (historical), capital of Germany where all the lights were now on ...... Thousands and thousands of electric lights sparkled and shone. There was no smile on her face. When the car stopped in front of the clinic NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had to carry her up to her room. She slept ....... She did not see the huge bouquet of lilacs standing on the table. Only the next day when she woke up after having slept about twelve hours did she learn that the sweet smelling purple flowers were a spring greeting from the distant Claude LejeuneClaude Lejeune (fictional), modeled on Claude Prévost, friend of Lili’s whom Gerda Wegener painted in 1923 ......

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This was how Lili’s first meeting with a stranger passed.

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"Imagine that she was not able to recognise me," she said almost wistfully.

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"But child," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator objected smiling, "it should make you glad ......there is no one ...... no one at all who knows LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... my new LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... out in the world ...... You are only about to start life."

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That day GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator could not yet understand, not yet comprehend, that LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's sadness was the fear of not finding friends.

Page 94

XIII.

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The next morning a message came from Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Everything was ready for the patient to arrive if her -@Editor: PLC condition allowed her to make the journey to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany. Before her departure, however, she had to pay one more visit to Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown who had examined Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter's blood a few weeks ago and now had to make a new blood examination.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator read the letter to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and her voice trembled with emotion but she pulled herself together:

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"Good, then we have come so far ...... When do you think that you will be fit for the journey?"

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"We'll go tomorrow morning, of course."

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"That's fine, but then we have to see Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown today."

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"And GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator rushed into the hall to call the doctor's biochemical laboratoryKarner’s laboratory (fictional), no known historical analogue and make the appointment."

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Some minutes later she returned to announce that the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown was not available for another hour. She found LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 standing by the window with the letter from Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist in her hand.

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"Come, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, let's set off right away, then we can walk there, a little walk will do you good."

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"No, no, no! ...... Not walk," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 cried like a child who is frightened, "I dare not, not yet, I don't have the courage to show myself on the street."

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And she began to cry.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator gently patted her cheek:

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"Good, then we won't, then we'll take a cab there."

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On the way GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator accidentally said that Doctor Karner's female assistant, with whom she had spoken, had not been able to understand her name.

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"But then the connection was bad, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator added."

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By chance they arrived at the laboratoryKarner’s laboratory (fictional), no known historical analogue at the same time as the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown.

Page 95
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"Hello, DoctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown," said LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, who immediately recognized him and held out her hand.

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"Hello, madam," Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown answered, as he was evidently searching his memory for her name.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was unhappy and looked at GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator – as if to get help – then she stammered shyly:

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"I ...... I come from Doctor Gebhard's clinicGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin ...... it is at the request of Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... I am Lili SparreLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931."

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It was the first time that she pronounced her new name, she heard herself say it, and an inexplicable feeling of shame coloured her cheeks red. She looked fixedly at the doctor:

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"Do you really not recognise me?"

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"Yes ...... yes ...... of course," the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown answered, no less confused than LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. One could clearly tell that he had no idea of who was standing before him.

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"It is about a blood sample, as I understand it," he nervously added and led the two ladies through the hall into the waiting room where he asked them to wait a moment.

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"Yes, but do you really still not recognise me?" asked LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who now could not help but smile. Also GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's eyes were shining with mirth.

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The doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown was even more confused:

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"Sparre? Sparre? ...... Yes, now I remember ...... some weeks ago a Mr. SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter came to see me ...... he was sent here by Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin, but I do not remember having seen you, Madam ......"

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"The gentleman and I were -@Editor: PLC one and the same person," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 explained.

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"I beg your pardon?"

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Suddenly a light seemed to dawn on the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown:

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"Oh, now I understand ....... The ladies are from abroad ...... yes, of course."

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He looked at his watch a little absent-mindedly and bowed to them:

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"Please excuse me, I just have to make some preparations."

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Then he disappeared, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 looked at GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator.

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"I really don't think he recognized me ...... it's marvellous."

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A young nurse had arrived and asked them to follow her. Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown was waiting for them in the laboratory, where AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter
[Page 96]
had already been. He took a small, thin glass syringe and said, still a little uncertain:

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"Will you be so kind as to sit down and pull up your sleeve ...... all the way up over the elbow ...... so that we can find a vein ....... Thank you, that was very good madam!"

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"Madam" ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 never thought she had heard anything so clearly, it was as if her ears could not let go of the word ...... It remained hanging in the air as she looked fixedly at the syringe which the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown with a quick jerk had stuck deeply into her white skin and whose glass container now slowly filled with her blood. "Madam!" It sounded as if it came from the blood flowing from her veins ...... and then she fainted.

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When she regained consciousness, she looked around timidly.

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She was lying on the operating table, and the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown stood beside her smiling.

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"Have I been lying here long?"

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"No, not at all, madam, only a few minutes ...... Did it really hurt that much?"

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"Hurt? ...... No, no ......" LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 answered and looked around her bewildered ...... I don't understand what came over me ...... I am otherwise not sensitive at all, surely you must know that.

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"At least your husband was not ...... I understood you correctly, didn't I? ...... Mr. SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter is your husband, isn't he? ...... I know that German is a very difficult language for all foreigners ...... one easily happens to express oneself incorrectly ...... Do you know that you told me that you and your husband were one and the same person?"

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The doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown laughed heartily and continued before LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 could get a word in:

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"By the way I have to say that I admire your husband ...... he was very ill and worn out when he came up to see me, but he didn't complain ...... he would not even speak about his illness ... We discussed politics, I remember, and he gave a long speech about the political situation in France while I took a sample of his blood ...... I know that it is not quite painless, but he did not even flinch, while you ......"

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"Yes but DoctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown ......"

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"Please ...... you don't have to be ashamed
[Page 97]
of that at all, it is not a crime! ...... You are a representative of the weaker sex after all, while your husband, if I may express myself as a doctor, appeared to me to be the prototype of the masculini generis."

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"Dear DoctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had risen, she laughed out loud and looked the doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown in the eye almost overly confident, "you have no idea what moral support you have given me with those words."

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"Support?" The doctorDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown inquiringly bent over her hand and kissed it "...... I assure you ...... I admire you at least as much."

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"That is excellent. Thank you doctor, till we meet again!"

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"Till we meet again ...... please give my regards to your husband!"

– – –

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, my dear," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 said when they were down on the street, "so now I have come so far that I can see the comedy of the situation without a murmur ... it even amuses me and that is just as well ...... otherwise I think that I would have gone mad ...... and that must not happen ...... I must keep going until ...... until I have found myself completely ...... So far, I have the feeling that I experience everything ...... The dinner yesterday with the young woman from CopenhagenKaren Wardal (fictional), also Warren; possibly modeled on Sascha Wamberg, a Russian-born Danish woman living in Paris at the time and depicted in several painting by Gerda Wegener, and now the visit here with the doctor ...... everything as in a kind of twilight state."

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That very evening GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator wrote in her diary:

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"So LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 is still seeking confirmation of herself ... and it will be long before she fully understands that she really exists ...... And they will not make it easy for her ....... by 'they' I mean everyone who knew AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ......"

– – –

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"Come," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 said, "now I feel so well that I dare to walk on the street."

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And from Doctor Karner's laboratoryKarner’s laboratory (fictional), no known historical analogue they walked in good spirits through the bustle of the cityBerlin (historical), capital of Germany. It was a young, fresh, sunny spring day. The sky was without clouds and blue as silk. The air felt like a caress. All the people they met had a bright, cheerful, and carefree expression in their eyes."

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"Do you also think I can get to look like that? LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 asked several times."

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They walked arm in arm and often they stopped in front of the shop windows
[Page 98]
whose displays were intended to tempt women. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 never tired of looking at the beautiful and expensive things and she looked at her reflection in all the windows.

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"Tell me GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, do I look good in my fur coat? ...... or do I look different from ...... from you? ......"

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator smiled, she did not need to lie:

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"Good Lord, just think of Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown ...... and be happy that we have come this far."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not ask again. But now and then, she glanced searchingly at people who passed her. The same question was still working within her, but she did not express it. She made an effort to force a smile, and again and again she whispered to herself:

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"No one knows me and my fate here in this big cityBerlin (historical), capital of Germany. No one suspects me ...... no one ...... I can walk undisturbed, alone with my secret ..... no one betrays me. It is a beautiful, bright day and the sun is shining ...... And the sun will be more wonderful and I'll experience it, yes ...... yes ...... yes ......."

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Tired, she hung by GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's arm.

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"GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator," she said at one point, "I hope you're not ashamed of me? ......"

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"Ashamed, what do you mean?"

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"Nothing, nothing at all ...... So tomorrow we travel to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany...... I'm happy that NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 will go with us ...... sometimes I get so anxious, I don't know why."

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This feeling of anxiety grew in the course of the night to such a degree that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had to call in the aid of the head nurse.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 cried and cried through many desperate hours.

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"I can't ...... I can't ...... how will I be able to show myself before Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... He doesn't know me ...... He doesn't know who I am at all ...... I am so afraid ...... I'd much rather die."

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When she was finally so exhausted that she was no longer able to cry she lay quite still without being able to sleep, staring straight in front of her with big frightened eyes.

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A thousand concerns tumbled in her brain. The railway journey to DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany ...... among strangers ...... the arrival in the new, unknown city ...... the road to the clinic ...... and
[Page 99]
again strangers ...... prying eyes ...... and then the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ..... How would he receive her?

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not know herself what was going on in her.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had long since packed their suitcases, had managed to scrape together a lot of kind and encouraging words and had talked away about a lot of trivial things, but LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was still indifferent:

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"Tomorrow I have to stand before Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ...... and no one will help me ...... no one."

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Still she whispered the same words to herself.

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And when GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator said to her that she must remember that the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had only one thought, to help her, and that it would be ungrateful of her to give in now, then she only shook her head:

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"No, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, I know better, I know better ...... no one can help me ...... no one ...... it is much too hard for one person alone – and I'm so tired."

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Later in the morning GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had fallen asleep – she had not been in bed most of the night. Quite softly, not to disturb her, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 got up and slipped over to a large mirror which GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had brought and which was hung above the bedside table that had been converted into a provisional dressing table ...... She looked at herself in the mirror for a long time ..... no, no, she was not satisfied ..... she thought that she looked hideous, there was no expression on her face ...... she looked like a sad, tired, bloodless larva ...... With a blank look she sat down on one of the suitcases, rested her empty head in her hands, and did not have another thought.

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"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 ......" it was GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, who wrapped her arms around her neck, "do you know what you look like? You look like a little sweet mother who is concerned for her child."

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"Concerned for her child ......" ..... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 slowly repeated the words ...... "yes, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, for her poor errant child's sake ...... Do you think that such a mother can ever be happy again?"

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator placed herself in the middle of the room and held out her hands imploringly towards her:

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"Promise me that you will say: 'Today I will be brave, today I will be brave' ...... then you will surely be happy again."

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In this way the day began, but there were still many
[Page 100]
difficult moments to get through. NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 was there in good time and he helped the frightened LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 bid farewell to the nurse and the clinic that had been her first shelter on this earthGebhard’s sanitorium (fictional), possibly modeled on Erwin Gohrbandt’s private clinic at Augsburger Str. 66, Berlin.

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"You look just like an officer's wife," he said to her, "overbearing and condescending ...... it's quite incredible, you are truly a phenomenon."

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"In half an hour they will drag the phenomenon along," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 thought bitterly, "....... the phenomenon!"

– – –

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But she pulled herself together. No one should see her cry today, no one ...... And she wouldn't think ...... not think of anything ...... She let them drive her to the station ...... and her eyes pretended to see ...... but they saw nothing ...... in the waiting room she was compelled to have lunch with the others and she obeyed.

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"Today I won't have any will at all, NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938, today I'll do everything you say to me ...... today you will think for me ...... for one more day I'll take a holiday."

– – –

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"Now, we must be in good spirits," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 declared, "we have to celebrate LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's first journey."

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The waiter brought three mugs of "Hofbräu" and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 raised his mug to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, the neat, elegant GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, also, though with a somewhat apprehensive look, raised her mug and said to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931:

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"Cheers, or as they say here: Prosit!"

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not hesitate and before NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had let his glass touch hers, she had taken a proper gulp.

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"Bravo! Bravo!" NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 cried so loud that many of the waiting room's guests looked at them.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 immediately put her mug down:

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"No, no, I beg you ...... let us not attract attention."

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The fear had caught hold of her again, but she was determined to be happy, and besides she honestly had to admit that she enjoyed the fresh, fragrant beer after the flat and colourless diet of the clinic ...... This solid lunch with fresh crisp rolls with salami, liver sausage, and cheese – a real German meal – was something quite different from the sick diet she had become used to.

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"One becomes a completely new person, children," she said to the two
[Page 101]
others ...... "one returns to life ...... Yes, I wish I was that far ...... Now, cheers, a toast to life!"

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 did not need to be told twice, and when the time of departure approached he cheerfully took LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 by the arm and carried her off so quickly through the teeming crowd of the platform that GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator found it difficult to keep up. They found a corner seat by the window for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator sat directly opposite her.

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With happy, watchful eyes absorbing every little detail as a new great experience LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 rode into her new life.

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The landscape between BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany and DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany was an endless, monotonous plain with a few thinly wooded stretches of forest and empty spring brown fields. Now and then the area was coloured red, white and yellow by little cottages, villages and towns through which slowly moving streams and rivers flowed – an image that was not suited for putting the mind in motion but was gentle and soporific. White sunny clouds were swept across the low blue grey sky by the fresh morning wind like little merry lambs that had just escaped the stable. Then suddenly a light green square appeared; it was the winter crops that had sprouted up between the willow shrubs that had already received their first silver sheen, and a dark cloud island sailed like a vision across the green acre. A church tower stood out against the eastern sky, the sun slipped over a low drifting mass of clouds and spread a shiny brass glimmer all over the world.

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The telegraph wires along the railway whirred up and down. A swarm of partridges shot like a bullet splintered into fragments from a gloomy piece of fallow land up over a dull green pine grove. They rushed past a signal keeper's house surrounded by silver birches and a few crippled and stunted apple trees between which multi-coloured washing fluttered; in front of the house a woman stood with hands akimbo and with her eyes turned towards the train, by her side a golden-haired child played with a bright red ball and a dark brown dog guarded the little one ...... Whoosh, passed ...... you could still see the woman waving to the train and a blue and white chequered apron waving from the clothes line. An unpaved road bent towards the railway embankment and a cart with a large load of timber and two heavily built plough horses stood waiting. The driver restrained them with his whip ...... the sun gilded the cord and the tin covered handle and flashed in the puddles
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in the abandoned cart tracks. Behind a wide curved ridge some factory chimneys rose from which white and yellowish green columns of smoke rose up against the blue sky until a breeze broke through, scattered them and transformed them into sunlit clouds ......

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's eyes looked at it with a painter's gaze and she was frightened:

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"These are not my eyes, they are AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' eyes ...... Is he not dead in me? ...... Can't he leave me alone?"

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And she closed her eyes ...... She did not know why she was so afraid of looking at the world and getting to love it as AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter did ...... was it because she was afraid of not becoming herself ...... or of not being able to get free of AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter?

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had gone out in the corridor to smoke.

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In the compartment, beside LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 sat a couple of correct looking gentlemen who had taken the two corner seats by the door.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had barely noticed them. They had so far been entrenched behind their newspapers.

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Suddenly one of the gentlemen put down his paper and the other followed his example, though first folding it neatly. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 involuntarily looked at him and he answered her look and cleared his throat. The other gentleman brushed some specks of dust from his clothes and pulled off one of his thick and glossy, brown gloves. A sparkling jewel ring appeared. "Hm, hm," was heard again. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 wrapped her fur coat more tightly around her. She felt the gaze of the two gentlemen directed at the "lady" by the window ...... She affected an air of great superiority.

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"Hm," the gentleman next to her grunted again and then he asked:

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"Can I offer you a cigarette, madam?"

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She looked at him.

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He held a heavy silver cigarette case with a gold inlay towards her:

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"Of course this is not a smoking compartment, but I see that both your companions smoke."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 smiled:

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"No, thank you."

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Whereupon the gentleman closed his case and carefully placed it in the rear pocket of his pants.

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The other gentleman had opened his paper again.

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And LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 looked out of the window again ...

Page 103
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A small fine and tender grove of birches shone in the sun at the top of a hill. Above it floated two very small mother-of-pearl clouds like a pair of wings a small angel had forgotten during a game.

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had come back in and sat by the window directly opposite her.

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"The first spring," he said, "the first spring, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931."

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And GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator who had also returned repeated:

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"The first spring, yes ...... If only one could stand out there ...... and paint like ......"

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Her words echoed in LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's ears.

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"Spring ...... paint ...... like" – and she completed the sentence – "like AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ......"

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Was it jealousy rising in her?

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No, no, she would not think.

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She leaned towards GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ...... no one saw it, both NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had fallen asleep and the two gentlemen were standing outside smoking ..... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 tenderly put her hand on GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator's knee, then she stood up and sat down beside her leaning her head against her shoulder while she again stared out over the landscape. Ridges welled forth and grew into small mountains and still new ones joined, strewn with villas. And soon everything was a multi-coloured crowd of villas, gardens and tenement houses between which large factory buildings pushed their way forward, streets opened like corridors and channels between the rows of houses that grew and became taller and filled with teeming life, trams, automobiles, and people, shrill advertisements on big, wide gables, rails meeting and crossing on both sides, trains with endless rows of wagons, stations, now on the right, now on the lefthand side, and still the train slid on shaking and wobbling each time it passed over a sidetrack ......

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Then it stopped.

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had woken up.

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"How far are we now?"

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"It's the next station," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 answered and woke up GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator.

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As the train started moving again all three stood at the window.

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Now they rode on a long bridge across a riverElbe River (historical), river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden whose wide dark stream separated the two banksThe banks of the Elbe River (historical); a river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden like an endless, glistening silk ribbon. And like a mirage LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 saw green domes, towers, church roofs, castles and palaces appear beyond the sparkling water. It was
[Page 104]
as beautiful as a fairy tale that had been forgotten and once again returns ... her fairy tale! ...... She could not let go of the sight, and she saw that it was not a vision, this big beautiful, royal cityDresden (historical), city in Germany which on both sides of the ElbeThe banks of the Elbe River (historical); a river in Central Europe that runs through Dresden extended from the wide valley over the mountain sides up towards the gentle blue sky.

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She knelt down on the seat, stared out and drank in the sight, it was the goal of her pilgrimage, the city she so fervently and with so much pain had longed forDresden (historical), city in Germany. And her eyes became big and heavy. She had to close them while she pressed her hands against her beating heart. Gentle, blissful tears streamed down her cheeks ...... This was the miracle! Here her poor tormented life would finally find its delivery. Her whole mind was overwhelmed by an infinite feeling of happiness.

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"Now I come home ......now I finally come home!"

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And she cried and cried.

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 put his hand on her shoulder:

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"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931!" he said comfortingly.

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But she shook her head:

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"I am just crying from joy."

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator was moved. She could not find anything to say, and she also began to cry.

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None of them saw the surprised looks that were exchanged between the two gentlemen who were in the process of gathering their luggage and with a silent nod left the compartment.

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How LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had come out of the train and, in one of DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany's green automobiles, made her entry through the city never reached into her memory. She only knew that during the long drive through the streets she had clutched the little Spanish silver Madonna pressed against her lips, and again and again she stammered before her: "He will help me ...... help me ...... help me ......" -@Editor: PLC

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It was a long way ...... The streets were already behind them and they were out in the residential area. Suddenly they passed an impressively situated tall building and just after it the car turned a corner. Tall silver bright birches raised their filigree light branches over a garden wall, behind which lay a large and dignified grey complex of buildings formed by many adjoining wings with towers on them.

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"Stop, stop, here it is!" LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 exclaimed.

Page 105
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The next moment the car stopped in front of a portal over which was written in capital letters:

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STAATLICHE FRAUENKLINIKMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time -@Editor: PLC

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"How did you know?" GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 asked as with one voice as they helped LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 out of the carriage.

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"I felt that it had to be here," she answered faintly, "but you have to help me, I have to lean on you ...... my legs give way ...... I have a feeling that I am about to faint ...... now, when I have finally come home ...... after the long and difficult journey."

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 pulled the bell cord and when they heard the sound of the gate bell, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 turned pale as death. It was as if it were in her own heart that the bell sounded.

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From the window of the porter's lodge a sister dressed in white asked them:

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"Is it for the private clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time? Then you must turn right through the garden."

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It was already late in the afternoon. A hazy and humid light fell from the sky that was heavy with rain over the big garden, whose slender birch stems stretched themselves on green lawns.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 walked in front.

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"Look at her," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 whispered to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, "she walks as if she knew everything and she has never been here before."

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Like a sleepwalker LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 strode along and as if in a dream, she found the entrance to the private clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time.

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Now she was finally at home.

Page 106

XIV.

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In the door to the private clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time stood an elderly nurse dressed in whiteMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female embracing a lady. This was LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's first impression of the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time which she kept ...... because it was the right one.

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The elderly nurse was the matronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female and she was taking leave of a patient.

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Then she received the three foreigners with great kindness and led them into a long hospital corridor. Twilight had already begun and through the greenish panes of a large glass door at the end of the corridor a soft light, that made one think of a deep forest lake, fell into the corridor and was reflected in the shiny parquet floor and the many white-painted doors.

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"The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will be here shortly," the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female said.

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Close to the large double door there were some armchairs around a small table with a lighted lamp. There a doctor was standing in a white coat talking to a couple of ladies.

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GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator grabbed LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's hands.

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"Is that Professor Werner KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist?" she asked in a whisper.

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"No, you are mistaken," NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 objected, "you have never seen him and this must probably be one of the assistant doctors ...... he looks far too young."

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"No, GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator is right, it is Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 answered with a tremble in her voice.

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As the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist accompanied the ladies to his office, he stopped for a moment to say hello to the newly arrived guests with ceremonial courtesy and asked them to take a seat. They sat down at the small table. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was completely dumb, she heard nothing and saw nothing. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 talked about unimportant things ...... White nurses came and went and greeted the three strangers in passing.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 still saw nothing and heard nothing.

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Only when the door to the office was opened, and the two ladies
[Page 107]
were followed out by the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist she awoke again to consciousness.

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The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female signalled to them and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 took LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's hand to lead her in. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator remained sitting in the armchair.

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Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had only seen AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter once in ParisParis (historical), capital of France, and that was some months ago now. Today he was facing LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 for the first time, but he greeted her with recognition at once. He accompanied them into the office, after which he returned to introduce himself to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 who had suddenly become calm looked around the room. It was a large room, a study resembling an operating room. In front of the tall window through which there was a glorious view to the garden with the white birches, there was an examination table and against one of the walls a desk littered with papers. Everything in the room was dazzlingly white.

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When the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist came back, he sat down right across from LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931.

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She started somewhat insecurely to talk about her stay in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany, but he interrupted her with a sudden question, and a smile spread over his stern face:

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"Has Professor ArnoProfessor Arns (fictional), also Arno; possibly modeled on Arthur Weil, who invented a bold test and worked at Magnus Hirschfeld’s Institute in Berlin informed you of the results of the chemical and microscopic examinations?"

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"No, ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist."

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"Hasn't he! Then I can give you the pleasant message that the examinations that have been carried out have shown a favourable result, they confirm all our assumptions."

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And from some quickly dropped factual remarks, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 understood that he knew all the details of the operation she had undergone in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany much better than herself. She breathed a sigh of relief ...... then she did not have to make explanations.

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She sat quite still not daring to move to listen to the strange, veiled voice. She had the feeling that she had suddenly become infinitely happy. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist spoke to her very sympathetically, he questioned her about everything that concerned her so that she eventually became quite tired ...... She started to talk about her experience with Doctor KarnerDr. Karner (fictional), historical figure unknown, but she accidentally looked up and her eyes looked into the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's which were both light and dark at the same time ...... Only for a moment she endured his eyes then
[Page 108]
the words died away on her lips, and she could no longer think of anything to say. As in a flash she recalled that AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter in ParisParis (historical), capital of France without any inhibition had talked with the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Why was she not able to do that?

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Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist gave her an inquiring look as if he expected her to continue her story but when it did not happen, he broke the silence:

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"You will be going here to the private clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time, but quite unexpectedly all places have been taken at the moment. Incidentally, that will do no harm as I have to wait a while with the operation anyway. The important thing is to secure the necessary material, by that I mean the fresh glands that are to give you new life ......"

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At these words LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 started and blushed scarlet. She did not know where to look, that is how ashamed she felt. She was both embarrassed and confused.

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The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist did not seem to notice it at all and he continued in the same factual tone:

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"Besides, it won't do you any harm to spend a few more days at a hotel. You can see the city and visit our museums ...... by the way, you can also paint ...... I'm certain that you will be able to find many subjects that you will like ..... It will do you good to think of something else and enter a completely different circle of ideas."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had the feeling that she had lost any support. The thought that she could not immediately be admitted to the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time but that she had to spend several days at a hotel seemed quite unbearable to her. She would ask the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist if she could not stay, she would try to change his decision but she was not able to. She looked at him helplessly and could not answer anything but:

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"Yes, ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist."

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That was the end of the interview. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist held out his hand and went with her out to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator whom he gave the name of a hotel close to the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time. Then he said a very formal goodbye to all three of them ...... And the next moment he had disappeared behind the door of the operating room.

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Quite beside herself, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 stood before GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. She had the impression that she had suffered a devastating defeat. A single
[Page 109]
glance from this man had quite overpowered her ...... She felt that he was so much stronger than herself that he had crushed her whole personality ...... destroyed her with a single glance. She seemed to herself as a schoolgirl who had been curtly dismissed by an idolized teacher. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's voice still sounded in her ears. She felt a strange weakness in all her limbs. She stood as in a fog and understood nothing of what went on around her ...... Only later ...... long afterwards, she realised when she thought back at this moment what had happened to her. It was the first time that her woman's heart had trembled before a lord and master ...... before the man she had chosen as her protector ...... and she grasped why she had immediately submitted to him and his will ......

– – –

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The hotel, which Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had pointed out to them, was in a large square surrounded by trees. Behind the hotel there was a large garden. It was a quiet and distinguished house just under ten minutes from the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had a large, bright room facing the square. NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 settled into a room to the other side. These were heavy and sad days for LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931. She could not comprehend that she could not immediately enter the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time. She almost felt convinced that Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had found her disagreeable ...... that she had seemed so repulsive to him that he had become disgusted with her.

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And GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator entered in her diary:

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"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 has completely lost courage. She thinks that the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist only sees AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter in her, that is, a disguised man. She imagines that she is so hideous and unattractive that any normal person must feel aversion to her. She cries incessantly. A few times we have gone out to get a breath of fresh air, but she is controlled by her obsession to such an extent that she believes she reads a confirmation of Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's dislike of her in the glance of every passer-by. It is obvious that we foreigners attract a certain amount of attention here in DresdenDresden (historical), city in Germany, but LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 thinks that is only because of her.

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— —And what has put her completely beside herself is that the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist suggested that she should pass time painting. That was, she says, the most terrible thing he could demand of her. Everything
[Page 110]
that is connected to AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter is detested by her and especially the thought of painting ...... She believes that she cannot quite free herself from AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, if she does any of the things that he used to do. And his art seems to her to be the worst of all. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist ought to know that, she claims, or perhaps his intention with this remark had been to let her understand that he did not see anything in her but AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter, a disguised man."

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A few days later GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator added in her diary:

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NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 is probably quite right when he says that what the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist is doing with LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 must be regarded as a kind of mental modelling that is to precede the physical transformation. So far LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 has been like a lump of clay that others have worked with and that the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist himself with just a fleeting touch has already given life ...... and shape ...... but until now, he believes, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's femininity lies only on the surface ...... It is not yet quite genuine, because it has not penetrated in depth ...... With a single glance yesterday he has made her heart come to life, a life imbued with all female instincts ...... The more I think about it, the more decisively I have to agree with NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 is still very quiet and, as it were, enclosed in herself. She still sometimes cries quietly to herself, but it is the longing that makes her cry ...... She doesn't know herself what is going on in her, and I can't do anything but be patient with her and encourage her with good words."

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The next page brings the following observation:

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"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 said to me tonight: 'It is probably unfair when I think about AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter with bitterness, but now and then I have to think of him anyway, and then I do not know what to call him ...... I think I must call him "my dead brother". I shall have to get used to that. I have to get used to the idea that he is really dead so that it no longer enters my thoughts at all that he and I have lived in the same body. I have to feel as a certainty that it belongs to me alone'.

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And later she said:

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'Perhaps I am AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' killer and this thought pains me terribly because I feel that I am worth less than he was. He had a creative nature ...... he was a painter and he had a considerable achievement behind him. That is precisely why I fear
[Page 111]
that it will appear that I will never be able to contribute anything. Imagine if I really tried to paint, and then realised that my talent could not compare with his, then it would seem so oppressive to me that it would drive me to suicide ......'.

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And then she suddenly said:

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'GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator, I see in my mind AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' clothes that we left behind in BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany ...... every single garment I see ...... all of last night I lay awake thinking about it ...... and I was afraid to accidentally fall asleep again ...... Suppose, I saw myself in AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter' clothes again in my dreams!'" ......

– – –

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Thus a whole week passed. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was still submerged in a deep melancholy that turned into panic when one morning she had a few letters forwarded from FrauenklinikMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time that had come from CopenhagenCopenhagen (historical), capital of Denmark and were addressed to the painter Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 felt completely compromised because these letters, which were addressed to a man, had been sent to the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time that was intended only for women. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not even dare to touch the letters. GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator had to read them, and NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 had to burn them. Now LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 felt completely convinced that she would never enter Professor Kreutz's women's clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time.

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"Those letters have made it completely impossible for me ...... let us rather quietly leave here and find a place where I can die in peace ......" she asked with tears in her eyes determined to disappear into the great void.

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But finally salvation came in the form of a message from the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time that now a room was available. Immediately LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 left the hotel, and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator followed her silent and quiet the short way to FrauenklinikMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time.

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When LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 wandered through the garden with the bright birches again, she had the feeling that she had reached the promised land.

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The following day NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 went back to BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany.

Page 112

XV.

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Many times LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 tried to relive the first moments she spent at FrauenklinikMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time, and each time she felt the immense quiet again which had suddenly fallen over her turbulent mind. The glorious hope had lifted her up towards an invisible vault like a hymn by Bach Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750), German composer​ -@Editor: PLC sung by angels' high voices.

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All fear and anxiety had left her. Her own life seemed so insignificant to her, so worthless. A vague feeling filled her with awe, a feeling of being privy to something new and magnificent ...... something more important and greater than anything else, something that rose far above all other human fates. She appeared to herself as someone chosen, she had been selected for a pain and a pleasure that no one yet had lived through.

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A white sick room, toned by the green tinge from the garden outside. A white bed. On a white table mysterious instruments under an elongated glass globe. Everywhere a smell of ether and formaldehyde. A visit by the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female, the sturdy, healthy, maternal woman in the white nurse's uniform with the starched cap on the silver grey hair. Now and then a distant sound that could be heard through the double door slowly died away. Ambulances driving by. In the white room GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator ..... Now and then subdued voices and soft steps. The door is opened, a slim figure in a white coat enters and remains standing in the room.

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Of this first visit by Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 has only kept a faint almost musical recollection ...... A voice. A vision. What he said to her she no longer knows ...... But from the moment he stood before her in the white sick room every burden was lifted from her soul ...... Everything was hope and certainty.

– – –

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Under the birches in the big garden LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was waiting. In one of the next few days everything would be ready for the operation. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had said so.

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The white trees shone like silver against the shiny, green lawns. The interlacing branches were suffused by a reddish glow in the grey, shimmering air. Here and there hedges and shrubbery, still naked, waiting for their suit of foliage. Some willows with silky catkins, brown and reddish flower buds that were already beginning to turn yellow. Around the paths many benches. Nurses dressed in white walked around on their lunch break and nodded at LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. And in the middle of the big garden a crowd of young, pregnant women. They laughed and they were happy. In their blue hospital gowns, they looked like big crocuses in full bloom.

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"LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931," GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator said, "now I understand what NielsNiels Hvide (fictional), modeled on Poul Knudsen (1889-1974), Danish lawyer and writer, friend of the Wegeners, married to Vibeke 1925-1938 said, this is the first spring ...... Everything here is full of expectation."

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Suddenly a tall slim man in a white coat walked through the park followed by an assistant doctor and a whisper passed from mouth to mouth: "The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist!" ...... Everyone stopped and followed him with their eyes.

– – –

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Then the large tower clock of the clinic struck six. It is about time to go back to the room. The park is already in twilight. Arm in arm LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 and GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator walk to the big building. The light is on in the broad, white corridor, young nurses are busy bringing the supper around to the patients. Directly opposite the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's office is the office of the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female. A voice sounds through the open door, and LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 starts. Frightened, she drags GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator around the corner and into the cross corridor where her room is.

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"What is the matter?" GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator asks.

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"Hurry," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 whispers back to her and slips into her room. An inexplicable fear seizes her when she hears the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's voice ...... She feels like a schoolgirl who is afraid of her teacher.

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The next evening, when LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 had gone to bed, she was subjected to all the preparations preceding an operation while GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator sat beside her smiling and trying to encourage her. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had already that morning announced that a young woman whose sexual glands would be suitable for transplantation would be operated on early the next morning.

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Happy and moved, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 said goodnight to GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator. Then she lay awake for several hours and stared into the white room where
[Page 114]
the bedside lamp spread a soft light. Sister HannaHanna (fictional), no known historical model, who was young and beautiful, sat beside her and talked to her for a long time until she put the sleeping medicine on the bedside table and disappeared.

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But LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 did not take the medicine, she did not want to sleep ...... she was afraid of sleeping too long ...... She wanted to be awake ...... completely awake for what she was to experience the next morning.

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Not a sound was heard in the corridor. Everything was absorbed by the stillness of the night ...... LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's thoughts were like a smile ...... She had the impression that she no longer had any responsibility for herself and her fate. Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had lifted the responsibility from her ...... She no longer had any will either ...... this too she had placed on the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

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Suddenly she thought of the past ...... in ParisParis (historical), capital of France ...... but the next moment she dismissed the thought ...... she had no past ...... everything that had once been belonged to the missing person, to someone who was gone ...... who was dead ...... How completely different Andreas SparreAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter had been ...... completely different from her – she was just a humble little woman ready to obey, happy to submit to the will of another. Again the tower clock sounded ...... many times she heard its tones in the course of the night.

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When the first light came through the curtains, LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 lay fully awake in her bed. At first it was six o'clock and at seven o'clock Sister HannaHanna (fictional), no known historical model came in to make her ready for the operation ...... And then there was a long, long wait ...... she hardly dared move. Intently she listened for every footstep in the corridor, for every voice that came in to her, every sound ...... but no one stopped outside her door ...... had she been forgotten?

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Finally, someone came. It was the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female. Smiling, she sat beside her, took her hand maternally and as gently as possible she conveyed to her that they had to wait for a few more days ...... it had turned out that the woman who had been operated on had not been able to provide "a suitable material."

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The disappointment and the tension would have been released in tears if the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female had not hastened to give her the other and more pleasant piece of information that she was to be moved to a new
[Page 115]
room that had a large window facing the garden and where there was morning sun.

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When GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator a few moments later appeared to hear how it had gone, they immediately got to work on the move.

– – –

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And again they walked arm in arm around the garden where everything had quickly become homelike and familiar to them. They knew all the nurses now and gratefully answered their morning greeting. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 happily smiled to the young pregnant women in the crocus blue gowns. Now and then a young doctor passed by and also wished them a good morning.

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was happy. Here she walked around quite naturally like a young woman among other young women. She was a person who had no past. Had she ever looked different? ...... She had to smile. And suddenly she pictured AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter when he had watched the elegantly dressed ladies in ParisParis (historical), capital of France and almost envied them their elegance ...... "How clumsy and tasteless are the clothes that we men walk around in!" he had said.

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Now all this was over – released ...... and this was the result of just a gesture from the master, her creator, the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. There was no AndreasAndreas Sparre (fictional), modeled on Einar Magnus Andreas Wegener (b. 1882), a Danish painter anymore and he would never, never return. Now Professor KreutzProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist stood between him and her, and she felt guarded and protected.

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Here in this small state within the state the men ruled absolutely – led by the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female was the only exception because she had much, very much influence. Despite her maternal good nature she was an extraordinarily authoritative lady whose energetic profile under the silver grey hair could be reminiscent of the BourbonsBourbons (historical), royal family who ruled France for two centuries -@Editor: PLC in their heyday. An immense respect emanated from her as she was the only creature here at the FrauenklinikMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time who was to some extent on confidential terms with the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. One morning she stopped LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 out in the garden and told her that now it would probably not be long ...... perhaps the operation would take place as early as tomorrow, or at least the day after tomorrow.

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"Tell me," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 asked, "why exactly do you remove the sexual glands from a woman when they are perfectly healthy?"

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"It would take too long to explain it to you," the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female answered. "You do not have the necessary anatomical knowledge
[Page 116]
to understand it. But you can set your mind at rest! The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist knows exactly what he does. Just let him do to you what he thinks is right ...... Besides you don't have to be anxious, it's only a very small operation."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 laughed:

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"I'm not afraid at all, Sister. In BerlinBerlin (historical), capital of Germany they also told me that it was just a very small procedure, and afterwards I was told that I had been on the operating table for almost an hour and a half ...... as to whether this new operation is dangerous or not, I don't give a thought ...... I have not come here to die ...... I feel that ...... for that I don't need the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's help."

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The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female gave her a hug:

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"You only have reason to be happy, little Mrs. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 -@Translator: MO, for the glands that the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist will transplant into you will give you new vitality and new youth ...... The woman from whom they come is scarcely twenty seven years old."

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LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's voice trembled with emotion:

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"Is it true? ...... is it really true? ...... Does a woman's age depend entirely on her sexual glands? Is that really the only thing that matters? ...... Is it true?"

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The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female laughed and patted LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's cheek:

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"How curious you are! ...... If you won't believe me, you can ask the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist."

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"Yes, of course ...... why haven't I done so long ago? ...... I'll ask him this very evening ......"

– – –

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When the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female asked LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 the next morning if the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had satisfied her curiosity, she said embarrassed:

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"No, I completely forgot about it ......"

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The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female wagged her finger threateningly:

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"Why do you not honestly say that you didn't have the courage?"

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"No, I didn't," LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 admitted.

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The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female laughed:

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"You need not be ashamed of that, why should you be different from all the other patients?"

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XVI.

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Two days later GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator filled many pages in her diary. That day the big, fateful operation had been performed on LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931, and it was already late in the night when GreteGrete Sparre (fictional), modeled on Gerda Wegener (1885-1940), an art deco painter and illustrator wrote:

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"Already at nine o'clock this morning, I was at the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time. Last night the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist had told me that the crucial operation would take place this morning. Cautiously I put my head in at LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's door. She lay in a white nightdress in her white bed sleeping quietly. She had been given a morphine injection. Carefully I retreated to the corridor where the sisters stood waiting for the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist. Sister FriedaMargaret (fictional), no known historical model -@Editor: PLC came out from the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's office; she was pushing a trolley with ether bottles, cotton wool, and instruments, which were covered by glass, in front of her. The MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female appeared and gave an inspecting glance around her. In the operating room I caught a glimpse of the assistant doctor and a couple of young doctors' assistants. Everyone whispered. There was a strange silence over the wide white clinic hallway, and through the high windows through which you could see the naked trees of the park, a greenish light fell. The wing where the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist's residence lay was illuminated by the morning sun. All eyes were directed at it.

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"Now we are only waiting for the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist," a small nurse said softly to me.

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I could hardly control my excitement ...... I too stared as if spellbound out of the window towards the residence of the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist.

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Suddenly there was movement among the sisters. Instinctively I reached for the small sister's hand ...... Everything trembled inside me. I saw the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist walking towards the clinicMunicipal Women’s Clinic (fictional), modeled on Staatliche Frauenklinik in Dresden, directed by Professor Kurt Warnekros at the time at a brisk pace, and the next moment, I heard his calm correct voice say: "Good morning."

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He was very reserved and unapproachable although we otherwise used to talk to each other in a friendly manner. I dared not say anything to him nor follow him when he disappeared
[Page 118]
with the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female into LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's room. He looked like a general immediately before a decisive battle. I stood in the open door facing the garden. The morning sun streamed over me. I think I was very pale. The air was so warm from the spring. A few birds were chirping in the birches. There was a reddish light over the tree tops and very softly the wind, which smelled of grass and soil, was carried towards me and mixed with the pungent hospital odour.

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Then the door to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's room was opened slightly, and a hand was held out. Sister FriedaFrieda (fictional), no known historical model, who was standing right by the door, quickly took a bottle of ether from the trolley and gave it to the hand after which the door was silently closed again. Little by little a sweetish smell of ether leaked out to us and replaced all other smells. I had a feeling that I was about to lose consciousness. Then the door was opened wide and the ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist and the MatronMatron (fictional), modeled on Margarete Leifert (possibly Seifert), who co-signed a letter (April 5, 1930) to the Ministry of Justice in Copenhagen conveying Lili’s request to change her name to Lili Elben and her sex to female came out. The ProfessorProfessor Werner Kreutz (fictional), modelled on Kurt Warnekros (1882–1949), a German gynecologist took my hand and looked into my eyes.

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"Don't be afraid," he said reassuringly and disappeared down the wide corridor.

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A few more minutes passed, then LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's bed was rolled out by two nurses. LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 was lying under a white sheet, but I could not see her face which was hidden under an ether mask ...... And already the white procession had slid past me and was far down the corridor. Then it disappeared into the operating room.

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How long would it take? I kept saying to myself: You must not think ...... not think ...... You just have to let the time pass ...... What were they doing to this poor soul now? How would LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931 be returned to me? To herself ...... to life? ...... She had looked forward to this moment as to a party ...... It was a miracle which was about to happen to her. Would it be a success?

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I could not stand it but went out into the garden and walked restlessly round and round on the paths. I crossed through the park in all directions ...... I could not find rest. I went back to LiliLili Elbe (fictional and historical), legal name Lili Ilse Elvenes; born Einar Wegener (1882), died in Dresden, 1931's room. All the windows were open and spring was pouring in. But I could not stand it there either. Finally I sat down